Not marking a friends 40th

[BringBiscuits]

Turned 40 last week. I have a couple of lovely friends who have sent cards and clubbed together for a gift which is lovely. Aibu to have thought friends who live nearby and who I regularly see would have sent a card? I acknowledge their birthdays and give a gift even if just some flowers. Seems my 40th has gone unmarked.

Happy belated birthday!

Yes they should have at least got you a card but maybe you're just more thoughtful and kind than them. Some people are just crap at doing nice things like that, it wouldn't even occur to them to make a nice gesture like you do.

Even one of my sisters hasn’t sent a card.☹️

In this social media times we live in people seem to make less effort with birthdays it's all Facebook messages and likes or photo sharing rather than cards

I don't like it either

Thanks for the replies. I’m just feeling a bit sorry for myself.

You're an adult. Cards are such a waste of money, do you really need multiple people to buy you cards that you'll never look at again?

NoBaggyPants well that's a nice kind reply isn't it .

Op it's crap, esp of your sister

Happy belated birthday!

It’s definitely not the cards but the thought that counts!

It would have been nice for them to be thoughtful. We are taught as children to be thoughtful and it seems some adults missed that childhood lesson!

A phone call would have been nice or a causal get together. I’m sorry, I had the same and it’s hurtful.

Don’t give it any more thought and think of the friends that did for you.

Two of my oldest friends send me cards. The other one never does. None of the friends I’ve made in the last 15 years send cards - we just say happy birthday on Facebook.

I like cards, but I think we need to accept they’re dying out.

Also ... if you send someone something on their birthday, that’s your choice. It doesn’t oblige them to respond. I have one friend who continued to send small gifts to people on birthdays after everyone in our group had pretty much agreed to stop doing presents. I didn’t reciprocate because if I had, she wouldn’t have got the hint that I didn’t really want us to do presents.

It isn't anything to do with how much they like or respect you, they're probably just not bothered about celebrating birthdays.

I'm not excited by birthdays, not my own or anyone else's (other than children's). It's only if an adult has a birthday gathering that I would think to give a present.

Meh. I can’t get excited by birthdays between 21 and 75 years. If I was see someone I might take a card but generally unless I usually bought a present, I wouldn’t do so just for a 40th.

Yabu. Cards are just not that important to some people I'm afraid. Neither giving nor receiving. It doesn't mean they don't like you, or that they're bad people; it simply means cards are just not that important to them. Happy birthday!!

I'm genuinely not fussed by birthday cards. As long as the husband sends one and the children make one, I don't need one from any one else.

I only do cards if someone is having a party or some celebration so I can hand it over then. Apart from my mum and one friend who I do send cards to.

YANBU a card and a bunch of flowers doesn’t break the bank.

My dh’s 2 brothers didn’t give him even a card for his 40th which annoyed him a bit, it annoyed me hugely as we celebrated the their milestone birthday with them and they couldn’t be arsed to even send a card. I got a card and a gift for mine however that’s probably only cause I had a party.

My step father has become so bitter and miserable with age, and giving/receiving cards has definitely become one of his 'things'. It's all so transactional. Has bob given me a card. Yes. Tick. I like Bob. Has Rita given me a card. No. I don't like Rita. Absolutely regardless of the fact that Rita is a far nicer person and does loads to help him. But, no, only cards matter. Rant over.

Ah poor you. I love birthday cards and get a lot of pleasure out of giving and receiving them. I always have to remind myself some people don't think they are important. Hope you have a special time anyway!

If you exchange cards with folk then only natural to expect one on your birthday.
Some post can be delayed or get lost. Then there is the social media thing.
Happy belated birthday

Happy belated birthday! Yanbu to be upset but as pp have said, dont see it as a reflection on you some people just dont do cards. My dh was astounded that my parents dont send me a birthday card, we love each other dearly, just always see them as a bit of a waste of money

I'd expect one from your sister, but not other friends, tbh.

Depends.

When I was 40, it didn't really register with me, I wasn't in a good place, didn't think to let people know etc. Unsurprisingly, no-one saw it as a big deal, and I'd have been mortified if they had.

Whereas at 50, I spent the whole year celebrating, never stopped telling people about my various parties, all year through. No card? Bollocks, not invited to the parties!

Have you been explicit in what you want though? Oh, it's so tempting to say 'they should have cared enough to plan' - but people. Always busy, always meaning to

And remember, this is your excuse for every birthday til the end of time - 'oh, I forgot your wedding anniversary? Wow, you must have been somewhere near as hurt as when you forgot my 40th!'

But if you never said it meant anything to you? Well, a person is only ever responsible for themself, not anyone else.

Last year (tomorrow) I got zero cards, zero notices on Facebook and zero text messages on my birthday. i got one phone call which was a wrong number. How I laughed...

Did you arrange to do anything though? I think if you want a fuss there's a bit of an onus on you to plan something with friends or they might think it's not a big deal to you or realise when it is etc.

I'm at the age now lots of friends are hitting their 40th (I'm next year!) and unless I see the person on their birthday / they have a party or celebration around their birthday, then it's just a message from me!!

Jeez.

I never give nor receive birthday cards.

Lame. I can't be upset over things like this.

Well, I'm in two minds;

1. Yeah I'd probably be a bit hurt too
2. Why are you just sitting back and waiting for people to do something for your birthday? I turned 40 last month and threw a party. The onus was on me to make sure my birthday was marked but everyone who came brought a card. I know not everyone wants to throw a party but I struggle to understand this.

Happy birthday OP x