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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband demanding I have Mental health check

42 replies

Hatherden123 · 22/08/2019 21:32

Hi - I'm trying to separate from my husband of 20 years, we have 3 DC, ages 14, 12 and 10.
He refuses to move out and today turned down an offer on our house which is up for sale and could mean a clean break.
I got really upset that he'd turned the offer down as I saw it as my way out of a nightmare marriage.
He says I'm mental and he will get a court to test my mental health before I ever get to have our children - can he do this ?
I have been on and off anti depressants over the years and am worried that he will use this against me.

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 22/08/2019 21:35

He sounds like a complete arsehole. Courts can arrange for you to be examined by a psychiatrist/psychologist, but only with your consent and if there’s a good reason for it. Have you thought about asking Women’s Aid for help?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 22/08/2019 21:36

Loads of people take anti depressants. I don’t think that’s a big concern.

ColaFreezePop · 22/08/2019 21:36

He's talking shit.

If you are the main carer of the children and never harmed them, then you will remain their main carer. Plus as your children are over 8, especially with the 14 year old, their opinions about where they want to spend most of their time living will be considered.

I suggest you get yourself a solicitor or at least someone to talk to in RL, as it isn't surprising you have some mental health problems with a shit talking ex like that.

Sayhellotothethings · 22/08/2019 21:36

In theory, yes, he could probably take you to court and try and use your MH against you to win custody. You could work with a lawyer to prove how you have managed your difficulties in a way that has meant you have successfully brought up your children.

Is it that he wants full custody if the children or is he trying to scare you off ending your marriage?

pointythings · 22/08/2019 21:37

He's trying to intimidate you. Don't let him. Being on antidepressants is not something the courts are going to look at.

Have you got a solicitor? I think you need one to fight your corner. Your husband is abusive.

Sayhellotothethings · 22/08/2019 21:37

Fwiw - just because he could try and use it in family court doesn't mean the judge will side with him. He sounds like a dick.

CSIblonde · 22/08/2019 21:41

That old chestnut. (did a stint as a legal secretary in matrimonial). It's just a scare tactic & a stick with to poke you with, to get a reaction. Just reply "absolutely" & carry on with your day. Even if you did agree to a MH assessment theres no way intermittent depression would be 'just cause' to take the children off you. You'd have to be classed as a danger to them or yourself for that.

PersonaNonGarter · 22/08/2019 21:42

He’s fucking with your head.

Have you organised yourself a lawyer?

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 22/08/2019 21:45

He's an emotionally abusive twat. Being on antidepressants is not at all unusual, nor does it call into question your ability to care for your DC and he bloody well knows that. He's just trying to scare you into staying and undermine your confidence. Unless he can prove that your mental health issues are detrimental to the DC then he doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Waveysnail · 22/08/2019 21:46

Divorce. Get a lawyer. Force sale

Stompythedinosaur · 22/08/2019 21:52

No court will care that you are on anti-depressants. It does not effect your ability to parent. I deal with this in my job.

The only things that would make a difference would be if you had made a suicide attempts that could have effected the dc or were otherwise unable to meet their needs (e.g. not feeding them due to chronic depression).

Your ex sounds like a dickhead.

Original poster
Hatherden123 · 22/08/2019 21:58

Thank you so much, never done anything like a suicide attempt, children are well cared for - they have just had an awful summer of arguing parents and seen me crying today.
I took them out for sweets and a short drive to get out of the house and when I got back was accused of "poisoning their heads against him"... he then called the oldest one in to "testify" that I was nuts... I went for a walk round the block to the sound of ..."there she goes running away running away.."

OP posts:
SarahSinclair · 22/08/2019 22:01

Can you and your children stay with someone to get away from this??? He’s going to try and destroy you, please get away somehow.

greenberet · 22/08/2019 22:11

Op he sounds like a nasty piece of work - just like my X - I too have had depression for over 20 years - funnily enough it is a symptom of an abusive relationship - go and see your GP - tell them what your DH is saying.

I feared my X was going to try this stunt - he did everything he could to try and destroy me. Due to the animosity and the games he played I was referred to MH for extra support - no mention at all that I was unable to parent but confirmed that the difficulties with DH were adding to my stress levels and making symptoms of depression worse.

I also suggest you find a good solicitor - good luck x

FermatsTheorem · 22/08/2019 22:14

Get a solicitor - what you're describing sounds like coercive control on his part, and also attempts at parental alienation (trying to persuade your children to testify against you).

In short, he's a shitstain on the underpants of humanity.

Hithere12 · 22/08/2019 22:18

OP it is textbook - TEXTBOOK behaviour for abusers to say the person they are abusive towards us “crazy” he’s absolutely sick and should book himself in for a check

Cryalot2 · 22/08/2019 22:21

He is a bully and is abusing you.
Ring womans aid and they will help you as well as get you legal àdvice.
It a 24 hour help line in uk
08088021414
Good wishes Flowers

maddening · 22/08/2019 22:22

I would also record some of his bile to show what you are dealing with.

Check out mentally, monitor everything he does, more more crap he comes out with the more evidence you have. One of you has to keep their head, it must be you while he is losing his control over you it will drive his bad behaviour, you take the opportunity to be the calm for the dc, they will need that

Cherrysoup · 22/08/2019 22:23

Solicitor and force sale, as pp said. Parental alienation is illegal these days, isn’t it? Keep a log of comments.

slipperywhensparticus · 22/08/2019 22:23

Are the kids back at school yet? Can you and the kids leave the house?

gilliansgardenbench · 22/08/2019 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gilliansgardenbench · 22/08/2019 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cakeandchampagne · 22/08/2019 22:42

If your doctors thought you were a danger to your children, they wouldn’t have just put a note in your file, they would have taken action. And that has never happened, has it?
He is mean and he is trying to scare you.

gilliansgardenbench · 22/08/2019 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheInebriati · 22/08/2019 22:56

He's abusing you and your children. please use a helpline as soon as you can for advice.

The 24hr freephone National Domestic Violence Helpline (run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge) is available on 0808 2000 247 hours a day, 7 days a week.