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Original poster

DH Hand Gesture

72 replies

Dmacka75 · 26/08/2019 00:13

I've just had a terrible row with my DH, which is not normal, but Its been on my mind since earlier today
We were out with DS4 and I said something which obviously annoyed him, he forcefully slapped the back of one hand against the other 3 or 4 times, which to me seemed quite violent and aggressive.
I ignored it at the time as we were with our son. I've brought it up tonight and he is completely dismissing it, saying it was nothing, I've said it upset me as it seemed as if he was quite obviously upset with something I said, he then said it was his way with dealing with how I made him feel.
I cant even remember what I had said that made him so upset, but felt his reaction was quite aggressive.
I've never had this sort of reaction from him at all with anything. We have been together for 15 years and I'm quite taken aback.
Hes now stormed of to bed and I'm left wondering what's happened.
Any advice would be appreciated

OP posts:
EileenAlanna · 26/08/2019 00:42

Has he been watch any films recently where this "hand slapping" features? Is he subconsciously infuriated about something & "acting out" what he's seen Mafia/Yakuza/some random macho gang doing?

Cheeserton · 26/08/2019 00:43

Like punching one fist into the palm of the other hand.

Well no, that isn't what she said at all. She clearly said slapping the back of one hand into the palm of the other. You just made up the punching part. Why?

Original poster
Dmacka75 · 26/08/2019 00:43

@FlibbertyGiblets that's exactly it and it was just that it was so out of the ordinary for him as a gentle person that he normally is

OP posts:
Cheeserton · 26/08/2019 00:47

that's exactly it and it was
So why did you say something completely different to begin with? You said slapping the back of one hand into the other,. Nothing about punching.

MissPollyHadADolly19 · 26/08/2019 00:50

I use my hands alot when I talk.
If I'm trying to get my point across or having an argument then I will do a hand slap on something, usually my other hand or leg. It's not directed at the person as such, more of a demonstration of what I'm feeling, the frustration at the situation.
Try not to over think OP.

CucinaBreakfast · 26/08/2019 00:50

If it was punching his fist into the palm of his other hand, then ignore my post as that's not how i understood it from your OP.

Cheeserton · 26/08/2019 00:51

If I'm trying to get my point across or having an argument then I will do a hand slap on something, usually my other hand or leg. It's not directed at the person as such, more of a demonstration of what I'm feeling, the frustration at the situation. Try not to over think OP.

I bet you don't punch your hand though, which is what it's apparently turned into. Very different gesture. Aggressive rather than emphatic or frustrated.

FlibbertyGiblets · 26/08/2019 00:52

My first husband did that at me a few times. Luckily he found himself an OW and buggered off. This was gosh 25 odd years ago I should think. So yeah. I recognised the description. Back of the hand into the palm of the other, whether fisted or not, still unpleasant to bear.

user1473878824 · 26/08/2019 00:56

My god. He slapped the back of one hand into the other. Calm down.

user1473878824 · 26/08/2019 00:57

@FlibbertyGiblets hasn’t “made it up” she’s said so it was like doing something.

Cheeserton · 26/08/2019 00:58

My god. He slapped the back of one hand into the other. Calm down.

No, that was in the opening post. It's punched now.

SirJamesTalbotAndHisSpeculum · 26/08/2019 00:58

I do not think this is particularly worrying.

I actually don't know why you're making it into a drama. He was annoyed about something. He didn't hit you.

1forAll74 · 26/08/2019 01:01

I have never heard of anything so silly...people do all sorts of things to release frustrations. This is hardly worth thinking about.

Queenofthestress · 26/08/2019 01:05

I do that occasionally when frustrated, it's nothing to do with aggression towards a person, which I do explain afterwards, it's the physical sensation which is kind of soothing when I can't verbalize how I'm feeling/my thoughts. It's a subconscious reaction, I can't explain why I do it, I just do.

MissPollyHadADolly19 · 26/08/2019 01:06

@Cheeserton the first posts say slapped it was only until the assumption of punching that it changed to that?
Tbh I probably have punched my hands in frustration, it's not a threat of violence, unless I've actually made a literal threat of violence.

LavenderAndBeeswax · 26/08/2019 01:08

Well no, that isn't what she said at all. She clearly said slapping the back of one hand into the palm of the other. You just made up the punching part. Why?
No she didn't, she said "he forcefully slapped the back of one hand against the other 3 or 4 times"
You made up the bit about "slapping the back of one hand into the palm of the other" Why?

Cheeserton · 26/08/2019 01:10

@Cheeserton the first posts say slapped it was only until the assumption of punching that it changed to that?

Exactly.

Kind of reads like this:

OP: He slapped the back of his hand into the other, seems aggressive.
Several posters: You're overreacting, he only slapped his hand into the other.
One other poster: Ah, you mean he punched his hand.
OP: Yes! That's it!

Cheeserton · 26/08/2019 01:12

You made up the bit about "slapping the back of one hand into the palm of the other" Why?
I didn't. you literally just paraphrased that very thing, just with the adding of forcefully. Nothing whatsoever about punching.

LavenderAndBeeswax · 26/08/2019 01:12

OP confirmed FlibbertyGiblets is correct about what happened so now op must be lying about what happened?

Cheeserton · 26/08/2019 01:14

so now op must be lying about what happened?

Not necessarily, but they're very different gestures.

My main concern would be that, as previously mentioned, the slapping thing could seem far more like frustration, whereas punching would be way more aggressive.

LavenderAndBeeswax · 26/08/2019 01:14

You think I added the word forcefully?

escapade1234 · 26/08/2019 01:15

I need a diagram.

Cheeserton · 26/08/2019 01:16

No, added it in terms of it being missing from my paraphrase of the OP's opening description. Otherwise it's the exact same meaning paraphrased. Nothing about punching.

MissPollyHadADolly19 · 26/08/2019 01:17

Whether it was a slap or a punch, it was his own hands with no threat of violence towards the OP, he didn't slap or punch anyone else and I'm assuming, based on the OP, he's not been violent before.

I'm still confused how the it could go from saying slapping to punching..

user1473878824 · 26/08/2019 01:36

From what I read it the OP was saying yes it’s that situation. Either way it’s really not a thing!