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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to collect him from the festival

44 replies

Sharpandshineyteeth · 26/08/2019 10:25

I had pretty bad news on Thursday.

As a distraction I booked and paid for two tickets to a festival with my on/off partner.

Friday night was fine, although I could tell he was itching to meet his friends that were there. I wasn’t in the mood so asked if we could Saturday instead.

As the festival is local and family friendly, on the Saturday we collected our toddler from her nanny and brought her for the day, with nanny planning on collecting her in the evening. As the day went on I decided I would go home with her that evening instead. Straight away partner said he wanted to stay, a bit crappy given that I was obviously struggling a bit but ok.

Sunday the plan was to take my two older girls plus the toddler and have another family day as I knew they would love the closing ceremony. I agreed to meet partner at 1:30-2pm in the tent. Got there, he wasn’t there. I left him a sign tell him where to meet us. Again, a bit shitty because the toddler was crying for him. I also tried to ring his mate who said he wasn’t with him at the minute so I left a message to get him to call me. Eventually at 3pm he calls and comes over. Said it was too hot to wait at the tent so had gone to the shade. Again, pretty shitty as I couldn’t relax as I was worried.

Then last night, we took the girls back to the tent at 11am. They fell asleep and he said he’s going to get food. He didn’t come back till 2am so obvs has been off partying again!! In that time the toddler had woken and was hysterical, the eldest needs the toilet and so did I (dodgey stomachs) neither of us could go as I couldn’t fit me and toddler in the stupid toilets and I couldn’t leave her.

When he got back at 2am I said we were going and he needed to stay with the tent.

Now it’s the next day. I am
Not prepared to park up again, walk all that way and help him put down the tent. He will need to ring me and arrange a meeting point. He said last night he’s lost his phone but he’s not stupid, he could find his friends who is he always so desperate to meet and call me.

AIBU not to go back to the festival, where I’m not sure I could even park again and walk to help him with the tent.

OP posts:
weekfour · 26/08/2019 10:27

I wouldn't!
What a dick.

PinkiOcelot · 26/08/2019 10:29

I don’t know why you went back and forward to be honest.
Sorry but to me it all seems a whole load about nothing.
I don’t really blame him for not hanging around the tent all day until 2 pm.

Original poster
Sharpandshineyteeth · 26/08/2019 10:32

I asked him to meet me at the tent between 1:30-2pm in the day on Sunday. Not a huge ask, given he’d lost his phone so I could ca him to arrange

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 26/08/2019 10:36

This sounds horrendously planned, there was so much coming and going and waiting around... but he hasn't been the most helpful, and I wouldn't blame you for not going back today.

GigiIdid · 26/08/2019 10:39

I’m sorry you had bad news, hope you will be ok. I know you booked the festival as a distraction but maybe your head just wasn’t in the right place for it.
He sounds like he’s not there for you right now like you need him to be. I think you need to talk to him and tell him how you are feeling as he might not think it’s that bad hence him going off on his own.

I’d go back and help with the tent then get home, a shower and a sleep if possible with the toddler and then tell him how you feel. I hope he’ll be more supportive.

EleanorReally · 26/08/2019 10:59

he is an on off partner because he often lets you down?

Azeema · 26/08/2019 11:00

Festival was last minute...you booked Thursday for that weekend.
Just sounds like usual result of poor planning. I think partner was confused as to whether this family festival or time for you too to distract and relax as a couple with friends.
Tents way too hot in afternoon...
Yes, he was wrong to disappear whole afternoon and evening. But I don’t understand why this meant you and toddler could not use toilet? How does 3rd person help that? Why too did you have to stay at tent?
It sound like it was disaster for everyone not just you so I would just put it behind you and not let it upset you more.
I would go and help with tent and pick him up.

fedup21 · 26/08/2019 11:01

Having bad news would make me want to have an easy weekend not a horrendously busy and complex one involving kids, meeting places, tents and using grandparents for childcare!

Original poster
Sharpandshineyteeth · 26/08/2019 11:24

@EleanorReally yep. That’s exactly why.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sharpandshineyteeth · 26/08/2019 11:26

@fedup21 I suppose everyone reacts differently to bad news.

As it was local, it wasn’t too much bother to pick up and drop off kids.

He agreed with all of these plans. Especially as when we got there we realised how much the kids would love it. And we would have had to come home at Sunday at 1pm anyway if we didn’t bring the girls.

OP posts:
Zebraaa · 26/08/2019 11:29

I was more intrigued by “collecting our toddler from the nanny” and then dropping her back on the evening.

Heismyopendoor · 26/08/2019 11:31

He sounds like a loser.

Aderyn19 · 26/08/2019 11:33

He sounds shit to me. He did what he wanted and basically left you to it, to cope with the kids and your bad news.
If he was mine I think he'd be 'off' on a more permanent basis!

Original poster
Sharpandshineyteeth · 26/08/2019 11:34

@Zebraaa “with nanny” not the nanny. I’m not that posh, it’s her actual nanna. 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Sharpandshineyteeth · 26/08/2019 11:36

UPDATE

He managed to find a phone and call me. Something he couldn’t manage to do all the other times 😂

He said he couldn’t get all the stuff to the pick up point, I said tough, he said he’ll do two trips.

I can’t possibly leave to collect him just yet though. It’s much too hot 😎

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 26/08/2019 11:37

Don’t go back!

dollydaydream114 · 26/08/2019 11:38

Your life just sounds like endless chaos in general. You lost me at “on off partner” to be honest.

ReanimatedSGB · 26/08/2019 11:50

Is this 'on-off partner' the DCs' dad? Does he live with you all? He seems to be acting more like a casual boyfriend who is getting a bit bored with you than an actual partner (and you yourself describe him as on-off). I think it might be time to bin him and move on.

Boysey45 · 26/08/2019 11:51

I'd let him struggle with the tent and just ignore his calls. Then I'd just get rid of him,hes no asset to your life.

Original poster
Sharpandshineyteeth · 26/08/2019 11:51

@dollydaydream114 that seems unnecessarily nasty tbh.

We have a child together so are trying to make it work and going to counselling tomorrow.

And again, the weekend was a bit chaotic, but everyone deals with things differently. At first I didint think I’d be any good around the kids then I wanted nothing but to be around them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sharpandshineyteeth · 26/08/2019 11:53

@ReanimatedSGB we did live together but I asked him to move out while we worked on things because of his behaviour. Looks like nothing has changed really.

It can be very difficult because he always has a reason or an excuse or can talk his way out of what he has done.

OP posts:
Zebraaa · 26/08/2019 11:53

@Sharpandshineyteeth haha I thought you were super posh! Grin

NameChangeNugget · 26/08/2019 11:54

Why did you expect him to wait?

AFistfulofDolores1 · 26/08/2019 11:55

I agree with @dollydaydream114 that it all sounds chaotic and out of hand, and that neither of you comes across as entirely mature.

AFistfulofDolores1 · 26/08/2019 11:56

Having said that, I'm sorry that you're also dealing with bad news.