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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Car accident with children what to do

44 replies

Tinkery1 · 26/08/2019 16:11

I had a road accident last week. The car completely lost control when I broke it flipped 360 and went into a hedge. Thank God kids at the back weren't hurt
Eldest only had a seatbelt scratch. My youngest is 21 months old
It was so horrible and it's been a week since. I've been in hospital
I wasnt so lucky I have an open fracture - my whole elbow bone is shattered and a big hole there. The skin had degloved. I went through to A&E and had two debridements so far in a week- where I was put under to clean the wound as it was full of glass and gravel. I'm in a sling and my arm.feels numb tbh
The worse thing, the worse pain is not being able to see my baby. Shes onlyn21 months. And it's so difficult I'm.always with the kids and were very close. She has been coming to see me.in hospital but its not the same shes running around she seems quite distressed I cant pick her up and play with her and its oure torture

My surgery is on Wednesday where they are gonna fix the fracture with wires or a PLATE AND then plastic surgery to cover hole so they need a flap of skin with blood supply
It really is horrendous and now my MH is failing as I cant cope..I'm so upset being away from my baby
The surgery will be 8 hours I'm.so scared I've tried googling this and cant find nothing does anyone know to cope? Any anecdotes? Has anyone had a similar injury and have a young child? How to cope? Thanks

OP posts:
FredaFrogspawn · 26/08/2019 16:15

My mum was hospitalised for 6 weeks when my sister was a baby. She wasn’t allowed to see her at all. My sister was ok. It will be ok. Try to hold it together - you’re getting treated and this awful time will pass.

Do you have childcare in place?
Can you arrange to FaceTime your little ones regularly?
Keep telling them you will get better - children can be so resilient.

Huge sympathies - you must be in a very shocked place.

picklemepopcorn · 26/08/2019 16:25

A friend needed radiotherapy and wasn't able to see her two very young sons, except through a window, as she was radioactive. They were fine. Your DD will be too.

What family and friends do you have to help?

Firstworddinosaur · 26/08/2019 16:25

So sorry OP this must be terrible. My mum was in hospital for months when I was a baby and at one point in a coma. It hasn't affected our bond at all. You must be in shock still but you will mend. This will all be over soon and you'll be home Flowers

iamthere123 · 26/08/2019 16:47

My grandma had a hysterctomy back in the days where she was in hospital for 2 weeks and children were not allowed in the hospital to see her. My dad was 5 and though he can remember it,it was mainly because he was being so thoroughly spoiled by all the people looking after him that he remembers all the nice things he got (nearly 70 years later) and nothing else! You baby will be being thoroughly (nicely) spoilt by everyone to make up for it and is probably worse when she comes to see you because it reminds her that things aren't 'right'.

QuestionableMouse · 26/08/2019 16:50

Speak to your nurse! There will be practical help and advice they can give. Hope you're okay.

MumsBrokenElbow · 26/08/2019 17:15

OP, I namechanged as this is somewhat outing.

My mum smashed her elbow as a child (she had several broken arms, collarbones, elbows over the years). Her elbow was pinned into place with wires, and she was never able to move the joint after that. It was set at an angle, not straight, so she could still use the arm (mostly, there were a few things she couldn't do). This was in the 1950s, so not as advanced as now.

But I recall she told me that some things she found helpful at the time included having things like cross body bags to carry stuff around the house, or a couple of rigid baskets to hand to carry things with your good arm, especially up and down stairs. Also if you have something in your good hand and want to carry it downstairs, rest your bum on the handrail or wall to provide a bit of extra support as you step down.

There may be some things from occupational health that the nurses can give you to assist the practical side.

While your DD might not understand you can't pick her up, maybe there are ways to distract her into something you can do together that won't interfere with your arm. Games on the floor, walks around, perhaps someone in your family will have some ideas.

My fingers are cross that the surgery goes well, and I can appreciate how hard it is right now not to be with your DC. Do they ahve a counsellor who can talk with you? You may need to talk about the accident too, which may be contributing to your MH worries right now.

SunshineCake · 26/08/2019 17:16

Please make sure you destroy the car seats and get new ones. Insurance should pay.

GladAllOver · 26/08/2019 17:29

Please make sure you destroy the car seats and get new ones. Insurance should pay.
Are you serious? The car has been written off. The insurance assessor should include the child seats as a matter of course.
The value of the seats will be trivial in the overall cost of the accident.

Bloomburger · 26/08/2019 17:30

Just thank god it wasn't worse and you all walked out of it alive.

Everything else is manageable. From someone who lost a parent in an RTA I'd say you and your children are extremely lucky.

Tinkery1 · 26/08/2019 21:18

Thanks I'm so nervous about the surgery as I know it puts me out of action for a few good days. At least now I'm able to get about. I do feel.ao lucky and fortunate but I'm so emotional . Just feel so sorry for my youngest
My eldest seems ok but I know shes in shock.as well

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 26/08/2019 22:02

Calm down Gladallover. I wasn't thinking of anything but the children and making sure they weren't using seats that weren't safe

londonrach · 26/08/2019 22:08

Op...one of mums friends baby (less than year old) spent one year living with foster parents whilst she had open heart surgery then slow recovery. Over 50 years later that baby is still close to his parents and no memory sadly of his year with his foster parents. Its what they did in those day. Hopefully a good quick recovery op and dont worry just look after yourself x

RLOU30 · 26/08/2019 22:09

sunshine was only reminding OP to replace the seats now they have been involved in a RTA even if they look fine.

OP I wish you all well. This is a small part of you and your baby's time together and will be just fine.

Mummoomoocow · 26/08/2019 22:11

Tinkery, listen. Really really listen. You’ve been in a traumatic experience, you’re no doubt still in shock, please ask for professional help. Please do it ASAP. Your children need you.

Tinkery1 · 26/08/2019 22:13

The car was written off it was a mess my dh took pics ii cant look I cant believe I'm alive tbh and the kids. Just do not get it. I drive a small renault twingo 1 litre engine its literally a shopping trolley it makes e shudder to think of getting in a car again

Has anyone else had an rta?

OP posts:
Tinkery1 · 26/08/2019 22:16

Thanks I am I have spoken to a lovely nurse who is going to refer to me rehab a team of supporters in the hospital. The thing is what makes it worse I'm afraid of hospotals and surgery and getting infections I think that's why I'm struggling I can handle.the pain n trauma as long as I wasnt stuck here away from my babies :( I'm so worried incase this op is going to make the pain worse. Atm kits manageable

OP posts:
Butterfly02 · 26/08/2019 22:34

I've had several operations/ extended stays in hospital - my children were not always able to visit (ITU stays) they were (and continue to be) very resilient, our bond has actually got even stronger. We've always encouraged talking about their worries, asking questions, being honest (but keeping information age appropriate), when they visited and I was well enough we did drawing or simple games. The biggest thing for the children I find is routine and normality is so important to them - their own bed, favorite meals and distraction.
I think if I was you while your in hospital request a referral to psychology service (probably a much shorter waiting list than outpatient), talk to people about your worries and concentrate as much on your mh recovery as physical recovery (you'll be no good to your family otherwise).
I can't say about arm injuries but I use a stick, so only have one free arm I use a cross body bag helps. Best wishes for your surgery and try to learn to walk before you run - it'll get you there quicker in the long run.

Heismyopendoor · 26/08/2019 22:44

I’m so sorry for what you are going through.

I had an accident a few years ago and totally snapped my ankle, I had an operation to put in a plate, screws and wire. It was hard being away from all my babies, I had two under two and another one under five. But you are a mum and we manage to get through these things, there isn’t really another choice.

Your DH will have things under control when you have your operation. Do you have help once you get home for a bit?

Jent13c · 26/08/2019 23:11

Where possible go through to the day room with your kids. They can visit for longer then and it's a lot less clinical for them and for you. Wait until after the ward round as docs probably wont be happy having to chase you but as a nurse I'd be more than happy with giving you meds and checking observations there if it helped improve your mood and reduce anxiety. Also if you are physically doing quite well (albeit not able to get home understandably) you can always take some trips to the shop/cafe to get some time off the ward.

Tinkery1 · 27/08/2019 07:37

@heismyopendoor how was yput accident caused? That sounds very full on so sorry to hear

Thank again everyone for advice and words of encouragement it really helps

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 27/08/2019 07:41

I had a full frontal collision when someone came round the corner on the wrong side of the road. Luckily, I only had whiplash and a burn to my arm from the air bag.

The car looks awful because the crumple zones did their job and protected you from worse injury.

You'll be ok, and soon the irritation of dealing with insurance and replacing the car will overtake your pain and shock! Well, it did for me, anyway!

Heismyopendoor · 27/08/2019 07:43

It’s very identifying, so I can’t say too much. But I was by myself and it wasn’t an RTI. There’s something to be said about an open fracture though, isn’t there? I ended up holding my leg in two pieces possibly pointing opposite directions 😂 I can laugh about it now!

I wasn’t allowed to put any weight on it for months, which was hard with all the kids and I couldn’t do any schoool runs.

Ronia · 27/08/2019 07:44

I don't know if you've heard of Scamp and Dude - mostly sell clothing but the ethos behind it originally was as a result of the founder having to be in hospital away from her children for some time. Her story will resonate with you. She created these toys for children to give them support and superhero powers when separated from their parents. She describes it better. They're pricey but a sweet idea and you could always arrange to get something similar (cheaper) yourself as a little Tue to your DC while you're away from them.

Sleep buddies described here:. scampanddude.com/product/superhero-sleep-buddy-super-dino/

Her story is here:

scampanddude.com/my-story/

Ronia · 27/08/2019 07:45

Tue supposed to be tie!

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 27/08/2019 07:54

Sorry you are going through this. Sounds to me you could do with some kind of debrief. You’ve had a massive trauma and sounds like you need to talk it out. Speak to your doctors to see if they can sort something out.

Try and deal with things one step at a time. Try and get through the next hour etc. You will all mend but it will take time.