Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to feel relieved my son is moving out

31 replies

flowerbox · 24/08/2019 12:34

My son and his pregnant partner are living at mine but are moving to there own flat in a couple of days. In the last couple of weeks I feel I have been totally walked over. My son has been rude to me, she sometimes ignores me and gets stressy. They both are not tidying up after themselves anymore. When I ask them to do something I am nagging and upsetting them. I have helped them out financially to help them get the flat. I feel totally deflated and feel guilty that I am relieved they are going, although I will miss them. Is it normal to feel like this.

OP posts:
Toneitdown · 24/08/2019 12:36

Buy a bottle of your favourite booze and have a little celebration when they've handed the keys back and gone.

Don't feel guilty, it sounds like you've gone above and beyond to help them and they've been very rude and entitled.

BooksAreMyOnlyFriends · 24/08/2019 12:40

Do not feel guilty. Your son has his own life to lead now and is going to be a dad - time to grow up and be responsible.

How old is he?

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/08/2019 12:42

Don’t feel guilty and don’t let them move back.

ClemDanFango · 24/08/2019 12:43

He sounds like total nob. How bloody you ungrateful. YANBU.

ClemDanFango · 24/08/2019 12:43

Not you obviously 🙄

HouseworkAvoider10 · 24/08/2019 12:43

They sound horrible and desperately ungrateful.
But - they'll be in for a shock once the baby arrives.
At that point then, I wouldn't bother giving them any help and if they ask why, tell them.
Your DS and the girlfriend are twats.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 24/08/2019 12:46

They sound like a pair of spoilt brats. Do they work? Will they be expecting you to look after this baby?

ReasonedCamper · 24/08/2019 12:46

You’re not stopping being his Mum, you’ll still see him!

They don’t have to live in your house for you to be a loving Mum, proud Gran, supportive MIL and close family. All that will be better without domestic day to day irritation.

There is a reason that adult children leave the nest and make their own home!

ReasonedCamper · 24/08/2019 12:48

It sounds as if you were all getting cabin fever.
They did behave like brats, but they will miss you and hopefully a more respectful relationship will re-establish when you are not under each other’s feet.

sheshootssheimplores · 24/08/2019 12:50

I hope you haven’t acted as guarantor OP 😬

PlinketyPlinketyPlonk · 24/08/2019 12:56

Why feel guilty? They'll realise one day, when their own offspring is all grown up and treating them in the same way, what a saint you were for putting up with them.

My DP and I lived with his parents for a few months when I was pregnant with our first, to give us time to look for somewhere decent to live and pay off some debts before the baby arrived.

It was hard, and we all trod on each others toes at some point or other. But we were never anything but utterly grateful and thankful, and always tidy, clean and respectful no matter how hard things got. Because we were in their home.

We were relieved to move out and I've no doubt they were relieved to get rid of us too. But I don't think they should have felt guilty for that, and neither should you.

Get your home and personal spaces back to how you like them and enjoy it. And crack open the wine! I know my PIL went out for a slap up meal and drinks they day we moved out Grin

We're all still very close and love each other dearly, but living with each other is tough!

Mrsjayy · 24/08/2019 12:59

He sounds a bit of a brat but living with adult dc is hard I love my dd but was so relieved when she got her own place just countdown to them leaving and let them crack on living how they want.

HollowTalk · 24/08/2019 13:01

Remember this if they ever ask you if they can move back in.

It's stressful moving out, but you are making it easier by funding it. They should appreciate it.

I hope you enjoy the peace and quiet afterwards!

Tonnerre · 24/08/2019 13:14

Goodness, in your shoes I'd be crossing off the hours till they get out. Your feelings are 100% normal.

EL8888 · 24/08/2019 13:18

Not unreasonable at all. They sounded like a pain to live with. People should stand on their own 2 feet

Juells · 24/08/2019 13:27

Buy a bottle of your favourite booze and have a little celebration when they've handed the keys back and gone.

^^ this, and make sure you get the keys back. Sounds like they'll feel comfortable about wandering in and out when it suits them, if they still have keys.

KUGA · 24/08/2019 13:37

You have gone over and above the call of duty.
Be glad to see the back of them.
Sound like users too.
I hope you haven't stood as guarantor.as you can bet your bottom dollar you will be splashing out for them.

Beesandcheese · 24/08/2019 13:41

Kick back and enjoy your own space. Don't feel at all guilty. You've done a wonderful thing to get them started. Wave rhem off with no qualms and remember this feeling if they need to move back in or stay at Christmas etc Confused.

barryfromclareisfit · 24/08/2019 13:47

Nature makes them offensive so we can beat to part with them. It’s fine. They’ll be adorable when they’re settled in their own place. And you, your life is just about to begin.

barryfromclareisfit · 24/08/2019 13:48

Beat? Bear.

DramaAlpaca · 24/08/2019 13:50

What barry just said. I couldn't wait to get rid of my two eldest, much as I love them. We have a fantastic relationship now we don't share a house.

Socksontheradiator · 24/08/2019 13:53

Completely understand how you feel, OP. I have 4 adult kids and felt similarly about them leaving.
Relax, and know that they are much easier to love when they are in their own place.
It all sounds pretty normal to me - the way they are behaving and the way you feel.
Enjoy your own space, and try not to feel guilty Flowers

SavingSpaces2019 · 24/08/2019 14:15

Remember this attitude and behaviour of theirs when they start sweet-talking you into doing unpaid/childcare.

regmover · 24/08/2019 14:29

You know the bedroom they use? Turn it into something else. A craft room, your own snug, anything that isn't a bedroom. Then if at some point in the future one or both of them want to move back you can tell them that you don't have the space.
And, as above, don't end up being abused again as an unpaid childminder in the future.

DimplesToadfoot · 24/08/2019 14:46

I was in this same situation 2 years ago! I could have run down the street naked when they moved out. Enjoy the moment ... its flippin great :-)