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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Having a girly girl daughter when you're the opposite.

42 replies

WeWantSweet · 25/08/2019 21:28

To be clear, I am not a mum. But it's something I've wondered about had I become one and how I would positively respond to it.

OP posts:

Ligresa · 25/08/2019 21:29

I think once you are a mum you just treat your children as individuals don't you? All my dcs are different and I've never expected them to be like me at all.

Pardonwhat · 25/08/2019 21:30

Respond positively to what? Eh?

PeopleMover · 25/08/2019 21:31

A girl is more than just a 'girl', girlie or otherwise.

A child comes with a whole personality and being that I think you are overlooking.

peachypetite · 25/08/2019 21:32

Why are you worrying about something that hasn't happened yet and may never happen?

Cornettoninja · 25/08/2019 21:34

Generally you find pleasure in your dc taking pleasure in something so you just go with it.

If you mean the feminist aspect you just need to be conscious of making sure they’re exposed to a wide range of environments and stimulants so they’re knowledge is wider than what’s immediately in front of their face.

If a girl is a ‘girly girl’ by nature that’s fine.

JaceLancs · 25/08/2019 21:34

You get what you get
I ended up with a very feminine DD and a gay DS wouldn’t change either
Not sure how I class myself anyway I’m very independent and career focussed - activist and feminist
Can’t do my hair to save my life n don’t wear make up - however love fashion and a glittery nail polish
I try not to do stereotypes

Celebelly · 25/08/2019 21:34

I'm pretty sure DD will end up one, just to spite me for never putting her in dresses and her being mistaken for a boy so often because she's in 'boy' clothes, like space and dinosaur stuff. She just doesn't suit 'girly' clothes to me, but I accept that's a massive projection on my part as she's a baby and doesn't really 'suit' anything.

I think you don't really categorise it as being that kind of black and white thing though. It's just a facet of their personality that is different to yours, and one of many you'll discover as they grow. And you just handle it like anything you're not personally interested in but someone you love is.

HerRoyalNotness · 25/08/2019 21:35

You just let them get on with it. My 2.5yo raids my makeup, loves dresses, getting muddy, climbing and jumping. She’s get a bit more depth than being a girly girl.

Sparklesocks · 25/08/2019 21:35

Kids are never going to be exactly like you. They are their own people, with their own interests and quirks and traits.
But it doesn’t matter if they’re not always on your exact wavelength because you love them, and you want them to be the people they wish to be.

dollydaydream114 · 25/08/2019 21:35

Why would you find it difficult to respond positively to anyone, let alone your own child, having different tastes and interests to your own? You’re bringing up a child, not creating a mini-you in your own image.

Being ‘girly’ does not mean being inferior.

RosesAndRaindrops · 25/08/2019 21:37

Oh what? Surely you just respond to them as individuals? I mean, mine are both football mad and boys and I just take them to their matches and watch them ignoring the fact I'm bored to tears on the sidelines, maybe waking up when I register everyone else clapping and figure maybe their side has scored lol
In other words I'd probably suck it up if I had girls. As manicures and spa shit bores me to tears too lol. You learn to smile and nod for the sake of your kids in other words or you tend to enjoy because you're spending time with them even if you don't like said activity.

thefelineofthespecies · 25/08/2019 21:37

Hmm, I kind of get why you'd ask. I was quite 'girly' as a child (although not really at all now) and my mum was very much the opposite. She was always very negative and dismissive and still responds as though even the slightest consideration for ones appearance is frivolous vanity. It's one of several reasons why we're not close.

Kindlethefourth · 25/08/2019 21:37

A child is so much more than a single label. Mine is sporty and comes off the football pitch muddy, grass strained, limping and sweaty 4 times a week. She then emerges from a 23 minute shower and transforms into a glamorous, groomed scented creature who adores hair and make up. You can't put a label on her nor would I want to!!

Runningsmooth · 25/08/2019 21:37

What are you asking? Most fathers are less 'girly girl' than 'girly girls'. Presumably they don't have a problem with their children being themselves. What do you even mean by girly girl? Do you mean playing with dolls and liking dressing up? Preschool boys like these things too. Young children do not really display many characteristics traditionally associated with 'manly men'.

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/08/2019 21:38

Well in my case she went through a stage. What I did was wholesale embrace it. Because when you actually think about it, a girl embracing being a girl and thinking it's good to be a girl is better than one who thinks everything male is better.

For example, the 'boy' TV generally has one, awful, stereotyped girl character who wears pink, is small and a bit shit (see Paw Patrol). Whereas My Little Pony has a range of awesome ponies, all girls, who can be smart, funny, cute, love animals or science or nature. They are great friends who sort their own shit out, and live in a matriarchy. The 'girly' things are sometimes much better messaging for girls.

I mean unicorns are a bloody great magical horse with a massive horn. 'Girly' my arse.

thefelineofthespecies · 25/08/2019 21:39

In summary, behave as the other PPs suggest and not like my mum did to me!

Kubo · 25/08/2019 21:41

Being ‘girly’ does not mean being inferior.

Just this. Learn this.

Celebelly · 25/08/2019 21:42

I mean unicorns are a bloody great magical horse with a massive horn. 'Girly' my arse.

God, yes. Unicorns are my one concession to 'girlyness' actually. DD has a lot of unicorn stuff. T-shirts, leggings, sleeping bag, books...

And I might have unicorn sheets on the spare bed at the moment...

TinklyLittleLaugh · 25/08/2019 21:42

Ha ha, mine are pretty girly, always wanting me to do a spa day or shopping trip or suchlike with them. I’d rather do some gardening or birdwatching. We meet somewhere in the middle; it’s not a big deal really.

Ellisandra · 25/08/2019 21:47

As you said, you’re not a mum.
When you have kids, you find that they’re not a perfect carbon copy of you.
Mine keeps choosing fantasy / dragon / witch type books to read together - bores me to tears, I like more “real life” stuff. She’s still ace. You get what you get - and find that they amaze you anyway. Mine LOVES make up. I don’t wear any at all. I still think she looks ace and enjoy her excitement. Don’t overthink this!

PurpleDaisies · 25/08/2019 21:49

Because when you actually think about it, a girl embracing being a girl and thinking it's good to be a girl is better than one who thinks everything male is better.

The problem comes when things like toys, games, school subjects and behaviours are defined as male and female. There shouldn’t be such a thing as a “girly girl”. If she is a girl, that should be the end of it.

lljkk · 25/08/2019 21:54

There are dozens of things kids do that aren't your taste.
Immoral criminal rude crude dangerous: these things you get to control and squash on.
The rest, not so much.

One of my dislikes of Home-Ed is I see it used by people who very much want their kids to be very much like themselves. This is badged as making sure their kids have the right "values."

I've said this a million times.
I can't raise my kids to think for themselves and then complain that they do.

Original poster

WeWantSweet · 25/08/2019 21:58

I didn't mean girly girl as a derogatory thing, fwiw.

OP posts:

Siameasy · 25/08/2019 22:00

That’s my daughter. I had an “idea” of what my imaginary daughter would be like before she was born. When she was a baby I often chose fairly unisex clothes. I was a tomboy and just thought she would be like me.
She loves dolls, make up (not that she wears it but she would if she could), frills, glitter, pink, fairies etc etc. All the things I sneered at as a 70s-born tomboy.
However I now embrace whatever she likes so long as it is age appropriate and there is nothing inferior about girls liking girlie things, she can like whatever she wants. It seems to be celebrated if boys like girlie things like isn’t this great but frowned upon for girls to

Happyspud · 25/08/2019 22:01

Everyone has an individual personality that is both like and not like their parents. It’s not for you to be the same as them or make them the same as you. If you were a ‘girly’ mum, would you think you would be unable to identify and respond positively with your son?

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