AIBU re. in laws and birthdays

[MG08]

I am currently not seeing or speaking to my in laws, my brother in law has taken it upon himself to also not speak to me and has never asked to hear my side of things etc.

The issues with in laws are to do with how they treat me, try to control my life, complaining and making note of how often I see my own parents etc. MIL has said she never wants to see me again. Their treatment of me in the past had caused my brother in law to turn up at our house in tears because of what his mum had been saying.

He is now in a relationship and thinks he's some macho man these days and has completely erased any memory of what's been done to me in the past by my MIL because she treats his girlfriend like royalty and she can do no wrong.

It was my 30th birthday recently and I got nothing from him, no card and not even a text. My husband told him that he could have at least text me and he said he wasn't prepared to because of how I've treated them recently. He also complained that I hadn't thanked his parents for my card and gift, which was shoes costing £3 and a generic blank card which they hadn't even written happy birthday in. This complaint was at 6.30am the day after my birthday.

It was his birthday yesterday, I wrote in his card and we got him a present with a label stating it was from all of us. He organised a birthday get together that he knew I wouldn't go to because it was in the evening and we have a baby (she can't fall asleep anywhere so wouldn't have come and he knows this because my husband went out recently without me for another family meal).

So AIBU to be upset that my husband gave him 3 birthday cards, one from us, one from our daughter and one from our pet rabbits and fish! I had mentioned about the card from the pets given that I didn't even get one from him and my husband said he didn't have to give him it. We then put my daughter to bed and he left to go for the birthday meal whilst I was still upstairs doing bedtime. When I came down the card had gone. I asked this morning if he had given him it and he said yes. I asked why and he said he just did. I also haven't had a message from brother in law saying thanks for the present and told my husband he should message him to ask why, given he expected me to thank his parents on the day of my birthday.

AIBU to be annoyed that I didn't even get a card from my brother in law and he got a card from our rabbits and fish?!

OP - you need to read your post back to yourself as if you're coming to it completely cold .... and realise how completely ridiculous and petty it all sounds.

P.S. I've just twigged that in 15 years of knowing my BILs, I've never had a birthday card from either of them.

It's never even occurred to me to mind.

I have 5 BIL and 4 Sil. No birthday cards have been exchanged in 33 years. We all get along perfectly well.

Is this for real? A card from the pets? I've never heard of something like that before.

Sorry OP but this sounds like you enjoy drama. Just go low contact and forget about the sodding cards. I can't remember when i last sent one apart from to my kids!

I've just twigged that in 15 years of knowing my BILs, I've never had a birthday card from either of them.

But did you get one from their gerbil, OooEr?

I know someone with a dozen pets and none of the bastards have sent a card

only on mn are birthdays either a big thing or dismissed, very polarised. i don't get people who are in tears because they didn't get a lay in, birthday cards by 6.30 in the morning or the world laying on a party for them

Really confused.

-Most people would be relieved that they didn't have to attend a birthday gathering for someone that they dislike.

• you don't like him so why do you want a gift and card? I'd rather not think about someone I don't like on my birthday.

• he probably thanked your h. Thanking you by text isn't necessary as your h should have passed on his thanks.

• cards from a goldfish is fine for an under12 but ridiculous for an adult. Why on earth wouldn't you send one card from the humans in your family?

More importantly-
What does your h think about his family's behaviour? Is he pretending that it didn't happen for a quiet life or has he been programmed to see their behaviour as perfectly normal?

YABU for 1) not thanking them for your gift (even if it was a cheap gift as you pointed out) 2) a card from your fish.

You all sound bad but maybe I can see why your in laws are fed up with you. Do you have lots of problems with people?

This is Mumsnet, not Tweensnet.

I agree with the majority that yabu

EXCEPT for cards from pets. That’s a thing in my family. We aren’t an overly obsessive ‘our pets are our children’ family. It’s more a family joke/tradition. It’s my dp’s birthday tomorrow and I have got him the BEST card from the cat.

www.amazon.co.uk/Greeting-Card-CM7111-Humorous-Birthday/dp/B01B4TZNBQ/ref=asc_df_B01B4TZNBQ/?hvlocphy=9045942&linkCode=df0&hvptwo&psc=1&hvnetw=g&hvadid=309952965253&hvpone&hvlocint&hvpos=1o1&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=pla-562510089331&hvrand=13525381317312999339

Ok, I get it. Your bil passive aggressively didn’t send you a birthday card. Then your husband goes ott and sends bil 3 cards on his birthday. That is a bit shit.

However, I wouldn’t go low and respond with your own passive aggressive behaviour. I.e. not giving him a card or demanding the same nonsense of him as he does you, re thank you text.

Do not get into their nonsense.

If my dh family were treating me this way and dh was going out of his way to send them 3 birthday cards, I’d be unhappy about that. Not sure there’s anything you can do though. A frank chat about how you feel?

But did you get one from their gerbil, OooEr?

No, the thoughtless bastard. 🤔

Batqueen

That card is fab!

OooEr

Is your goldfish called Klaus? And is your dog an alien called Roger?

I know you don't mention a dog OP, but its such bollocks I just assumed dog

Where do you get shoes for £3?? I didn't even think Primark was that cheap. Does you husband always give seperate cards from the fish and rabbit? Also on a more sensible note most adults hold birthday meals during the evening as it is the most convenient time for those who work, so probably that rather than timing it to spite you.

Who the fuck gives a card from their pets?!

Someone with a sense of humour maybe? It does rather emphasise the lack of cards from his brother!

I'm guessing there's a back story here. Are you upset because you feel you've been treated badly by Inlaws and instead of supporting you your husband has gone overboard with your brother in law instead OP?