Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell him no..

31 replies

Unreasonable123 · 24/08/2019 16:56

Partner (kids dad) hasn’t took a single day off in the 6 weeks school holiday. He works FT and I work PT at 2 days a week.

We have 2 kids, 1 has severe SEN.

As I said above he hasn’t took a single day off.

Our daughter had a hospital app on a working day of mine to get a cast off. I asked if he could do it and he said no.

Another day normal childcare fell through and I asked if he could cover it, he said no as he was too busy at work.

I took both days off work and used special leave from my work.

He’s now told me on his next pay day he’s taking the day off and him and a friend are going to go out drinking all day and have a break.

I think he’s taking the piss. Iv said no... AIBU.

He pays most bills if that makes a difference.

OP posts:
Drogosnextwife · 24/08/2019 17:02

No I don't think you are being unreasonable. He can manage a day off for a piss up but not for his children, fuck that!

NoSauce · 24/08/2019 17:03

Yanbu. He sounds like an arse tbh. Will he go anyway?

MeanMrMustardSeed · 24/08/2019 17:05

No way. And him paying most of the bills makes no difference whatsoever.

FizzBuzzBangWoof · 24/08/2019 17:08

YANBU. He is taking the piss

Presumably he has 4/5 weeks annual leave entitlement?

When DC are young and need childcare then it is pretty normal for both parents to use all but the odd day or two of AL during school hols

TriciaH87 · 24/08/2019 17:10

Tell him your taking the day off to change the locks if getting pissed with his mates is more important than taking his child to hospital. You missed 2 days work so as a result of him going to work both days he owes you a day's pay as he should have took one off.

Lulualla · 24/08/2019 17:11

If you didn't work part time then he and you would have to pay more for childcare. It was use up the extra you'd earn plus more from his wage. You working part time allows him to work and gives your family more money overall. If he comes at you about the bills then you be ready to lay that out and don't hold back. You owe him nothing in exchange for him paying the bills; do not allow him to hold it over you.

When do you get a day to spend the day in the pub? Do You get time to yourself?

You both need to sit down and discuss the childcare issues and the emergency childcare issue. At the moment, I don't think he sees the children as his responsibility at all. If that doesn't change then you've got a lot of problems because it shows that he doesn't respect you at all.

Shoxfordian · 24/08/2019 17:12

Can you even say no? He's an adult

He's an inconsiderate selfish man though.

Original poster
Unreasonable123 · 24/08/2019 17:13

He’s self employed and gets given work everyday from a company he works permantly for.

He knows which sites he has to go to every day and goes to the same one every Monday, Tuesday and so on.

So he doesn’t have any entitlement as such but he’s allowed to book up to 4 weeks off a year.

Iv told him no and said why. He just looked a bit sheepish and then I left the room to make a cup of tea and Iv gone upstairs as he’s annoyed me.

OP posts:
PlinketyPlinketyPlonk · 24/08/2019 17:14

He’s now told me on his next pay day he’s taking the day off and him and a friend are going to go out drinking all day and have a break.

He can't take time off for urgent childcare of his own kids, but can do so for drinking sesh with a mate?!

I'd be well & truly effed off

Original poster
Unreasonable123 · 24/08/2019 17:16

I do normally get time to myself in the day when the kids are in school 3 days a week although that is sometimes filled with housework, shopping, appointments for our child with Sen. I do also meet friends for coffees and a catch up.

I also go out one evening a week and he normally does as well so I do get me time.

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 24/08/2019 17:16

I’m glad you’ve said no!

He is taking the piss!

Fair enough he’s working as many hours as he can, but things like hospital appointments are important and the fact he would rather work and leave you in the shit is saying loudly, his time is much more important.

Original poster
Unreasonable123 · 24/08/2019 17:18

He defiantly thinks his work is more important and it is in the sense that he earns more then me but he could of took the day off for our daughters hospital appointment if he really wanted to!

OP posts:
Original poster
Unreasonable123 · 24/08/2019 17:19

He may be an adult but I can defiantly say no! When I think he’s taking the piss..

OP posts:
MoaningMinnie1 · 24/08/2019 17:29

You're not unreasonable but should say "He hasn't taken...", and not, "He hasn't took...".

Original poster
Unreasonable123 · 24/08/2019 17:29

We have been together nearly 11.5 years also so it’s not a new relationship of anything like that. Kids are 8&6.

OP posts:
Sux2buthen · 24/08/2019 17:34

@MoaningMinnie1 I doubt the op gives a shit about what a stranger thinks of her grammar. Correcting people is tacky anyway, never mind when they are stressed.

multiplemum3 · 24/08/2019 17:37

Your username suits MoaningMinnie.

WorraLiberty · 24/08/2019 17:43

Right but the thing is he didn't ask. He told you he's taking the day off.

And you've told him no.

So what happens now?

MoaningMinnie, why are you being an arse? I haven't seen the OP asking for advice on grammar?

Tooner · 24/08/2019 17:45

Moaning Minnie....nobody cares

OP. Its good you told him no and that he hasn't argued the toss about it to you....yet. I can't believe he wouldn't take a day off to take the child to hospital and hasn't took any days off during the long summer holidays.

He's a bit of a shit really and totally selfish.

WorraLiberty · 24/08/2019 17:46

Just to clarify, OP.

Our daughter had a hospital app on a working day of mine to get a cast off. I asked if he could do it and he said no.

Did he mean he couldn't do it or he wouldn't do it?

HeffaLump1 · 24/08/2019 17:47

YANBU. But do partners actually TELL each other they cant do something? What was his response?

Yabbers · 24/08/2019 18:26

But do partners actually TELL each other they cant do something?

If OH refused to do childcare on my working days but said he was taking a day off for a piss up, I’d tell him he can’t live here anymore.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 24/08/2019 18:29

He’ll get 5 family days by law. He can use these for things like kids hospital appointments etc

He’s definitely taking the piss and good on you for saying no.

EL8888 · 24/08/2019 18:32

He’s a piss taker and a shit dad. Him paying the bills has nothing to do with, that’s something separate

EverTheConundrum · 24/08/2019 20:46

LTB