To say that the worst possible thing to say to an arachnophobe is that spiders won't hurt them

[thepeopleversuswork]

It's that time of year again and the spider horror stories are on the boards. I'm like a cat on a hot tin roof and my spider OCD is in full effect.

Just noted that as ever the usual response of people blessed not to be scared of spiders is to helpfully inform the afflicted that spiders can't hurt you. Way to miss the point...

Spiderphiles: we all know that spiders can't hurt us. For those of us who are scared of the little bastards this will not be a new thought. It will have been drummed into you by your parents/well meaning friends for decades. It doesn't help at all to know that when your heart rate is through the roof and you can't sleep in your own bed that its alright because you're not going to die of a deadly spider bite. It's a bit like telling someone who has just lost their job to think positive. Well, maybe not, but you get the point.

Glad I got that off my chest. As you were :)

CuriousaboutSamphire, someone called me Worts yesterday so that's an improvement

Spiders can and do bite so tell anyone saying they can't harm you to fuck off. You ever seen a spider bite swelling up and turning nasty? Ew.

I'm terrified of spiders but can put up with cellar spiders (pholcidae) sitting happily in corners near me. Simply because I lived in a house infested with them and had no choice but to become used to them. They don't "scuttle" around like the fat bodied bastards and actually attack and kill those things for us. If one were to actually touch me or get too close however I'd be in full on panic mode.

@MarySibleysFamiliar - they won't harm you if you don't threaten them or harm them first. A simple shake of the gloves to get them out or a check of the shoes should be enough.

@flouncyfanny - so you killed a spider that was not likely to harm you for no reason. Would you do it to a dog? Or a fish? Bet you wouldn't.

Many of The spiders near me bite large mammals, like humans. I am prone to extreme histamine reactions so a simple spider bite is likely to means weeks of swelling and pain.

We also have multiple kinds of venomous spiders whose bites can cause necrotizing fasciitis.

Some of the biting spiders are jumpers.

Telling people that spiders can’t hurt them is a lie.

“Most spiders can’t hurt you” would be true.

The key of course is being able to recognizable the spider breed from a distance which can be tricky.

People say it because they don't understand what a phobia is. They don't understand that a phobia is irrational. It's annoying.

Where I live spiders actually can you hurt you a lot. In fact, some of them can kill you. I was already scared of them before I moved here. Now I'm even more scared of them, but at least people here don't come out with that patronising "it can't hurt you" bullshit.

When I tell people that I have an irrational phobia of birds and fish and reptiles and they say "they're not gonna hurt you" it does my fucking head in! So I get you...

I’m an arachnophile, but I understand as I feel the same way about ill-mannered dogs and their idiotic owners spouting similar platitudes.

I'm a genuine fully paid up arachnophobe. Proper, actual real life panic attack arachnophobe. It is part of my life. My spidey-senses are on at all times.
I'm getting better with age and with having identified what hatched my phobia. If I'm really really brave I might be able to put a glass over one but I couldn't pick it up. The thought of one being on me or anyone else is truly horrifying (that's where it came from).
However, on Saturday night my husband had to spend half an hour calming me out of full on screaming panic when while getting ready for bed I glanced down and there was one of those fucking monster size ones on my chest. I was genuinely terrified, which is a feeling I doubt most "grow up" sneery types have ever experienced. I don't choose to be like this for shits and giggles.

I’m trying really hard to teach my toddler not to be scared of spiders because I know that in my case it’s pretty much a learned fear. I’m also hopeful that when he’s a little bit older he can catch them and put them outside for me. I can’t/don’t kill them because the thought of them crunching makes me feel ill, I can’t hoover them because I can’t get close enough to them, if I see one I’m ok as long as I can keep it in my sight, if I lose it then my mind goes in to absolute overdrive. It’s irrational yes, but very really at the time.

Hypnotherapy can work really well for phobias. It helped me with my fear of dogs. It isn't like stage hypnotherapy, but more like training your brain. I had one session and it was very clever. I had to keep replaying my fear scenario backwards in my mind, and rating my fear level. I am still scared of some types of dogs, but I don't get the adrenaline rush that I used to and I don't cross the road anymore if I see a dog coming towards me. So I am now more wary, than properly scared.

I think what doesn’t help, is too many people who are NOT phobic do a silly pathetic flappy thing over spiders and other insects. And that’s just learned behaviour. Sorry to say, it’s mostly women I’ve seen do it. Actually - it’s only women.

To those people; it’s not going to hurt you. Or if you prefer - it’s very very unlikely to hurt you, and if it does it’s very very unlikely to be serious.

Now some of those idiots will say “oh I’m PHOBIC!!!!!”. No Sharon, you’re not.

I feel for the person who is phobic who gets totally misunderstood because of the ridiculously flappy fools.

I am an arachnophobe, but am better than I used to be, I actually paid for therapy when I was working in Manchester.. It really helped. I can now live with the daddy long legs spiders that live in my house, and eat most of the big ones. Last night, however, a large black scuttly one ran onto my face from my headboard. Partner whacked it, and scooped it up, and put it out of the window. This left me anxious for hours, nauseous etc. It's an irrational fear. But my very own. Although my sister had a huge abscess on her leg from a spider bite, needing hospital treatment, and she nearly had to cancel her wedding.

@Ellisandra I agree done people like the drama. The really arachnaphobes are usually frozen in fear rather than being a squealy and flappy. DH stops dead to watch where it is and track it so he doesn’t get too near.