...to ask what are the do's an dont's when dealing with a fussy eater?

[Hmmmmminteresting]

Ds1 is almost 4 and has always been a great eater. Loves fruit and veg and will always eat veg on his plate before anything else. Will help himself to fruit. Doesn't pull a face when he gets an apple for pudding unlike some of his friends.
Assumed it was due to my great parenting skills.
Well ds1 is 17 months and is a bloody nightmare. Hes gone from eating everything put in front of him, to the last 4 months hardly eating anything. He says no to all fruit at home and at nursery. He wont even try it. He just pushes the bowl away and if we persue it he cries. Dinner he will filter out all the good stuff. The only healthy thing he likes is corn on the cob! We never changed anything or did anything different it just started one day when he wouldnt eat banana which is unlike him and it's got progressively worse. We dont offer him an alternative but then in return I just get tears constantly because hes so hungry! Dh is of the opinion we need to admit defeat and start giving him crisps or something as a snack inbetween as hes hungry and then pudding give him a bit of chocolate. Since this started he now wakes at least 3x a night (never ever used to wake) and is just generally a lot more unhappy that he used to be. He dropped his milk and only has 2 small cups a day but isn't interested we really have to encourage him with it. Hes not underweight.
How do you deal with a fussy child!
What are the do's and don'ts?!

Today he's eaten weetabix, a bit of pesto pasta, a small sausage roll, some cheese and a ham thin.

Hes refused toast, an orange, a yoghurt, blueberries and raspberries. We then give all this to ds1 who we know will eat it!

Don't turn it into a battle. If he refuses his meals then don't force the issue.

If he is hungry later then offer him something plain like bread and butter (NOT chocolate or crisps; that is a recipe for disaster and you may find he'll soon refuse to eat nothing but) or a small bowl of pasta as a snack.

As above, just offer food and take away any left. Don't get into discussions, don't plead or fuss. Meet 'I don't like it' with 'that's ok' and don't engage.

If they're hungry towards the end of the day, offer toast or something boring, no 'reward' for not eating.

I agree with PPs. If he's hungry just offer something plain.

But other than that, some kids just don't want to eat as much as their parents think they should.

Having a fussy eater who is off the scale (and probably with sensory issues) I've seen dietitians, where the basic advice is that you, the parent, chose what food to offer and when to offer it. The child chooses what, if anything to eat. Praise for eating well is good, but ignore what they don't eat, and don't try to persuade them (I have failed spectacularly at following this advice!). Give them pudding (if you are all having it) whether or not they eat the first course.

Try to include something your child will eat in each meal. I'm hoping your DS will eat some form of basic carb (bread/pasta/rice/potatoes etc.); that will help him not be as hungry.

It's not much fun; you have my sympathy.

Let him go hungry. It's a hard but good lesson for them. If he is desperately hungry he has plain bread and water, nothing nice.

I had a fussy eater, but never thought to give him crisps and chocolate, instead just gave him more of the foods he did eat.

Like toast, pasta, scrambled egg, corn on the cob, whatever

Just give him mainly food he likes (real food, not crap) and occasionally put something new alongside it

If he's hungry, offer him a banana or another piece of fruit. He will eat if he is hungry. He won't starve himself. You just have to be strong and not give in. If you keep placating him with junk (or even toast like others have suggested) he will know it's an option and never eat what he is given.

Don't make a fuss- if he doesn't want it he doesn't want it. But he doesn't get biscuits or chocolate instead. He will eventually try the new things and enjoy them

Awww don't follow KatherineJaneway's advice, don't let him go hungry. It's unnecessary.

He should be given a small portion of what you are eating at mealtimes. No fuss. No special treatment. If he doesn't eat it just leave him. He will learn that meals are set and not a negotiation.

And of course lots of praise for trying something

Today he's eaten weetabix, a bit of pesto pasta, a small sausage roll, some cheese and a ham thin.

It’s only just after lunchtime? That sounds like plenty of food?

Have a look at www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/how-to-feed/the-division-of-responsibility-in-feeding/

Just check his teeth and mouth are ok. Otherwise don't make a fuss about it. It's hard but they do grow out of it. Takes longer if you battle.

Today he's eaten weetabix, a bit of pesto pasta, a small sausage roll, some cheese and a ham thin.

ok, so it's lacking fruit and veg but it isn't terrible.

DS is generally a great eater but has gone through fussy stages. Each time we just keep giving him food at meal times and then take it away once the meal is over. No alternatives, no nagging, no pleading or bribing. Always make sure it is majority stuff he normally likes.

If he's hungry in between we offer fruit, veg or plain rice cakes.

Don't make it a battle ground. You choose the daily 'menu' he chooses what and how much of it to eat.

Serve dinners in the middle of the table in separate dishes. Let everyone help themselves to what they want with no comment or judgements. Always have one safe food you know they eat at each meal. So if you are making roast chicken serve it all up and make sure you have corn on the cob there. Don’t starve them. It won’t work. Kids who can help themselves make better choices

Awww don't follow KatherineJaneway's advice, don't let him go hungry. It's unnecessary.

Bread won't leave him hungry but it is also not seen as a treat food by many.

If he gets the food he wants by being a fussy arse, he wins. He needs to learn he cannot dictate mealtimes.

Involve them in food prep where possible, have bowls of food on the table for everyone to help themselves from, don't comment on what is or isn't being eaten. I wouldn't offer sweets/crisps between meals if hungry, I'd go for cereal (plain and without added sugar), toast or fruit/veg. My fussy eater is now 27 and far less fussy than his much easier to feed 29 year old sister but for years he only ate white food, even his toast had to be white with no hint of browning.

I feel for you OP, it’s hard. No real advice apart from just keep at it. Lots of praise when he does eat something and even more praise if he tries something new, even the tiniest nibble. I remember with my DS when he was about 4, I literally had nothing in the freezer apart from scampi and chips as I was waiting for my food delivery. Knew he’d never eat it if I said it was scampi so said it was chicken nuggets and he wolfed it down. Scampi is still one of his favourite meals now and he’s 16 (and yes he knows it’s scampi!) Can you try sneaky techniques like that?

Ds was a brilliant eater until about that age and then awful until about age 4. Give him very small amounts of whatever you are all having and let him eat them or not. Don’t give him loads (any) attention based on him not eating it. At the end of the meal just chuck what he hasn’t touched away and then everyone chooses a fruit from the fruit bowl.
It’s ok to be hungry, another meal will be along soon.
It’s a really common phase and in by completely anecdotal experience the people who start on a diet of Nutella sandwiches and crisps because “that’s all he will eat” are the ones that will drag it on the longest.

Also, he doesn’t need a pudding even fruit. Just keep offering stuff you want him to eat, don’t make a big fuss and don’t let him go to bed hungry , even if it’s just weetabix before bedtime. This is important as hunger will disturb sleep which will make him even grumpier etc.

I have a similar DC but he is now 3. The advice to starve him and 'if he's hungry, he'll eat' is poor, I really wouldn't recommend it.
I give DC food he will eat, and always put something he won't usually eat on his plate. It is routinely ignored but occasionally he'll try it.
I don't give my children snacks regularly, but if they are hungry between meals I'll offer something they will eat but that is healthy, there so absolutely no need to be offering crisps or chocolate.
Praise what DC does eat and try to be gentle when they don't want to eat certain things.
Positive reinforcement will go much further than punishment and battles.

It’s only just after lunchtime? That sounds like plenty of food?

That's what I was thinking too.

Some kids really don't need or want as much food as their parents think they should.

There's always at least one person who comes along saying let them go hungry, they can't dictate mealtimes, they won't starve. Absolute rubbish. My advice is what most PPs have said, no fuss at all about whether they eat what you've offered, plenty of praise if they do, let them have something plain if they won't eat. My DS would only eat around 6 foods when he was little, would literally run out of the room screaming if we offered anything different. His 6 foods comprised a mix of carbs, protein and fruit/veg so I let him have them. I always offered some of our meal on a separate plate. No fuss if he left it (just took the plate away without any fuss) loads of praise if he tried something.
He's a tall strong 15 year old now who eats pretty much anything put in front of him. In fact his favourite meal is curry.
They all get there in their own time.

@Didntwanttochangemyname sounds like our approach is/was very similar!

@ThisIsNotAIBUPeople I'm so glad to see your son is 15 now! I've got absolute confidence in how we are dealing with DCs eating (he is beyond picky and I am pretty sure it's sensory), but it's hard to stay the course with others giving their unsolicited opinions.