Do you just turn up?

[Passthebubbly]

So I have a friend who I adore but we are clearly very different in some ways. The thing is, she just turns up at the house, a lot. Wether I say I am busy or not she will just appear.
I am kind of more insular person and prefer to know when people are coming. It’s really stressing me out but I don’t want her to be upset and feel unwelcome. She is always welcome if I know she is coming.
Her kids are grown and she is single. I am married with still young kids. For example today I had said no to meeting up as we had a lot on but i would have her round one night next week. I arrived home late this afternoon to her driving away from my driveway. She is not lonely has loads of friends and great family. How do I get her just to understand i like to plan things rather than just have her turn up unannounced. Time before today was a Saturday night at 21.20 with her 22 year old daughter. God I sound like a bitch

I'd hate it if someone just turned up at my door as I'm 90% likely to either be in my pyjamas or 'house clothes' with my hair tied on top of my head and no bra.

It's not the done thing with anyone that I know. We'd always message first.

Where I live it's normal to call around to speak to someone but not to expect to be invited in. Neighbors call around most days, communication is usually best face to face. However were happy to chat on the driveway/ doorstep unless it's raining - it's what everyone does around here and avoids those endless misunderstandings which MN threads give the impression occur frequently when people only feel able to communicate by text message!

Someone walking into my house because the door was unlocked or wide open (it often is) would get short shrift and no longer be a friend though - I could stand that! Are other family members expected to entertain/ put up with the friends of other members of the household if the person the wander-inner has come to visit isn't home? There could be a sick child lying on the sofa, other guests from miles away visiting, something stressful going on, someone in a state of partial undress walking through the room for some reason (to get a particular item of clothing from the laundry room in our case), the only person home might be working, studying, on an important phone call. Apart from anything they'd give the occupants an almighty shock by just walking in!

I always answer my door and do think not doing (as long as you're dressed) is rude, but I don't think there's any obligation to invite anyone in!

Popping in is quite normal, only on MN do you have to have synchronised calendars and make an appointment three months in advance and apply for a parking permit - and that's just for your own blood relatives and freinds, let alone in laws, who have to submit a written request detailing the nature of the visit, the duration

😴😴😴

Someone trots out this nonsense every time this topic comes up for discussion. There’s a big difference between needing a written invitation in copper plate and maybe just taking 30 seconds to call and check if someone’s in and it’s convenient.

I don't like people popping in either. They really do need to let me know in advance. YANBU. Also people who make plans then never follow through, they stress me out too. Both of these sets of people won't be friends with me for long.

Neighbours and local friends arrive unannounced always but more distant friends would usually phone or email first. If it was for more than a coffee/half hour then it would usually be arranged but the occasional ‘We’ve bought supper’ is nice.

I have a relative who does this , but she's a single woman living alone so I think it's she works to her own timetable and doesn't get that a lot of people with families have routine .
She turns up just as my mum be about to serve dinner , drives my mum mad as she'd offers something to eat she declines so has to sit and wait for people to finish eating .
Like someone else said a quick text to say I'm popping round this afternoon if your in would be fine then you know to expect a visitor.

Hi needy friend
I confused as neighbour said you came round, did you see the message where I said I was busy all day? Sorry I can't always make time to see you but working from home and the children is two full time jobs. Are you free day?

I think you need to Spell. It. Out.

(and why does everything have to be fucking regional on MN?)