to leave DP's uni friends weekend to meet my best friend who lives abroad?

[detectivebird]

i'm currently away with dp, six of his friends from uni and their wives / girlfriends / babies. we're in the uk staying in a cottage around 300 miles from home for three nights. i've met them all many times before. it's a chilled weekend - boys playing cricket on the lawn, bbq, etc.

my best friend lives abroad (in europe so not hugely far away but still a two hour flight) and i've seen him once this year and seeing him again in november. by sheer coincidence he is going to be 30 miles away from where we are staying early afternoon tomorrow for a few hours. aibu to skip the country walk and sunday lunch we have planned for tomorrow, to go and meet him for 2.5 hours?

i've suggested it to dp to see how he feels about it and he doesn't seem that happy. he's never met my friend (due to the distance). my friend is gay and married in case that is relevant! just want to check whether i am being unreasonable.

thanks everyone for your thoughts. i'm gonna have a quick chat with dp shortly to see how he feels about it (was only a dead brief convo when i mentioned it earlier to him)

id go meet my friend for a couple of hours. I dont see why you have to get your partners approval. Its only a few hours

I vote for meeting the friend . It sounds like a massive enough group that they won't even notice! What a lovely chance for you to meet with your friend. I really can't imagine that these people will be upset that one of them has disappeared for what four hours? I hope your DP understands and wishes you well.

Go meet your best friend! It’s a few hours.

I'd go and meet the friend. It seems you accommodate him and socialise with his friends a lot as it is. You should make time for your own friends, especially if it is rare to see them.

Definitely meet your friend. This wouldn't even crossed my radar other than a brief "what a great coincidence, have a lovely time" if I was your dp or any of his friends.

Agree if it was only 2 couples it might be a bit off to go (although not sure I'd be that bothered then either) but in a big group like this it wouldn't even crossed my mind not to go in your shoes!

Hope you go and have a lovely time

go! It’s madness to think anything else. Go and see your friend I can’t see a world where this would ever be a problem. Why would you be pissed off if the roles were reversed and why did DP not seem keen? Do you have kids your leaving him with? Will he just be hanging out with his mates until you get back? Just go honestly!

It is rude for you to skip out on pre arranged plans whether your friend will be nearby or not. You should stick to the commitment you have made. So I would not go but totally understand why you would want to.

These answers are going to vary massively as the amount of co dependency varies between couples. I know people who wouldn't dream of this but DP and I would find it totally acceptable and I'd go and meet my friend. We had a similar situation last weekend when i cancelled plans with dp and his visiting friends to go and see a friend on mine who was here on a last minute visit. It was absolutely fine, we ended up not seeing each other for the whole weekend but have caught up and had some quality time this week instead.. no issue!

I can't understand why you wouldn't go see your friend and why your DH wouldn't be completely fine with it. Clearly there are lots of very different people in the world though!

I would go in your situation and I would be happy for my DP to go, unless it was his first time meeting my friends, which obviously isn’t the case for you.

Yanbu. In my experience of group holidays it works better if people can do their own thing sometimes. Nobody should mind for a few hours. You don't need to spend every minute all together.

If I was staying in someone's house as a guest, I wouldn't

If there were only 3 couples, I wouldn't

If you were only seeing everyone for a day, I wouldn't

If there were specific plans that were the highlight of the weekend that everyone is going to bond over, i wouldn't

But staying in a neutral place with 11 other people for 3 days, and just chilling, then I would. You've got multiple mornings / afternoons / evenings and are one of 11 so will have plenty of time to speak to everyone else. I wouldn't miss seeing my best mate for a couple of hours of watching the boys play cricket or something

When we've had similar weekends then we've naturally ended up splitting up anyway e.g. most people have gone a walk but someone wanted a nap, some have gone sightseeing but someone had a work emergency, some people wanted to go shipping and others couldn't think of anything worse

Spending an afternoon out of a low key group holiday should be absolutely fine.
Not really seeing any issues at all.

If I was one of the friend group I wouldn't be worried if you went because it's nice that your friend is so close and your dp would still be social. Unless either it turned the whole weekend into a big, atmosphere /drama /row between you and your dp or if you don't really engage with the group while you're there.

I think you should go. It's only an afternoon and it's you're best friend who you rarely see. Your dp and rest of group will totally understand unless they are dicks.

I would go meet your friend. So what if you're seeing them in a couple of months, you rarely get a chance to see them normally so it will be nice to get a quick coffee and chat spontaneously like friends normally do with each other.

go see your friend, who knows what can happen between now and November?

Please go and see your friend, without wanting to be morbid no one knows what the future holds... I know you are going to see him in a few months time but what if something awful happend between now and then? You would regret not taking this opportunity to see him.

I was thing more along the lines of pilot strike!!

I would definitely go.
You very rarely get to see your best friend
You’ll only be gone for a few hours
It’s not like you’d be leaving dp on his own
You’re not even leaving an awkward number of people
It sounds like everyone is just relaxing and doing their own thing, cricket etc
It’s not like you’re just dumping them for ‘a better offer’
It’s an unusual circumstance that bf is going to be so near
I would certainly support DH going to meet his bf and I would hope he would support me

So I say go!

Janj sadly I unexpectedly lost a good friend last year so tend to think that way about things

If me and dh were away for a weekend I would be upset if he left for an afternoon. Holidays are time together even as part if a group, I would be hurt if he didnt feel the same. Depends on dynamic of your relationship though as would be reasonable to others I know.

Omg I hope you went.

Please dear God go. An enforced weekend with a bunch of mature students who call it uni (circa home and away 1985 trend) and their wives? What were you thinking in the first place??? That's worse than a Somerset cricket tour (I have said I will go when they can wheel me around in the coffin)