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AIBU?

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Original poster

To mention wanking again

55 replies

Psy2 · 23/08/2019 13:51

After seeing the previous thread in a bit dubious but here goes and I've name changed in fear of flaming

My DH asked me to order him some coils for his vape. He had gone to bed and I couldn't find the website he usually has them from type etc. So I went on his phone in the history to find it and I noticed he has been watching a lot of porn. Now I know all men wank but what I am upset about is that he hasn't been interested in having sex with me for months. I put it down to that he was tired so haven't challenged it but clearly from his history he is horny!! I'm really hurt to be honest that he would rather wank to porn than have sex with me.

OP posts:
Sleepathon · 23/08/2019 15:24

Very common issue with men today.
Wanking and open addiction
Sorry OP

MyFartWillGoOn · 23/08/2019 15:24

@MoaningMinnie1

I really challenge that. Interested to hear @Gilles27 view as I honestly believe all men wank (and nothing wrong with that)

OP, I agree with others. Talk to him about how you feel

Lora8 · 23/08/2019 15:24

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StillDumDeDumming · 23/08/2019 15:25

Hmmm wanking and real sex with a person are quite different and as Gilles says require different levels of energy, communication.

I don’t think you can say he wants to have a wank more than he wants to have sex with you.

But it is extremely hurtful nonetheless. I do think if you can possibly talk about the lack of sex rather than the porn or wanking, it may open up the conversation. I realise this is not the sex board but there’s lots of ways to have lovely sex isn’t there? Start small maybe- what I’m really saying is would he be up for you joining in Blush

My dp doesn’t have sex with me. I really hate it. We were doing a bit better but it’s back to zero again and it’s bloody miserable. But I’m actually glad my dp wanks (apparently) It at least means he hasn’t lost all interest in sex...

Lora8 · 23/08/2019 15:25

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MyFartWillGoOn · 23/08/2019 15:28

@Lora8 I think it's a good question and I would say no, not all. But I do think this is about centuries of being told our bodies were for the pleasure of men, and not ourselves. Historically masturbation is something for women to be ashamed of (in my view) but it's part of 'being a man'

But that's a different thread 😁

Gilles27 · 23/08/2019 15:30

My assumption is that virtually all men wank. What differs is the levels of guilt associated with it. I assume the same applies to women.

Lora8 · 23/08/2019 15:35

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Buster72 · 23/08/2019 15:39

A wank is quick and easy and all men do it from age 13 onwards , it was always so.
A man can watch a video get aroused, jerk off, and enjoy all those endorphins without the effort of making love to a real life person and in a fraction of the time.

When your day is pressed into hours and fraction of hours the pressure to get release is more about a few seconds of joy than actual sexual frustration.

whee2y · 23/08/2019 15:43

I thunk sometimes that if sex is that infrequent then it can make a bloke think whats the point if the next time will be ages away.
Maybe you might have to tell him you want it more

Lora8 · 23/08/2019 15:43

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MrsBethel · 23/08/2019 15:54

Don't worry, OP, all men wank and all men look at porn (well, 99% anyway).

As for the lack of sex: it's a bit chicken and egg - which caused which? Or did they both sort of exacerbate each other? It really doesn't matter - that's just a blame game which is no fun or use to anyone.

Best thing to do is talk to him about it. If you want more sex, talk about it.

GibbonLover · 23/08/2019 15:59

I have nothing constructive to add, I just wanted to say thanks to @MyFartWillGoOn because your user name has given me a right good laugh and I bloody well needed it (a laugh that is, not a fart!).

HappyParent2000 · 23/08/2019 16:00

Who has time for sex these days? It’s a 1-2 hour thing to do it properly.

Just jack it.

Sayhellotothethings · 23/08/2019 16:24

I would talk to him about your lack of sex life. It's the only place to start.

Buster72 · 23/08/2019 16:25

@Lora8
It's a wank, quick and easy, young men do it in minutes. No need to talk to your partner or have anything interrupt the endorphin rush.
It's why there are gay bars and bath houses were you can wall in, get a blow job , wall out in 45 minutes.

For woman there is a bit more work involved in masturbation. But don't deny it happens, the vibrator industry must be worth billions.

Skittlenommer · 23/08/2019 16:49

I'm really hurt to be honest that he would rather wank to porn than have sex with me

It’s easier! It scratches an itch! You can’t compare the two!

Al2O3 · 23/08/2019 17:05

Where did all the romance go?

Lora8 · 23/08/2019 17:49

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Lora8 · 23/08/2019 17:53

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VikVal · 23/08/2019 18:01

If he is choosing wanking over sex, I can choose him to go out the door. Sorry, but as I said in previous thread there is nothing wrong with wanking and all couples should be open to this...but when it takes place instead of sex, leaving me unfulfilled, then that's a big off you fuck. I had this with a previous bf before I got married to my waste of space ex. Once I found out I gave him an ultimatum of we can include it in our sex life, watching porn and that, but he is not neglecting me for porn...Once he finally admitted he can't climax unless wanking...that was the end of that! Sorry, but life's too short!

VikVal · 23/08/2019 18:05

@Buster72
I agree with this...except not just guys can climax quickly by having a quick wank, I can get off quickly if need be it's just the climax is generally meh. Everyone wanks, but that's not the issue, the issue is pretty much replacing an active sex life with a life of wanking to porn, guys that do that are not worth the hassle in my eyes...That's a deal breaker for me.

RedCowboyBoots · 23/08/2019 19:56

Sorry I don't believe that because lets say stuff will build up in the nether regions.

Sorry, but are you suggesting that if men don't masturbate their testicles will explode from semen build up?

RedCowboyBoots · 23/08/2019 19:57

I would also say most men, but not all. Those brought up in strict conservative religions, for instance, are far less likely to.

And masturbation does not require porn.

MoaningMinnie1 · 23/08/2019 22:29

RedCowboyBoots
Sorry I don't believe that because lets say stuff will build up in the nether regions.

Sorry, but are you suggesting that if men don't masturbate their testicles will explode from semen build up?
-----

:-). That's a very 'old hat' belief that has been debunked. Not exactly a build up and explosion but it was thought at one time that prostate cancer could be avoided by regular sex or masturbation.

A lot of men never or almost never masturbate because they like tender, loving sex with someone they love. Not all men are sex mad just for the sake of it.