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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP doesn’t want a second child.?

58 replies

Imjustsolost · 24/08/2019 00:46

Hi.

Just wondering if anyone else has had this experience where the other half said they didn’t want anymore (have one DC together) and have they ever changed their mind further down the line? (Both are in late 20’s / early 30’s) Tia

OP posts:

Teacakeandalatte · 25/08/2019 10:48

I agree she isn't in the position to have another baby right away, but maybe now is the time to think about it. If the dp is adamant against having more dc in future, but OP wants them unless circumstances are very much against it then this relationship may not work out well long term. Right now her dc is used to living separately but if they lived together for a few years it would be much more upsetting for them if the family split up again.

GiveMeHope103 · 25/08/2019 11:23

He may change his mind later on op. But dont hold on to that as he might not either. I would sort the living situation first before even having a conversation about another child. For now he gets the best of both worlds. Showing his face for 3 nights a week and then going back to his own space at mum and dads where he can do whatever he wants.

SleepingStandingUp · 25/08/2019 11:30

Did you live together before you split up OP or has he never lived with you both?

Given your ages you were both adults when DS was born, him not living with you for that time would set off enough bells for me to really have to consider if another baby with him is a good idea.

Certainly I'd drop the conversation for now, give it 12 months of cohabiting and then see where your relationship is.

Ayemama · 25/08/2019 11:57

I don't think the age gap will be an issue.
There's 7 years between my eldest DSS and my DD and 9years between him and my DS and they do get on very well.
There are two parents so can easily split up and do different things for a morning and then something together at night or do a big family day that can entertain everyone, it's not that difficult.
I think given your situation there are a few other reasons for not rushing to get pregnant right now but age difference doesn't have to be one of them.
If you really do want another baby and he doesn't maybe you should have a good think about your relationship?

whattodowith · 25/08/2019 12:04

This is extremely unconventional. I can’t believe you have lasted seven years without living together. It sounds like he’s got off easy tbh considering the fact you didn’t live together throughout the baby years so he didn’t have to bother with the sleepless nights and such. It sounds like you live separate lives, I’m not even sure why you’re still together and you’re really not in the position to have another child.

Living together transforms the dynamics of a relationship. If you’re buying a home together, I’d do that and live together for two years at least before you consider a second (that’s if he changes his mind which he may).

Original poster

Imjustsolost · 25/08/2019 13:40

Thanks for your replies.

I do understand that and that’s what I’m hoping to do.

No where in my replies did I say I want one right now or next year.. I have always said a few years!!

I was just wondering about people changing there minds etc. and also the age gap but saying that I know a few who have 9-10 year age gaps and are ok.

I know he really would like a sibling as he’s very affectionate to other babies and children and sharing! And he’d never be left out either which he knows. He likes to be around other people and not on his own.

OP posts:

SleepingStandingUp · 25/08/2019 13:59

I don't think either of you are in a position to make any decisions on babies when you've never lived together.

He may change his mind once you're actually living as a family unit, or it may be the idea of being around for all the sleepless ngghts etc thats putting him off.

Ilikethisone · 25/08/2019 14:41

In a few years your son may not care.

When he starts secondary school and goes out more with friends, he probably wont be that fussed about wether he has a sibling or not. If you have a baby, it's not for your ds. It's a person in it's own right and not there to provide entertainment for him. And at 9/10/11 a Baby and toddler wont be that entertaining for him.

Honestly op, I dont know why this converstation is even happening.

In over 7 years you havent managed to sort yourselves out to even live together, you recently split and back together, though in counselling.

I am confused about why you would even expect a firm answer on more kids at such a fragile state of the relationship.

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