At what age do you say "you'll eat what you are given?" (If at all?)

[Elmo311]

My 15month old DS has just rejected the meal we have offered him for dinner. By rejected I mean he literally picks it all up and throws it on the floor! Whilst making eye contact, and displeased sounds! We don't react to this.

After these rejections we end up offering him something else for dinner, which he will then eat as he has certain food preferences.

Obviously I wouldn't let him go to bed on an empty stomach, but I also feel like I'm making a rod for my own back for the future!

Would it be unreasonable to keep offering the same meal until he eats some?
What have others done?

I'm aware this isn't really an AIBU but I've tried to make it one
I just really would love some advice on how to deal with this ?

Thank you

I always offer small portions of a couple of different things - usually one I know they like and one I’m hoping they like.

Keep some back to gradually top up their plate if they eat some.

They can always have toast with peanut butter, or a banana, if they didn’t like their meal. So there’s no drama, if they choose not to eat something it’s fine.

I think that approach cuts down on tension/arguments/power struggles around food.

There’s a great book called “getting the little blighters to eat” which gives you more examples of how to deal with fussiness.

@8by8 Thanks for that, I'll check that book out!
I will offer him something else , but I worry that he will just always get his own way. And he's so cute too. Dammit!

We started at about 18 months with DD when it became obvious that she was testing us. She still doesn’t really eat some dinners but I have to assume she’s not hungry because she doesn’t ask for more food.

She’s 3 now and perfectly healthy.

I wouldn’t recommend giving a child who has threw their dinner something else. Otherwise, that will be the response you get every time, they don’t quite fancy what you’ve cooked.

I don’t quite remember what DD4 ate at 15 months, but by 18 months I would use those divider plates, and put a small portion of what we were eating pasta for example, then small pieces of cheese, fruit, savoury items in others.

@BelleSausage So if she doesn't eat the dinners, do you just leave it and not offer anything else?

I would say ‘no’ when he throws it on the floor and act displeased.

Don’t go over the top but I do think it’s important he learns that’s not ok.

Small portions, put a little on his plate at a time.

If you run out of the meal you have cooked and you think he’s generally hungry. A banana or toast if he really hasn’t eaten. Try again next meal 😃

@Champagne791 Thank you. I have tried the divider plates, but will keep going with them. If he doesn't like one thing on his plate then all of it usually ends up on the floor!

@AppleKatie He usually cries at 'no' so we do sometimes pick it up and say "food stays on the plate DS" but that doesn't work, so maybe a no is needed.
I'll try it thank you!

We have been having this issue recently with my 17 month old so first of all we try really celebrating every mouthful by clapping and praising him which tends to make him eat more .
If this won't work then we give up on dinner and we don't give him an alternative but he will have some toast or porridge before bedtime so his tummy is full .
One thing I have noticed though is making sure he is actually hungry before dinner time which I know sounds simple but if he's not hungry then he will just get a little destructive and throw the food , we now don't give him a snack after 3pm ( dinner at 5pm ) which makes sure he is very ready for dinner

The food throwing might just be a phase. Mine did that but she can now tell us no if she doesn't want something by shaking her head at it.

I guess it depends on how much he is refusing. Mine hates mushrooms, won't entertain them at all but then so does her dad and I don't try to get him to eat them. If it's just a few things I'd avoid them for a bit.

I try to treat mine as I wish to be treated. I, for example, find the smell of scrambled egg (let alone the taste) makes my stomach turn. So I don’t eat it.

I won’t accept a fuss and I do expect tasting of new things but I try (I agree with PP) to only have one new thing at a time.

Also worth accepting that sometimes people aren’t hungry. I try to look at an entire week’s food rather than panic. DS2 (3) picked at lunch today and hasn’t snacked at all. I’m assuming it’s the heat. But he’s eaten fine all week so I shan’t fuss.

I remember this phase.Dd would turn down food,even things she liked the week before.
I simply used to ask if she was finished,eat my meal and then put her down to play.
She had a cup of milk and a biscuit at bed time so no starving.
She never turned down breakfast and I think that sometimes she just wasn't hungry/had more important things to do.
As long as she was drinking and energeticI didn't worry.
I didn't offer alternatives just acted matter of fact,offer the fruit or yogurt pud(I never cook puds) .
She grew out of it or was able to say what she didn't like it not hungry.

If they have strong food preferences, offer a meal that includes their preferred foods and some new ones. Otherwise you risk creating issues over food.
Food preferences aren't a deliberate choice - there are still some things I can't eat as an adult without gagging after being forced to eat them as a child.

Got one fussy eater here who would do exactly as yours does, if he doesn’t want to try it it ends up on the floor. We made a rod for our back by doing exactly as you do, giving him an alternative dinner.

We eventually just had to start saying no and making him sit at the table until we were finished too which was when he learned that it’s better to at least try what’s put in front of him. He still won’t eat much and is still incredibly fussy. We used to always make sure to make meals centred around at least one ingredient that he likes (potato or pasta or meats like sausages normally) but it really restricted our diet so now we just give him what we’re wanting and if he refuses to eat or try it then he waits til supper before bed (cereal, porridge, occasionally scrambled eggs and toast).

Fussy eaters are hard work, you’ll get there eventually though!

Thanks for all the advice so far and it's good to know I'm not alone on this!
He always has a snack at 3pm. And then dinner is at 6pm. Bedtime is 7/7:30pm.

He knows some signs so he comes up to me around meal times and will put his hand to his mouth for 'food'.

He's just eaten a banana so he was hungry....

I will try to offer him more meals with food he prefers in it, I think we've got ourselves into a bit of a hole now! He also sometimes won't eat something unless there's ketchup on it!

What have we done!!!

The phrase in our house is "You don't have to eat it, but this is whats for dinner." Children can have more of any element of the meal they do like (and there is always at least one) but there is no alternate or replacement meal option. If they opt not to eat it or any fruit, theyre not hungry and the food goes away until the next mealtime.

I haven't had cause to regret it (or been reported to Amnesty International) yet.

@Elmo311

We offer nothing else. Her appetite is really variable and the playing with good is often really attention seeking.

I know that tonight’s dinner isn’t her favourite so I’m just going to give her the bits she will eat- pasta, cheese and a little tomato sauce (she hates the onions in the sauce). But she gets the same as us.

Invest in a suction-bottomed divider plate to stick on the table/tray if you haven't already! At least if dinner gets launched its not the whole plate, gives you a bit more time to intercept food filled fists 😉

I go with a ‘buffet’ inspired plate these days. Bits of cooked whole meal pasta, tomatoes, avocado, bread sticks, boiled egg, tuna mayo, grated cheese or cut up mozzarella etc whatever he is in to that week and if he hasn’t eaten much that day I’ll do him something I KNOW he will have (like a potato waffle or garlic bread) because I know he will eat some of it! He is teething at the mo (nearly two) so any food is a bonus!

With my DD we had a plastic mat around her high chair as she loved to drop/throw food. When she dropped/threw food we wouldn't react but pick it up, put it back on her tray and carry on with no conversation/eye contact. I used to get so stressed at mealtimes and my HV suggested this and it worked! They won't starve and will soon learn - that's it, take it or leave it. Years on and DD still knows if she doesn't eat her dinner then that's it but obviously now we include her with our menu and she can voice her likes/dislikes etc. You do need to be firm and consistent (easier said than done I know)

We never quite phrased it like that, but for lunch if it went on the floor that was that, and for dinner we would offer the same thing a bit later and if that was turned down that was that. Maybe offer a cheese sandwich if it was something new, definitely no sweets. We know DS eats like a hoover though, so if he turns something down he genuinely isn’t hungry.

Nursery was great for encouraging him to eat whatever was offered! I don’t know if it was peer pressure or just the knowledge that there was no other food available, but he will eat anything and everything there, and it’s definitely helped at home too.

I think from around 9 or 10 months, we said DCs could have pudding if they ate all the veg and protein on their plate! If they didn't eat their veg and protein when they were little, they could have a banana or some veg sticks instead and possibly porridge, but no pudding.

Now they are older the same rules apply. We've always done it in a friendly way - this is what's on offer, there is no pressure at all to eat it, but if you don't eat the veg and most of the protein (fish, chicken or whatever it is), then there's no pudding.

(We've never made them finish chips or potato etc... They like these so if they don't eat them, it usually simply means they r full! Which is fair enough!!!)

They are both great eaters!! So I guess it worked!! (Touch wood!!!! So far!!!!)

Since starting solids! I’ve never given either of mine the option of anything else. They are 1.5 and 3.5. They eat well and are healthy weights and I don’t mind if they don’t finish it or leave something out. It’s their choice. I don’t bargain, bribe or coerce.
But I’ve never ever given them something else when they’ve said they don’t want to eat a meal.
We eat a healthy and varied diet with organic ingredients and I hate food waste. So no way would I throw food away and make something else. Also I think if you offer something different you are giving them the green light to be a fussy eater by accommodating their food refusal.
If they complain, which isn’t often, I just calmly explain it’s their choice whether they eat it or not. Even if they protest or grumble, it doesn’t last long and they are wolfing it down minutes later. I may have just been lucky but I think that’s really helped to avoid fussiness. Both will eat everything pretty much. I also let them help grow fruit/veg in our garden and cook with me, which I think helps too.

Ps. If they don't want their veg and protein, or the fruit / veg alternative, then they don't get anything! When they r hungry, they will eat!! :)

We also have never done puddings / desserts so I think that helps as there is nothing else to hold out for!