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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed about holiday?

40 replies

Bloggersdone · 24/08/2019 13:04

When my sister and I were kids we would holiday in a place that's amazing for children. My aunt and her family would join us there. She now lives about 3 hours away from this place, and we have visited her at this new area twice as adults. It is nice, but we always end up having to do what aunt wants rather than being able to relax.

My brother is about to have his his first (or at least his wife is) and we were keen on taking the baby to the place we enjoyed as kids. We invited aunt, who is now furious that we are travelling to this part of the world but not specifically to her own. She wants us to travel to her after a week at our main destination. Her house will not be big enough to fit us all, and if we're renting a villa for us all we'd rather do it somewhere we'd rather be. She refuses to travel to stay with us in a villa.

Are WBU to think we should be able to enjoy a holiday without having to organise it around what she wants us to do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bloggersdone · 24/08/2019 13:05

My sister, brother and I, the first line should read.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bloggersdone · 24/08/2019 13:06

And my brother is about to have his first baby. Should've proof read that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bloggersdone · 24/08/2019 13:07

Not specifically to her own town. The heat must be getting to me.

OP posts:
Gottoloveabagel · 24/08/2019 13:07

Leave aunt out, you've invited her it's her choice and enjoy your time away!

Hellywelly10 · 24/08/2019 13:07

Can you visit her for the day?

Quaffy · 24/08/2019 13:08

How far away is it? I agree with you in principle but if she lives in somewhere like australia and you went all that way but not to see her I would see she might find it odd. Though no reason she couldn’t come to your villa anyway I suppose, so YANBU

bluebeck · 24/08/2019 13:10

It's three bloody hours away!!

YANBU. You have invited her. Let her stew.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 24/08/2019 13:11

You were really nice to invite her tbh. Don't change your plans for her.

GiveMeHope103 · 24/08/2019 13:12

You are all adults, why is her getting furious any bother to you all. Let her get furious then. You arent kids anymore.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 24/08/2019 13:13

Yanbu.

You’ve invited her, which is very kind in the first place. Stay firm.

Original poster
Bloggersdone · 24/08/2019 13:16

Can you visit her for the day?

No, it's too far, it's 3 hours away and we're not hiring a car.

Quaffy, it is another continent.

You are all adults, why is her getting furious any bother to you all

We are close and I don't particularly like falling out with family.

OP posts:
Guiltypleasures001 · 24/08/2019 13:21

She doesn't mind falling out with you though op does she?

Pipandmum · 24/08/2019 13:21

You have stayed with her in the past and it doesn’t even seem practical now. She knows this place has special meaning for your family and she is being unreasonable. You have invited her. I don’t think there’s anything more you need do.

Dutch1e · 24/08/2019 13:23

I get annoyed when people expect you to not only travel internationally but then to also travel within the destination country to see everybody. It doesn't make any sense and it's exhausting for the long-haul group.

You've let her know where you'll be. Now it's up to her to accept the invitation or not.

Original poster
Bloggersdone · 24/08/2019 13:24

She doesn't mind falling out with you though op does she?

She just kept saying how upset she was. I'm trying to think about if it was her visiting the UK and she didn't come to see us. I did think I would be upset, but then if the proposal was, say, that she wanted to show her husband the Lake District so why didn't we all hire a cottage there for a week, I'd be very happy to do so.

OP posts:
Guiltypleasures001 · 24/08/2019 13:30

As you already know lovely your a grownup now, she doesn't get to dictate to you anymore, you are dealing with her as if your still that child, it's a hard act to break.

It's boundary nod and smile time, well aunt your always welcome at ours, we have our own plans.

rhubarbandwine56 · 24/08/2019 13:31

When did she start having so much control over your holiday plans? It seems unhealthy. I stayed with a friend like this recently and she was very controlling about where we should go, what we should see on holiday, what we should eat etc. I was completely stifled by her. I would put some distance between you.

GiveMeHope103 · 24/08/2019 13:31

But you all need to realise that things change. You are all grown up now, married with partners and children on the way. This idyllic childhood tradition has to come to an end / change at some point and someone will be upset. But that's just life.

LightDrizzle · 24/08/2019 13:32

This is probably superfluous, so apologies in advance, but are you really sure the imminent baby’s new mother is as keen on this idea as you are? Did it come from her?
I’m sure you won’t want to perpetuate your aunt’s modus operandi as an aunt yourself.
If it’s her first, she may decide she doesn’t want to venture further than her own sofa for a few weeks, - or then she may be made of sterner stuff like all the Mumsnet posters who “popped” in to Tesco on the way home from delivering and cooked and hosted for 11 the same night.
I’d keep arrangements flexible, unless you are talking months in the future.

Aunt is being ridiculous.

Toneitdown · 24/08/2019 13:36

She's being a bit silly.

Continue with your plans, tell her you'd all love to see her and invite her to your Villa, dinner in the city you are staying in or whatever. If she doesn't want to come then that's her problem.

Quaffy · 24/08/2019 13:37

I have family abroad too and agree OP - had you not included her in your plans at all she could be upset but she has been invited and is being petty

rookiemere · 24/08/2019 13:38

YANBU people can't always expect others to use their holidays to visit them.

Toneitdown · 24/08/2019 13:39

Btw I say that as someone who moved to another continent from my family. If they came to the capital city here but didn't want to make the extra journey to me then I would take the 5 hour flight to go and see them and book a hotel. I would expect them to do the same for me if I went back to the UK. Your Aunt needs to pull her head out of her bum.

Juells · 24/08/2019 13:40

"It would have been lovely to have you join us on our holiday. So sad it didn't work out. Love, Bloggers"

KUGA · 24/08/2019 13:43

Don`t change your plans.
If you do you will be doing the same forever and a day.