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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be at the end of my tether - Baby size

38 replies

MadamMcCord · 22/08/2019 21:59

DD is 9 weeks old and weighs 15lb.

She was born 11lb 2oz. Yes it’s big, I know it’s big but I am sick to death of people telling me how big she is. It’s constant, however I normally smile along until the question ‘did you have a natural birth’ is asked.

Why is that anybody’s business? Literal strangers have asked me if I had a ‘natural birth’ and I just find it so rude.

DH thinks I may be sensitive because I tried to have a natural birth but ended up with an emergency c-section because she was too big.

I however, don’t really think it’s appropriate for a stranger to want to know how I delivered my child. Because really, they are wondering the state I’ve been left in birthing an 11lb baby!

AIBU?

OP posts:
Thehop · 22/08/2019 22:01

People really are rude.

You’ll either have to rise above it and remember how gorgeous she is or have some fun “no, I couldn’t have a natural delivery....I still have my penis” or something.

PumpkinPie2016 · 22/08/2019 22:03

YANBU

My son was 9lb 6oz so pretty big (especially compared to my small frame) and gained weight well (although always on the 91st centile) and people constantly felt the need to comment!

I also had the questions about natural birth and like you, I'd had an emergency c-section because he was too big for me to deliver.

It's irritating after a while so I totally get what you mean!

My son is 5 now and very tall for his age (have to buy age 7-8 trousers to get the length!!) and skinny I.e. not overweight. People still comment on how very tall he is for his age - I just say something like 'yes, it's just the way he is, his dad is 6ft 2in so it's no suprise really'

RedCowboyBoots · 22/08/2019 22:04

Mine was 14lbs at that age- 15 isn't stupidly big.

Honestly, I think you're being a tad sensitive about it all, but that's allowed because you have birth nine weeks ago!

I always took pride in people saying how big DD was. It meant she was thriving, well fed and healthy. WRT the birth question, I'd just reply 'Thats quite a personal question from a stranger, don't you think?' and walk off if it bothers you.

RedCowboyBoots · 22/08/2019 22:05

Urgh, gave birth, not have birth. That's not thats.

3LoudBoys · 22/08/2019 22:05

My son was 11lb 1oz and people do look at you differently when they know (the occasional glance down there!). You get used to it as time goes on. 😀

AngelaKilfeather · 22/08/2019 22:06

My son was over 12lb. I had many “enquiries”. Until I told someone it was like a badly packed kebab down there now. All fine now 😁

Sparrowlegs248 · 22/08/2019 22:09

Yanbu. My 2nd was almost 11lbs and "natural" (if you can count emergency dash to theatre, narrowly avoiding GA and emcs, turning back to back baby with one force, episiotomy and hauling him out with second forceps, as natural!) People mostly seem to be impressed. Grin

But yrs, I got so tired of hearing how big he was.

BigMamaFratelli · 22/08/2019 22:11

Honestly, other people can be twats. Dd1 was skinny, although really long and 7lbs at birth. She put on weight relatively slowly so people used to think she was much younger than she was. You can't win, so just ignore and enjoy your baby

26mcjrfm · 22/08/2019 22:16

My baby is 8weeks and 14lb, she was born 8lb 10oz so not overly big. When people remark on her chunky thighs (looking at you GP) and her chubby cheeks, I’m filled with pride as she is thriving and feeding well. I was concerned about her weight gain but the HV is happy with her.

In regards to people asking about your birth, you are right to be annoyed. Now can be such a sensitive time post birth, but you delivered her safely no matter what route, and that’s all that matters. Tell them to mind their own business!

Congratulations to you, your baby sounds so healthy. And I hope you’re recovering well.

Starheart · 22/08/2019 22:18

Also had a big baby so can relate to this . I had a 2nd degree tear and haemorrhaged after delivery . I do find it difficult sometimes when people comment on her weight as it reminds me of the birth was which traumatic for me.

MindatWork · 22/08/2019 22:18

If it’s any consolation OP, it’s the same if your baby is on the small side. DD was 6 weeks prem - 6lb at birth but lost a lot in scbu. I’ve lost count of the number of people who told me how tiny she was, is she eating ok, how am I feeding her, refusing to believe she’s not younger than she is, etc Hmm. People will find something to comment on.

At least you won’t have health visitors grilling you about weight gain and centiles!

pinkcardi · 22/08/2019 22:19

Mine was almost 10lb.

I got lots of comments about her size, and some questions too about delivery.

I honestly don't think people are being rude, they're just curious / chatting / trying to make conversation. I'd imagine that most people would think they were being polite in asking questions about the birth.

Perhaps practice an answer that you can use if you are asked the question. I had a stock phase which I used about my first DC birth and it made me feel better to control the messaging and shut off the questions politely.

Waveysnail · 22/08/2019 22:21

Meh she was huge. All my boys were 10lb plus. It's a fact nothing to get upset over

Passmethepepsi · 22/08/2019 22:24

You’re probably a bit sensitive but I’m with you as I felt entirely the same but on the other end of the scale. My dd was 5lbs and the number of comments about her size how small she was used to get me irrationally angry Blush

JimmyJazz · 22/08/2019 22:27

In the nicest possible way, i think your DH might be right - for 99.9% of people, saying you have a big baby is actually a totally normal compliment, in a "aren't you both doing well" kind of way. If they do pry about delivery methods, that's just rude, with any parent, but I've seen people start making big baby comments with totally normal sized babies. You are doing great, early parenting is hard, don't worry about what other people might or might not be thinking x

EmeraldIsle81 · 22/08/2019 22:28

OP I agree, the rude questions people ask you or say to you is dreadful. I've not had my baby yet and already I've agreed with my partner that if anyone asks about birth plans or feeding plans etc we say - 'you know that's a really personal question and I don't feel like talking about that with you. Thanks for asking though.' That should cut the person off from any more questions.
I even had an electrician who was fixing a light switch in my house ask me about my body eg delivery of baby and breastfeeding. Seriously, the electrician!!!!!!!
No, no more questions from anyone, I've had enough of people discussing my body as if it's theirs.

Kolo · 22/08/2019 22:28

My son was heavier than yours, OP, and I had to have an emergency section because he got stuck. He’s tall for his age even now, and people still gasp in horror “not a natural birth, I hope” when I mention his weight as a baby. I’m quite small, so I’ve always assumed it was because of ‘the maths’ that people said that, rather than worrying about my floof. My floof is fine.

It’s still very recent for you, 9 weeks is so little time. You’ll get your own back with other mums once the conversation moves from birth stories to sleeping through the night and feeding. Bigger babies = bigger tummies and they can hold more milk than average babies, so less need to wake during the night. Also, you’ll probably never have to worry about whether your baby is eating enough. Mine was a proper chubster and had plenty of stores for when he might be off his food.

Emily312 · 22/08/2019 22:30

You can't win...my 5month old has only just reached 12lbs on Monday. She has a feeding tube in because she doesn't take large volumes of milk and needs support.
The comments get to me too.

JimmyJazz · 22/08/2019 22:32

Sorry, that sounded dismissive, I've had 95th and 99.9th percentile babies. People often start with "oh he's a big one" but if you just don't rise to it, at all, or - as I did with my first, smaller, one - start saying "no, totally normal actually" in a very matter of fact tone of voice then people back off immediately. No one is actually that attuned to baby size, because just a few weeks makes such a massive difference, so you can just totally just rebuff any interest (though I stand by the fact that it's usually well-intentioned!).

cassgate · 22/08/2019 22:32

My Dd was 10lb 8oz and I too had to have c section because she was too big to come out naturally. She is now 15, 5ft 7 and a size 4 adult clothes. I am 5ft 2 and small framed so now when I tell people how big she was they can’t believe It. So trust me in a few years no one will take any notice.

WhyBirdStop · 22/08/2019 22:33

Once you have a baby people feel it's fine to probe into your personal medical situation. DS was a month early that prompts 'oh how much did he weigh', they expect me to say some tiny figure, I say 7'11, which leads to oh gosh I bet you're glad he didn't go to term, (actually no it was terrifying and traumatic) and often 'if he'd gone full term that would've caused some damage' (!!), last time someone said that, I said loudly and clearly oh you're saying he would've caused more damage to my vagina? They looked uncomfortable, I was pleased.

I've said it before on here, my usually lovely FIL asked me how my stitches were healing! With a downwards hand gesture. I like him so I just answered the question he should've asked and said 'I'm fine thank you'

ThePolishWombat · 22/08/2019 22:34

You can’t win either way OP!! People love to comment on the size of a baby whether the baby is particularly bigger or smaller than “average” Hmm Me and a close friend had babies within a week of each other - my friend’s baby being a bigger than average 10 pounder, and mine being a barely 6lb scrawny little thing. People would always make ridiculous comments when we were out together. One person actually asked me what was wrong with my baby Hmm Urrrrmmm nothing. He’s just little?! Someone else told my friend that her baby looked like she’d eaten mine Confused
It’s rude. It’s unnecessary. And it’s just downright weird Confused
And I know this is totally anecdotal, but the aforementioned “big baby” is now actually quite an average sized toddler. Put her and my son next to each other and she’s really not that much bigger than him, and they wear the same size shoes.

Sux2buthen · 22/08/2019 22:35

I had a rush to surgery after my second was born because of a fourth degree tear and always found it really awkward when people asked about the birth. I've actually lied rather than tell them I ripped open front to back, inside and out GrinI didn't want to give them the mental image!

TheTrollFairy · 22/08/2019 22:36

Everything will be discussed from now until your child is an adult!

I was massive during pregnancy. Everyone asked if it was twin - it wasn’t and DD was less than 7lbs.
People always asked if she was breastfeed
People now ask me if I’m sure of her age as she’s really tall

It used to annoy me, I have got over it now!

moonlight1705 · 22/08/2019 22:39

I had a 10lb 4 DD and it ended up with an emcs due to getting stuck. I get all the comments about her being big, she's 6 months now and in a couple of weeks I'll be putting her into 12-18month clothes.

She is big (100th centile) but so healthy and happy so not caring what other people say.

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