Pigeons!!

[Bowsy5]

The lady who lives downstairs has 6-8 birds in her flat at any given time. She's some sort of one-woman bird rescuer or something.

Fine. The flat stinks of bird shit, but once you put something over your nose when you walk up the stairs, you can cope.

Where I can't cope is the fucking bastard pigeons. She feeds them every morning [cry]
Consequently, there are constantly pigeons everywhere. I woke up this morning to bird shit literally on every pane of glass on my bedroom window.
I hung out the window, scrubbed it off, then vomited.
It's fucking disgusting.

Last week a guy came out to fix my plumbing and he was like 'there's so much pigeon shit, it's unhygienic'. That's a lot coming from a plumber!

Question. Is there any way the woman downstairs can be asked to stop feeding the fucking dirty flying rats and contaminating the entire block?

Can't you get histoplasmosis from pigeon droppings?

I gather from your post that you have a pigeon phobia, as your post comes over as extreme and quite hysterical. There is no way every pane of glass on your windows could be covered in pigeon faeces so that in itself is an exaggeration. Is it possible that as the pigeons are uppermost in your thoughts that you introduced that topic of conversation to your plumber?

My grandma was given an ASBO because he wouldn't stop feeding the birds. His flat (top flat in a 4 in a block) always had pigeons sitting on the roof, maybe 50 at a time.

I live by the sea and the seagulls can be a bit aggressive, you can get fake birds of prey kite type things you attach to the chimney/roof. Keeps the birds away because they avoid the 'predator'

YANBU I'm scared of birds and this would be my worst nightmare. You should get one of those fake bird of prey first - see if that works.

Nope - plumber brought it up. 4 panes of glass on bedroom window. All 4 panes of glass had big blobs of shite all down them. The other neighbours keep themselves to themselves, in fact, if I was to pick them out in a line up, I'd be hard pressed to do so - I rarely see them - in fact I don't know whether all flats are occupied.

They're ugly creatures, but it's their shite I have an issue with - apart from on my windows, obviously it's all along the pavements where they obviously sit on the ledge of the roof (waiting for their next meal grrrrrr).

There are 5 storeys to this building and all sorts of ledges on different levels - I couldn't get up on the roof with one.

You might be able to put one in a window box?

I quite like the idea of a zoomy fake owl though! I may have to invest on one of those!!

They installed one where I used to work and the pigeons moved on.

They look fun anyway zooming around!

She’s unlikely to own her flat out right, it’s probably a leasehold and there may be rules in the lease about what she can and can’t do. It’s probably worth speaking to the owner of the block and environmental health.

The owner of the block is the council. She said she owns her flat. She also thinks she owns the grounds! Bizarrely, the pigeons don't shit near her - they shit everywhere else. She has cats and feeds a few stray cats too! Lol. I know she's lonely. I've been in her flat and the stench is horrendous. It's a clutterers paradise - no room to move in it, nowhere to sit down. She's lonely, obviously loves birds and what she does in her own flat doesn't bother me - it's feeding the fucking pigeons and having them hang around that pisses me off. In my mind it's the equivalent to feeding rats. That they have wings is immaterial to me - they're rodents in my eyes.

I'm going to call Environmental Health in the morning and see if I get any joy. Failing that, I'll try the council themselves.

I don't think appealing to her in writing would be beneficial. I was there one morning and she said 'oh I have to feed MY birds' and threw all this seed stuff out on the lawn for the bastards.

The only other option is that we have a caretaker who comes once a week to clean the internal communal areas - I know they cleaned the shit up outside the entrance one week, so maybe if I request that they do that once a week it might push the council to doing something about her and her blooming birds!!

Do you know the scene from Home Alone - Lost in New York where the bird lady throws the bird seed on the villain and all the pigeons attack him? Well it's a bit like that every time you leave the flat. And then we have the SHIT! EVERYWHERE!!

This is what it's like leaving the flats.........

Why do you not complain to the council that are your landlords aswell as EH? They are your agents and should be acting on your behalf. If there are several council owned properties, then you guys have the majority vote. If she is an owner then she likely will own some land out the back, but unless she fences it off, it will still be classed as a communal area and she is contaminating that area for you all. Even if she owned 100%, the birds aren't only crapping in her area, are they?! Ways you can encourage council/environmental health/ other neighbours to get onboard:

• say you have seen rats in the garden area and you believe her seeds are attracting them *Have heard rustling behind your walls - perhaps a pigeon has got into the walls or loft area?! Costly for the landlords to investigate! Again, attracted by her seeds *You have slid and fallen because of the mass quantities of bird shit strewn on your entryway. Health & safety nightmare. ATTRACTED BY HER SEEDS. *The pigeons have become enraged at you disliking the. They have swooped and attached. H&S chaos. You fear for your eyes But seriously, so many reasons why they should get this sorted for you!!

Her being disabled is really here nor there. Not your monkeys and not your circus. Just because she has nothing else to entertain her does not mean you need to be navigating your way through this literal shit. I would be kicking off in a big way.

They're ugly creatures

No they're not, the couple we have in our garden are adorable, they come every morning and evening and clear up all the seed the starlings and sparrows have dropped from the feeders. Then they have a bath and a drink, then they sit on the fence surveying their kingdom.

The bloody starlings are more of a pain in the arse when you're trying to listen to the radio and they're screeching their heads off, all 50 of them

Think 100 pigeons. Not two.

@whocanbebothered I'm liking your thinking.......... Good tips - I'm going to go extreme on this as there is a family here with a young baby so I'm going to mention the risk to baby learning to crawl on pigeon shit infected floors (they may take their shoes off indoors for all I know but I'll mention it).

Pretty sure pigeon shite is toxic and can cause breathing issues.

The council may well send a hawk man round.

Firstly you need to stop directing so much anger at the pigeons, they’re birds who are being fed, and of course that’s going to result in them shitting. But, they are BIRDS! They don’t give two shits about your glass.

Have you actually tried speaking to your neighbour about the problem? I’d see this as the first step before contacting the council etc.

Vermin is just a stupid word used to label animals which get in human’s way - they’re not doing anything wrong in this situation.

Am I the only one picturing the bird lady from Mary Poppins?

I hate the fuckers too OP.
When we moved into our house there were none. Then 2 appeared. The woman in the 1st floor flat facing our back yard throws bread out every day onto the flat roof of ground floor flats kitchen extension and wont fucking stop.
Now there are 9 in just over a year.

They hear the back door open and all sit on my roof waiting for her. Never on hers!

they’re not doing anything wrong in this situation.
Eh ye they are - they're shitting everywhere.