To think that this mother not doing her daughter any favours

[SirGawain]

At a country park the other day and witnessed a three or four year old having a mild strop which would be easily defused by ignoring or distraction. But no! The mother threatened to call a policeman.
It seems to me that this is wrong on two levels; firstly it is an empty threat which she cannot carry out. Secondly it instils the idea that the police are to be feared rather than being there to protect people.

I would love to be a policewoman and intervene at this point saying ‘oh ok I’ll take him/her’ to see what the mum in question made of it. Unfortunately I’m not and so that would be abduction...
One of my friends used to threaten to take her DD to the orphanage

coconuttelegraph

Nope. I’ve also never threatened my daughter with it. But I’m not deluded enough to believe someone who is is a bad parent

^and impersonating a police officer too

lolaSmiles has explained very clearly the point Im making. I'd be interested to hear someone who considers themselves a good parent justify this type of threat.

My dd was telling me that one of her friends was going to a new house.
I saw her mother one day and asked her if she was moving. She was a bit confused and said no so I just replied with sorry but that’s what your dd has been saying.
She laughed and said ‘oh that! It’s just that when she doesn’t behave, I tell her I’m going to send her to a different house’

I know good parents who use this threat. Works a treat in the car when they're messing around with their seatbelts. They're great parents with lovely children who like any 3 and 5 year old can play up and test your patience. They're certainly not traumatised by it 🙄 and it's never crossed my mind to judge them on their parenting style --(because I'm not judgy busybody)

That's not the same though is it? Not wearing your seatbelt is a crime that could rightly be dealt with by the police, a tantrum in a public place isnt

"This is a generalisation I know but the type of parent who says that ime is not at the end of their tether, they are usually just not good at parenting"

Some people aren't very good at some aspects of Parenting. There used to be Parenting classes in all Children's Centers, but they no longer exist.

So those that struggle muddle along and Parent as they were.

I'm in my 50's, from the North West and these were standard threats (if your Parents were part of the few that didn't smack in public). I've probably used similar to my DCs (1980/90's) until I knew better.

But I've made other mistakes, as we all have.

One of my Granddaughters won't be distracted or ignored, so don't assume that you know how to handle someone else's child.

@Joxer That's horrific

I also hate it when they threaten their children with teachers...for fucking every thing. Even worse when they follow through and they present the teacher/TA with a litany of complaints,in front of said child. What do they expect us to do?

I have been asked to to this, in uniform…. I have told both child and parent that no, in fact I won’t punish their child and that the parents wasn’t right for saying so! Put the parent right off me🤣

I told both that I want to the child to like me so if something is ever wrong they can come to any police officer and tell them they need help.

Probably a mum at the end of her rope? Not the best thing to say but we’ve all said things in hindsight that weren’t the best idea.

I'm amazed that actual police officers are sometimes asked to get involved with this

I was at the dentists. A little boy was playing around, not being too naughty in my opinion and I'm a grumpy old lady lol! Anyway, his mum said to him " if you don't stop it I'll tell the dentist to pull all your teeth out "
I was gobsmacked!

Continentalmama
Are you saying that expecting children to follow the law is the same as a fairly standard strop?

"You've got to wear your seatbelt because it's the law and the police say we have to" is not the same as "you're having perfectly typical childhood strop so the police will come and take you/tell you off".

One is telling the child that they have to follow the law. The other is ridiculous.

nilcarborundum
That's awful. My friends are doctors and have heard the needle threat (eg if you don't stop running in the waiting room the Dr will give you a big needle).
Some people are just lazy (or unwilling to be the responsible adult who says no) so find it easier to make up another adult who'll be the bad guy rather than step up.

They're also the ones who'll not back school beyond a superficial "yeh I'll have a word..but what can you do???" Then they sit in front of me at parents' evening when I tell them how lovely their child is after a bit of a rough start with attitude and joke about how "you've got the wrong kid... My DC never stops arguing... My DC wouldn't know hard work if it hit them in the face..." I sit there thinking no thanks to you doing almost nothing to support us and now you put your kid down when they're showing their best side, too much like hard work to put some effort in eh

These empty threats also transcend cultures. I used to hear my Asian aunts say a similar thing ‘a child snatcher will come and take you away if you carry on screaming like that.’ They’d even take it a step further and say ‘shh he might be listening at the door right now’. Terrifying but worked, unsurprisingly.

Oh so judgemental
I've said the most stupidest things to my kids when I'm at the end of tether

Usually I would agree with you on things like this, but I've been having a shit time recently mental health wise and I've snapped at my kids for silly things I would usually tolerate.
She was probably just at the end of her tether and used the 1st thing she could think of.

The thing is most of the time,with people I'm familiar with instead of randoms at park, it wasn't end of tether/1st thing that comes to mind.

Don't want to eat your veg? We'll call the police.
Don't wanna brush your teeth? We'll tell the policeman.
Whinging for various reasons? We'll tell Miss Jones.

And so on, the amount of times I've heard a parent threaten the police to their toddler/preschooler for the most trivial reasons is ridiculous.

And it's the go to method rather than an exasperated one off.

You've got to wear your seatbelt because it's the law and the police say we have to" is not the same as "you're having perfectly typical childhood strop so the police will come and take you/tell you off".

Actually, under U.K. law a parent/ Guardian is responsible for making sure a child is fully restraint whist in a vehicle until age 14, therefore the police cannot punish anyone under that age from wearing the correct restraint. Obviously you should always make your child wear a seatbelt, just pointing out that the police cannot tell off three-year-old you’re not wearing a seatbelt.

A mum I know quite well from school pickup (the oldest of her three kids is at the school) has all her kids convinced that the principal is watching for bad behaviour at home. He has cameras up in every room (the home security system & smoke alarms) and when the little red lights are on it means he’s watching closely.

He’s the kind of principal who walks around at pickup talking to parents and kids, so these kids know they’ll be seeing him most days. She has some pretty ‘out there’ parenting practices, but this one had me openly gobsmacked!

Side note: I’ve always encouraged my DD to think of police people as helpful, and a type of protection our family should be grateful for. Off her own bat, she’s always gone up to them and thanked them ‘for looking after us’ with a big smile. From a very young age. I can tell some of them are really touched by it. I guess it’s not the style of feedback they usually get.

Any parenting strategy that relies on lying, or outsourcing ‘the power’ to someone/something else is bound to fail. Like telling your dog that you’re not the pack leader, but you know one elsewhere? Very short term thinking. Claim the throne, and only threaten solid natural consequences, I say.

Well yeah you’re right of course but I once threatened to put my 5 year old through a Christmas tree netter of she didn’t stop pissing about on a very fraught Christmas shopping trip. Everybody knew I wouldn’t (or would I...) and she’s not been scared of Christmas tree netters since. She did get the impression that I was reaching the end of my tether though and stopped screaming When Santa Got Stuck Up the Chimney at the top of her voice.

In summary, if that’s the best thing the mother could grab at as a last ditch attempt to calm things down then......meh.

You started a thread over this!?

Good grief woman, get a life, or a drink.

I threaten my kids with all sorts, including eating wood (a literal translation from our second language) they pretend to cry sometimes, but we all know it is family folly.

Parenting ideas on MN are far too serious sometimes, and a little bit twisted.

Some of the responses here are hilarious.

PupsAndKittens
I know that, I was just highlighting that the police expect seatbelts to be worn, it's the law and so mentioning the police in a seatbelt discussion is nothing like inventing the policeman/woman who'll step in.

Any parenting strategy that relies on lying, or outsourcing ‘the power’ to someone/something else is bound to fail.
I agree.

I feel the same at work when you get a colleague who jumps around the behaviour policy / escalates issues too quickly with littlelogic / doesn't use classroom management techniques but then uses those of us who have a firm reputation as the threat /makes empty threats
It's silly and makes them look weak and ineffective. Then they wonder whyclasses misbehave for them

I want my kid to be afraid of me,not some random policeman in the street.