Car accident with children what to do

[Tinkery1]

I had a road accident last week. The car completely lost control when I broke it flipped 360 and went into a hedge. Thank God kids at the back weren't hurt
Eldest only had a seatbelt scratch. My youngest is 21 months old
It was so horrible and it's been a week since. I've been in hospital
I wasnt so lucky I have an open fracture - my whole elbow bone is shattered and a big hole there. The skin had degloved. I went through to A&E and had two debridements so far in a week- where I was put under to clean the wound as it was full of glass and gravel. I'm in a sling and my arm.feels numb tbh
The worse thing, the worse pain is not being able to see my baby. Shes onlyn21 months. And it's so difficult I'm.always with the kids and were very close. She has been coming to see me.in hospital but its not the same shes running around she seems quite distressed I cant pick her up and play with her and its oure torture

My surgery is on Wednesday where they are gonna fix the fracture with wires or a PLATE AND then plastic surgery to cover hole so they need a flap of skin with blood supply
It really is horrendous and now my MH is failing as I cant cope..I'm so upset being away from my baby
The surgery will be 8 hours I'm.so scared I've tried googling this and cant find nothing does anyone know to cope? Any anecdotes? Has anyone had a similar injury and have a young child? How to cope? Thanks

Oh, this makes me so sad. Because I know.

My car accident was caused by a speeding driver loosing control and hitting us head on. My ds was 5. I was in a coma for 3 weeks and for about 5 months we were in different trauma hospitals because of our injuries.

By far the hardest part (and I broke 11 bones) was not seeing my son. Not being there for him in his time of need. He broke his spine and is now a paraplegic. It was pure hell on earth, and I still sometimes beat myself up about it, but know that there was nothing else I could've done.

It is now over two years later and we have a super strong bond. It did take a while and I was so worried but he did bounce back. Like a pp we are open and talk about the accident or anything they (I have another older son who wasn't with us) want to.

We spent 6 months in hospital and the last month was fantastic as we were together in a rehabilitation center. Both in wheelchairs and we used to race each other. It was good fun. But I would never, ever want to go through those months again.

Your little one is luckily very young and might not even remember this. How old is the eldest? Take any help you can get. Even if you need medication to help with your moods. I had a complete mental breakdown in hospital and a psychologist visited me every day after that for a few weeks and the hospital psychiatrist put me on an anti-depressant.

It didn't feel like it at the time, and it didn't really help when people said it, but the time WILL pass and you will be together again. I am thinking of you xx

@Ronia that is such a lovely idea. I ended up making little packages of toy dinosaurs that my dh could take to my son's hospital after he had seen me.

@ronia thanks so much that is such a kind gesture
I just keep crying in frustration moreso. I'm very active and usually every day in the holidays or on my day off I go for long walks with my 21 month old. We live in a rural nice area so I embellish activities- visiting farms, parks and whatnot. I think it's just the realisation i wont be able to do that for a long time. They seem to think because of where the bone has been shaved off it could be an long process til I'm.able to drive or use it straight.
I just feel so sad for my dd she has a very tight bond with me was breastfed for awhile donuts torture prob for her as well. Their dad was mostly working long hours (I worknpart time) so its thrown us all off edge
Looking to hear of more reassuring stories thanks ti everyone

@TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit
Omg I'm in tears reading your response omg I feel so bad and fortunate. What you went through is 10x, worse. For your dc to be hurt for me that's the worse thing. It makes me feel nauseous about driving I honestly keep thinking that when I drive again I'll be wearing some kind of protection it just scares me so much I am.so so sorry about what you went through I feel so fortunate and so dearly sad for your son. My poor dds were not even hurt! My eldest is 11 years old.and only had a scuff from the seatbelt as when we flipped we were upside down. She has been incredibly brave though she is the one who flagged people.on the road after getting out of the car. She also dialled 999 but we were so lucky as numerous ofnpeople stopped one being a Gp and a mountain rescuer i stil need to find out their details to send them something as I honestly thought I would.die and my children I just couldn't believe we could.all walk away from it.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm in hospital it's now been a week and one day and honestly just reading everyone's responses is helping so much more than you'll know

Yes, the recovery takes a long time. I remember being shocked when the surgeon told me that I wouldn't be able to walk for at least a year. I thought he was being ridiculous.

I'm actually disabled now and won't ever walk properly. It's funny when you look back at the things you were stressed about and not, 2 years on, I'm okay with not walking far. I'm alive. I have two beautiful sons and an amazing dh. BUT, it took me a loooong time to get here.

You will. Take each step, one at a time. And be in the moment. On another thread someone mentioned that you enjoy a moment, say to yourself that you are enjoying it. And say to yourself that there will be more to enjoy. (I hope that poster doesn't mind me stealing the idea).

Oh, and talk. Talk, talk and talk. About how you are feeling. I felt I had to put a brave face on for everyone else around me and I really didn't need to.

No need to feel bad for us, but thank you. We are doing very well.

It's actually been 2 years and 8 months since the accident and I only started driving again last week. It was nerve wracking but you know what, it also felt great! I never thought I'd say that!

Hospital stay is awful. It's mind numbing and you have too much time to think. I wish I had a magic wand to put you 6 months in the future. I promise you will get there. And then you can help other people that are going through shit.

I would also suggest counselling for the 11-year old. My eldest was also 11 and although he wasn't in the accident it was obviously a big shock. Counselling helped a lot. For all of us. My dh finally had some too and it's been a god-send.

You posted this exact thread yesterday under the username ‘Hitler888’ are you not going to address this OP? Or just continue to delete your posts and repost again?

@Tinkery1 are you okay?

Oops sorry for the angry face

I was in a RTA recently (not the driver, thank god) and the best advice I can give you is to go to counselling. It should be covered by the insurance as part of the damages from the accident (under stuff like hospital fees and such). It really helps so much with the trauma.

Nothing like as serious as yours OP, but I snapped my ankle when we were on holiday on a Scottish island. I spent that night in a local cottage hospital so they could give me pain relief then DH had to drive us all to Oban via ferry then Paisley where I was pinned, screwed and plated back together. It was the day before DD2's 3rd birthday. DD1 was 4yrs 8 months old. DH took the girls to my dad's to collect my car then drove them home to SW England. Once I'd been operated on, I was allowed to fly home 3 days later. Of course I missed the children terribly but they were ok. They don't remember much about it now (DD2 is 18).

My frustration at being unable to do almost anything was immense. But you learn a new normal. I couldn't run around after them, but I could play games or read with them. I could hop into the kitchen to make them a drink, but they had to carry it very carefully to the table. They learned new skills (like vacuuming) that ideally would have come later but it did them no harm and we still laugh about me standing on one leg supervising them and then us all congratulating ourselves on how much better it looked. DD1 had an INSET day when I had a hospital appointment and came with me in a taxi. The radiographers were fantastic with her, letting her sit behind their screen with them and she was apparently asking all sorts of random questions.

The surgery is scary, but they know what they are doing. Think of it as the next step in your mending process. You have 2 wonderful reasons to work on your rehab when that comes along. Best of luck and do keep us posted with updates on your recovery

So sorry to hear this has happened; but take a moment to breathe.

You all survived. Your babies will be fine.

I'm so worried incase this op is going to make the pain worse

If this happens, talk to your nurses and they will manage it. They are bloody wonderful.

Sounds like you may need some counselling to help you accept what has happened and move forwards? But concentrate on getting physically well too. Do you have childcare in place for your DC?

@EthanAdvice

Did you sustain any injuries?
They have referred me apparently

@TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit

I haven't had my surgery yet 😥 I was told wednesday and now its today. I was worried that the longer its left, the more chance of infections or malunion etc but the surgeons dont seem to be worried
I'm now looking at stuff that will make the recovery period easier..trying to be positive

We had our granddaughter at 2+ for over three weeks when her mother was in hospital, she couldn't visit because we're 400+ miles away. She was fine, a bit quiet at times, but no lasting effects. She'll be fine, concentrate on getting well, that's the best you can do for her.

@LadyRannaldini that is so lovely. What great grandparents you are. Can I ask why her mother was in hospital? Three weeks seems a long time..I've been in for 2 so far and they still haven't done the surgery so will probably end up being 3.

@Tinkery1 , On top of all my injuries I also developed pressure sores on both heels and on the ball of my right foot. They were not looked after properly and delayed my recovery by another 2 months!! That was awful. Knowing that it could've been prevented. I also had to get debridements in theater and eventually a skin graft on the sole of my foot. Because of the open wounds they wouldn't do any other follow-up surgeries that I needed.

My heart really goes out to you. It's okay if you can't always be positive. Have a little cry and but give yourself a time limit, then get on with it again.