Having a girly girl daughter when you're the opposite.

[WeWantSweet]

To be clear, I am not a mum. But it's something I've wondered about had I become one and how I would positively respond to it.

My daughter is much more “girly” than I was, ever have been, insofar as she loves pink and insists that certain things a for “girls” or for “boys”. Her favourite colour isn’t an issue, but I correct her every time she says anything is “for” girls/boys.

It’s a gentle “x is for anyone, girl or boy, who likes it” for me. Every time.

You would respond in the same way you'd respond to any characteristic that wasn't identical to your own.

This is me. I'm the least girliest person in the world. Literally wear make up about 3 times a year (don't actually own more than a lip gloss at the mo as don't know where my make up went when we moved recently). Very rarely wear skirts pretty much live in jeans and T-shirt. My 8 year old daughter from being tiny is the girliest girl going, it's all pink and sparkly. She does like a bit of other as well, we had a teenage mutant ninja turtles phase and she has always been given toys based on what she enjoys so we've had cars, lego, turtles. I have been sacked from playing Barbie as apparently I didn't play well enough and was sent to the corner but in my defense I only had one as a kid and I cut its hair off so don't really have a reference point 😅😂😂. It doesn't matter though she knows to ask her aunt for make up tips as mummy isn't great but I'm awesome at lots of other things and as long as she doesn't make me wear pink or skirts I let her dress how she wants.

I understand what you're saying, #1 was a boy and when I found out we were having #2 I worried how i'd deal with daft things like hair styling for school because there were/are some seriously competitive plaits going on in the school playground 😂

As it transpired #2 is indeed a girl but tbh other than insisting on having her nails painted regularly (this is completely alien to me as I didn't even own a nail polish beforehand!) she is pretty much the same as DS. I just try to indulge her as best I can and encourage it because she seems to enjoy it which is all that matters.

I just let them play with what they want/do what they want and wear what they want - neither of mine are stereotypical boys/girls but very few children are if you don't force it.

This happened to me - i was a tomboy with a hatred of make up etc. DD came out in a puff of pink glitter, obsessed with clothes and make up. It was a bit of a shock but i've followed her lead and now wear dresses and make up far more

You just let them be themselves. All of mine have different personalities, likes and interests. I’m not at all girly and I have one daughter who loves football and tracksuits and another who won’t leave the house unless she is properly groomed - I’ve no idea where she learnt to do her hair like that! I’m in the “if it’s washed and brushed, I’m good to go” camp. My youngest son likes nail polish more than I do, and that’s ok too in my world. I have a stutter from being forced to be a right hander when I’m naturally a leftie and some pretty dire “not good enough” leftover guilt from my own childhood. I refuse to do anything but encourage my children to be the best versions of themselves they can be and to treat everyone else around them with respect, kindness and acceptance.

I’m the least girly girl in the world and I loveee dressing my girl up like a princess, pink girly dresses and flowery outfits, she just looks fantastic in them even if I’d not wear it. She’s only a baby though so she might end up like me when she’s older 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP, your children are not you.

My 5 year old once asked me why I dont wear lots of make up like proper mummies 😂. She's already girlier than me and it's good fun. Never saw it as a problem it's just her.

Most people are just balanced aren't they?

What is a girly girl? I've never met one.
I brought both dd dolls and they didn't like them and never got into playing babies!

But they adored their princess dresses and dressing up and happily did physical stuff too.
I wouldn't try and curtail any interest the dc has, if you get toys free like I did on local sites its more fun, you won't get channeled gender toys. Also take dc to car boots and let them choose toys.

Most dc I've come across just like what seems fun to them

My eldest daughter wasn’t girly girl in the slightest growing up. Didn’t like dolls, preferred fluffy animals. Didn’t like prams, Barbies, anything like that. Didn’t like wearing a skirt even at school, always wore trousers. Complete Tom boy. Wanted boys toys. Loved going on her bike, hanging with lads rather than girls.
She’s now 18 and loves dresses, having her hair and nails done, has lots of female friends complete opposite. She wants to work with animals and tells me she doesn’t ever want children (at the minute).
I let her be who she wants to be allowed her to develop like any parent would. Things change, people change.

OP, your children are not you

Yeah this basically!

I worry about this too, OP!

Thanks so much for responses. I get from this that the love you feel for your child means it will work itself out :)

I’m probably quite ‘girly’ as you say in that I wear makeup and like fashion. Both DDs are the same but they are quite different to me in character. As a pp said, a child’s personality is so much more than looks. DH isn’t girly and is one of 3 brothers, very sporty but has had no difficulty relating to his daughters.

This is one of the amazing and fun and exhilarating things about having children- that they stretch you and take you out of your comfort zone and make you experience more of life.

I am a totally non-girlie, bookish/outdoors person. Only time I have worn lipstick in my life was for my wedding. I used to spend my holidays covered in mud on archaeological sites or gutting fish on my parents' boat. A good night to me is a night spent curled up reading an ancient chronicle in Latin.

I have a daughter who is heavily into makeup and socialising and has done some modelling. Doesn't leave the house unless she has spent half an hour on her face. Knows about cocktails.

I have a son who is interested in sports and weight-lifting, and who prides himself on not having read anything since the Oxford Reading Tree, with the possible exception on Zlatan's autobiography.

Neither of them has any interest in nature, or in history, or in foreign languages. Neither of them will be going to university (though dd is at stage school).

It's brilliant: I have all these new things to find out about, and it doesn't matter if I am ignorant or feel awkward or even get a bit bored at times, because we're family: we're stuck with each other!

Cory that’s brilliant.