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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I don’t like my present can I swap it- kids picked it

64 replies

NotSureAtAllReally · 24/08/2019 07:03

I’ve had a charm bracelet for years which I’ve always said I will give to my dd when she’s older. Dh and kids have brought me a new charm bracelet and 3 charms one is a ‘mom’ charm. My dcs have picked out things they thought I would like - but they aren’t what I would ever choose to wear.
Do I suck it up and wear it or tell the truth and swap for something else?!

OP posts:

Cassilis · 24/08/2019 07:55

Why are people forcing OP to wear this? If the DC bought something for their dad to wear like a medallion chain would people be telling of course he has to wear it?

OP, they’ll forget about it in a few days, then you can exchange it.

sugarplumfairy28 · 24/08/2019 08:11

I'm quite fussy about gift giving, I do think it should be the thought that counts, going out thinking about that person, thinking of something they would like that you can give to make them happy. With adults and people within my close circle it annoys me no end when they just want me to point something out in a window or give them a list, whats the point!

With my children though I am grateful for any gift they pick out, if I had a charm bracelet and they got charms, regardless of which ones, I would be pleased. Recently I've found a brand of perfume I like, I don't buy it regularly and it is a treat, my DC got me this brand of perfume for my birthday, its a horrible one, but the thought is there and that's good enough. I knew from the packaging it was one I didn't like but it never occurred to me to return it.

AppleKatie · 24/08/2019 08:14

Make it into a decoration for a picture frame- and put a lovely family picture in it too. Then display it somewhere in the house.

You have to cherish it if they put thought in it. You absolutely don’t have to wear it!

Newtothis2017 · 24/08/2019 08:19

Definitely ok to change it. Just say it is too small and pick something you like instead. They wont remember or care in the future about it.

Lowlandlucky · 24/08/2019 08:27

I have a necklace my DS gave me 15 years ago, i cant stand it, he was so proud that he had chosen and paid for it by himself that i just couldnt do anything else but wear it for the whole day. I still wear it now and then whe he comes to visit. I still think it is a monstosity

Aderyn19 · 24/08/2019 08:27

I'd never return a gift my children had bought for me, however old they were. Why would you hurt their feelings like that? You don't have to wear it everyday.

PurpleFlower1983 · 24/08/2019 08:37

Wear it!

VeThings · 24/08/2019 08:41

Your DH let them pick Toy Story charms? Did he really think a grown woman would want to wear them?

Can you buy a bracelet, necklace or key ring for the DC to put the charms on and keep until they’re old enough to wear/use? You’d be very generous to ‘share’ with them this way.

And tell DH to think about what you’d like in future and steer the DC that way. They need to learn gift giving is about giving the recipient what they like, not what the gift giver likes.

Di1979 · 24/08/2019 08:47

It wouldn't even occur to me to swap it...

Fairylea · 24/08/2019 08:50

You have to keep it and wear it sometimes. My mum died in March and when I went through her jewellery I found all the little bits and bobs I’d brought her over the years including a necklace I’d got her when I was 8 with my pocket money because it looked like a Blue Peter badge and she said she’d never had one. (It was hideous to be fair!) These things mean a lot when you’re little. And when you’re older.

HolyMilkBoobiesBatman · 24/08/2019 08:53

Your DH let them pick Toy Story charms? Did he really think a grown woman would want to wear them?
My MIL would happily buy them for herself but that’s another thread entirely

OP I think you need to keep them, it’s tricky because it sounds like your DC aren’t quite old enough to ‘get’ that they need to think about the person they are buying for not just getting things they like.
If it were me I’d put the Mum charm on my bracelet and perhaps fashion the others into something else like a PP suggested. Perhaps a Keyring? Then you’ll always have them with you to show DC you appreciate the thought but they’ll be mostly in a handbag or pocket so not seen as much?

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 24/08/2019 09:03

Could have been worse and you ended up with a Pandora bracelet . Keep it, wear it for one day and then tell the dc you are putting it somewhere safe as you don’t want to lose it. In 15 year time you will find it tucked away in the back of a draw and it will bring back happy childhood memories.

FenellaVelour · 24/08/2019 09:06

Keep it.

Just remember this when you’re out shopping with the children for their Dad’s birthday present...

katewhinesalot · 24/08/2019 09:08

I wouldn't wear something I didn't like. The whole bracelet would probably get worn less and less.

springydaff · 24/08/2019 09:21

OP, they’ll forget about it in a few days, then you can exchange it.

They so will NOT forget it in a few days.

Just wear the precious thing.

QueenofallIsee · 24/08/2019 09:33

I off loaded a hideous Pandora bracelet and charms a few years after they were given to me - none of the kids ever noticed. I keep drawings and the oddball holiday souvenirs and birthday gifts they actually chose (small glass teddy ornament with emerald crystal eyes anyone?) but I won’t be wearing something I hate. Their Dad picked it (and I’d say this is true in the op case too as she already has a charm bracelet) as he is spectacularly unoriginal and the kids pointing at a charm one time in a shop didn’t stay with them as a special moment in our case I assure you.

CalmdownJanet · 24/08/2019 09:49

Toy story charms? Now that is super shit, the mom one is bad but toy story, I'd actually be pissed off with my husband, what a waste, why didn't he stop them? I think i'd return them actually, I definitely wouldn't wear them, i'd wear the mom one even though i'd hate it but i'd draw the line at toy story

nowayhose · 24/08/2019 09:56

YABU

Your DC chose your gift with thoughtfulness and love.

They do not deserve to be told that you do not like it. For a child, that would be seen as a rejection of them.

In time you will love this gift, as it will indeed reflect your DC's personality, and also their love for you.

My DC (now grown) have told me that it meant the world to them that every year I faithfully decorated our Xmas tree with every ornament and decorative thing they had made for me throughout their childhood.(and some of them are totally unrecognisable, but I've written what they were on the bottom :) ) Both my DC have told me how much it means to them that I love the items, because they were made with clumsy fingers, but truly made from love.

Your DC have given you the gift of love, please don't reject their gift.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 24/08/2019 10:04

I would ask them why they chose the charms, you might find they have reasons. Is Toy Story the first film they've gone to see at the cinema with you? Are you a massive Pixar fan? I don't understand the PP comment about why would a grown woman want Toy Story charms. Plenty of adults have movie related merchandise. Someone is buying all the Harry Potter and Disney pyjamas in Primark!

Gilead · 24/08/2019 10:05

Nothing I ever got my mother was good enough. She changed everything. I have had jewellery thrown at me, on her birthday and been ordered to go out and get something else. On her birthday.
I'm sixty. I've never forgotten.
I treasure everything my children give me. It's always given with love and that's the most important thing.

Jamhandprints · 24/08/2019 10:11

A charm bracelet is supposed to be about the story behind each charm, not just all chosen by you because they're pretty. Obviously return the too small bracelet, but add the others to your existing one...or as PP suggested tie them onto a bit of thread and use as a key ring.
Why would anyone think their children's feelings are less important than getting a good present?

Rainbowknickers · 24/08/2019 10:17

Please don’t
As an adult I didn’t put any thought into anything for my mother as every time I bought her anything as a child she’s sneer,loudly say that it was awful
Then it would never go on display/worn etc
And then in the next charity shop drop she’d do my present would be on top of the box/bag
(I once kicked off at her for only wearing a brooch my brother bought her so she wore mine for 5 minutes ‘to keep me happy’)
It crushes you and to this day I’m convinced that people are faking their pleasure at anything I buy them
It’s all bought with love for you

Foslady · 24/08/2019 10:19

They are the only people on this planet that can call you mom and you don’t want to put a small charm on your bracelet saying that?
And I think it’s quite sad that you’d rather have a stylish bracelet than one with charms that they thought you’d love on it.
But then again I’m a sentimental old sod!

Proseccoinamug · 24/08/2019 10:19

They will never forget it if you return what they chose for you. Definitely not worth breaking their hearts! Try to see the charms as precious because they were chosen with love, rather than because they’re tasteful!

Jamhandprints · 24/08/2019 14:57

@Rainbowknickers, so sad! Your mum didn't know what treasures she was throwing away. I'm the first person to whip stuff off to charity but not things my kids have chosen with love.
I'm sure you are great at gift giving and your mum's reaction was not normal even if it wasn't to her taste. Most people would appreciate the love and thought (and probably the present).

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