To be annoyed about holiday?

[Bloggersdone]

When my sister and I were kids we would holiday in a place that's amazing for children. My aunt and her family would join us there. She now lives about 3 hours away from this place, and we have visited her at this new area twice as adults. It is nice, but we always end up having to do what aunt wants rather than being able to relax.

My brother is about to have his his first (or at least his wife is) and we were keen on taking the baby to the place we enjoyed as kids. We invited aunt, who is now furious that we are travelling to this part of the world but not specifically to her own. She wants us to travel to her after a week at our main destination. Her house will not be big enough to fit us all, and if we're renting a villa for us all we'd rather do it somewhere we'd rather be. She refuses to travel to stay with us in a villa.

Are WBU to think we should be able to enjoy a holiday without having to organise it around what she wants us to do?

Also I have said to my US and NZ relatives that if they are coming to Europe not to feel they have to come to visit us as they've been before as we're happy to travel and see them

When did she start having so much control over your holiday plans?

She doesn't over other holidays. This is because we're travelling to the state she lives in.

This idyllic childhood tradition has to come to an end / change at some point and someone will be upset.

We haven't been in over twenty five years since we were small children, when we went twice, 5 years apart. I wouldn't call it a tradition. We were only lucky enough to go as children because this aunt paid a substantial part of it for our parents.

are you really sure the imminent baby’s new mother is as keen on this idea as you are? Did it come from her?

100% sure. She has been to this place before too and similarly loved it. DB and SIL asked us if we fancied it, and she has asked her mother too. She is due soon and we are talking about next year, not when the baby is newborn.

your doing nothing wrong op.i know its not nice to upset family.that means your a really nice person.but keep your plans.

Also I have said to my US and NZ relatives that if they are coming to Europe not to feel they have to come to visit us as they've been before as we're happy to travel and see them

I would feel the same. I don't know if it's because she likes to show us off to her friends or something. There is quite literally not enough room for us all at her house anyway.

The problems arise when you allow any discussion of your plans. You really need to use the broken record technique, otherwise she'll think it's a negotiation.

YANBU.

You chose to go to your particular holiday destination, you have invited her to join you.

Madness to take a baby 3 hours return to visit her when she can visit you, and come to a place you know she likes.

If she says she is upset, just say “no need for upset, we’ll be so happy to see you in xxx , like we did when we were kids! “ and change the subject

“SIL very keen to go there with her Mum, come down and meet them! Obviously once we’ve done the big journey with the baby and will have to travel home again we’d prefer not to do more long journeys. We’d love to see you, come on down!”

And repeat.

You can’t stop some people upsetting themselves: it isn’t you who has done it.

The problems arise when you allow any discussion of your plans. You really need to use the broken record technique, otherwise she'll think it's a negotiation.

She automatically assumed we'd go to her town after the kids' place and was fine then, the when we corrected her that's when she became upset. She lives on a beach and we do intend to go to a beach for a few days after the kids' place, so I suppose it could look arsey that we're not going to hers, but her house literally isn't big enough and we'd end up having to do what she wants by her schedule instead of being able to just relax and read and barbecue or whatever. She's refusing to pay to rent somewhere on a beach when she lives on one, which is fair enough, but she's also annoyed that we are going to do that. She'll basically be annoyed unless we agree to going to where she lives for a week.

Does she need to pay though? Or will you have a villa big enough for all of you?

If you are close it would be weird to travel so far and not visit her but she should be able to see that it's much easier for her to travel to you

If she came we'd need a bigger villa so it would be more expensive. My parents have said they'd pay her share though.

Your parents as well? Sounds like a huge trip. She needs to just come to you!

Oh yes, my parents too. There are 9 adults and the baby going. I honestly don't know where she thinks we'd all sleep even if we did go to her.

Get a new Aunt.

Get a new Aunt.

She's actually brilliant company and we get on very well, and we're very close, and I would be really disappointed not to see her if we go over, but I just think it's unreasonable to expect us to always go to her town.

Yes she's unreasonable - just keep repeating the size of your group makes it impossible to stay with her but she is very welcome to visit you at your rented villa. Say it again & again if necessary.

This issue is for her sibling ( your parent) to deal with then. Is your aunt frail, elderly has mental health problems? Ie anything that makes it difficult to travel?