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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think nursery workers should at least act like they're happy to be there?!

61 replies

KellyHall · 22/08/2019 21:02

Firstly, sorry it's so long!

My dd (2.5) has been at the same nursery since she was 7 months old, when I had to return to work. She always says she's had fun but also never wants to go beforehand, it takes a lot of persuasion. She is not easily pleased, she gets it from me.

She had a lovely, smiley, soft spoken key worker when she was in the under 2 years room but obviously got bored with the limited resources as she got older.

When she moved to the 2-3 room, she enjoyed the new activities but nearly all of the staff are so grumpy compared to the baby room, she still keeps asking to see her original key worker. After a couple of months, a new key worker was assigned to her who is really lovely and sweet, everything you'd want.

Two weeks ago however, I noticed a new staff member when I collected dd who started straight at me without so much as a flicker of a smile. Then I got an email introducing this person as dd's new key worker, she wasn't even smiling in the emailed photo! Today I picked up dd again and it was my first interaction with dd's new key worker - no introduction, no smile, no explanation about why following an 'accident' my dd was wearing spare i.e. old and dirty, clothes instead of the clean ones in her bag.

It's a big and busy nursery so sometimes they're a bit lax here and there but this particular person seemingly has no redeeming qualities, what should I do?

OP posts:

Sadie789 · 22/08/2019 21:04

What a shame. My DD nursery staff are all sweet, happy and keen to do their job properly. DD is happy there and I feel at ease leaving her.

Perhaps you should look at another nursery as I agree, the staff are the most important asset and if they’re not giving the right interactions with the kids or indeed the parents then the place is not up to scratch.

Basketofkittens · 22/08/2019 21:06

I don’t disagree but they are paid minimum wage.

It seems mad that we go to work to pay £1000 a month for minimum wage young women to care for our children for 40 hours a week.

Pileofcleantowels · 22/08/2019 21:10

I agree with @Basketofkittens. They should try to look happy but it's a stressful job with poor pay (especially if you live somewhere with high costs of living). If they were paid fairly/more it would be uneconomic for (more) families to work however, as it'd be even more than £1k a month for care. Yay for capitalism?!

Sceptre86 · 22/08/2019 21:11

Everyone has good and bad days o maybe give it a week or two and then decide? I always think that you should be of a caring nature if you work in a caring profession but sadly not all are. I was lucky in that all of the ladies at my dd's nursery were very attentive and loving towards the kids and would happily give cuddles. Yanbu

Original poster

KellyHall · 22/08/2019 21:16

It is criminal how little they are paid, I agree.

I have two jobs which I mostly fit around my husband's work so dd is only at nursery 1-2 days a week.

Has anyone ever complained in a situation like this and it actually helped? I don't want dd to be "that woman's daughter", if you know what I mean!

OP posts:

TinyGhostWriter · 22/08/2019 21:22

Your main complaint is that she isn’t smiley? Unless there is a lot more to this then you will be “that parent”!

I suggest that you get to know her before making presumptions about her approach at work.

littlepaddypaws · 22/08/2019 21:28

morale is very low at the nursery where dd works, she's finding it hard, although she loves the kids she cares for.

Original poster

KellyHall · 22/08/2019 21:32

Thanks everyone :)

I think dd is so emotional about going to nursery, it makes me a bit overly emotional about it too!

We have thought about looking for a new nursery. Has anyone done this with their toddler? Are they ever able to make a choiceabout a new nursery that turns out to be the right one?

I should book some time with the key worker and get to know her better. I work in customer service so fingers crossed I can find a way to unleash her inner smile. Wish me luck!

OP posts:

Sadie789 · 22/08/2019 21:34

I don’t understand what the minimum wage aspect has to do with it?

It’s a vocation that requires training and qualifications, and has a clear career path to a management position. It’s hardly working in an Amazon warehouse as a picker. The girls on minimum wage are at the start of their career and mostly very young, and their outgoings and living circumstances will reflect that low income. As they progress and specialise they will earn more.

It’s a fundamental requirement to be a people person to succeed in a role like this. And that includes being friendly, smiley and communicative. If you can’t manage these things in a job that demands such then you’re in the wrong business.

Basketofkittens · 22/08/2019 21:35

If I worked in a minimum wage job with poor T&Cs I don’t think I would be particularly motivated either.

Thehop · 22/08/2019 21:38

I’m 40. I have lists of qualifications in early years and am on minimum wage in a nursery, believe me, I do it for the love.

It’s sad that your nursery staff are such miserable cows. How you can do that job and not live children is beyond me

I’d ask for a new key worker.

Ours are largely chosen by children,

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 22/08/2019 21:38

I think it's a bit harsh to decide that someone has "no redeeming qualities" after meeting them once. If your DD isn't happy or you have concerns about the care she is recieving then that's different but if she's generally settled there I'd be reluctant to move her on the basis that her keyworker isn't "smiley" enough.

thinkingalot · 22/08/2019 21:47

With all due respect, I agree she is only paid minimum wage. So all she really has to do is the minimum - she doesn't care if your child leaves - she'll get another child to care for. I think it works both ways - if you want her to warm to you then you're going to have to make her smile because obviously she needs something else to make her smile. Take her some chocolate or start talking to her ? Is she shy? Is she new? Ask her how she is. Finding a fault won't be any help to you at all. She is looking after your child at the end of the day you want her on your side. I agree the cost is high but that's how it is. Stay at home is the other option. Not trying to be nasty or patronising.

Crotchgoblins · 22/08/2019 21:47

I would take it as a reflection on the nursery itself if all the staff look miserable and wander why.

Winter2019 · 22/08/2019 21:47

Obviously you don't really know the new worker so I wouldn't judge much on that, see what she's like next few times you see her.. But can't stand when people, like many posters here, say - it's because it's such a low paid job, minimum wage etc. They knew when they took the job, no?! Or where they promised millions and didn't get it?! You took on the job, now get on with it, especially when working with kids!!!

Greyhound22 · 22/08/2019 21:49

I agree OP.

I moved DS from a nursery where one worker was totally miserable and clearly hated the job and another rolled their eyes whenever my son walked in.

I don't get the MN idea of people on minimum wage don't have to do their job properly because they're not being paid enough.

I agree that they aren't and we really undervalue those caring for our most vulnerable people. It's not a job I could do - but I've got to leave my child there all day. I used to sit there all day worrying they were being grumpy to him. It also stings a bit when you're paying £50 a day and they can't even f'in acknowledge you when you walk in.

The difference when I changed him to a school nursery was amazing - no staff turnover and staff that actually enjoyed their job and appeared to have chosen to work with children because they enjoyed it.

I would move - my son still shudders and says 'that was a bad place' when we walk past and hates seeing his old key worker in our village. I feel bad I kept him there for so long.

Winter2019 · 22/08/2019 21:49

Sadie, totally agree with you!

thinkingalot · 22/08/2019 21:50

@Winter2019 they'd be miserable working in a shop as well. What came first? Misery or minimum wage?

thinkingalot · 22/08/2019 21:52

@Greyhound22 it's not that they don't have to it's just the quality at that level of pay. It's just pay peanuts, get monkeys.

PinkiOcelot · 22/08/2019 21:57

I would have a word with the manager. Explain you’re having problems getting her there and have to persuade her every morning. No wonder she doesn’t want to go with workers with faces like smacked backsides!

I don’t see what minimum wage has got to do with anything. It’s not as if they just found out their wages when they pitched up this morning. They go in to it eyes wide open.

Topsecretidentity · 22/08/2019 22:00

If I worked in a minimum wage job with poor T&Cs I don’t think I would be particularly motivated either.

That's hardly the children's fault though is it? I think anyone that works with vulnerable people and animals, should still treat those vulnerable "clients" with 100% of their energy, warmth and respect regardless of their T&Cs.

I'd be looking at a new nursery OP. I moved my DD for the exact same reason and she couldn't be happier to go to nursery now and the staff seem to actually like children... the difference in my DD is night and day.

Wildorchidz · 22/08/2019 22:00

They go in to it eyes wide open.

I doubt that. I’d imagine after a very short time a sizeable number are completely disillusioned.

Popskipiekin · 22/08/2019 22:03

OP to answer your question about whether it’s possible to move nurseries at 2.5 - of course! DS1 was at the same full time nursery from 11 months to 2.5 when we had to move him as we moved house. It took him approx 2 weeks to settle into the new setting. Then we moved him again after just over a year because we weren’t happy with the high staff turnover and frequency of agency staff looking after him (I know nurseries experience this but it was extreme). Again, approx 2 weeks until he was happy. If you want to move her, don’t be held back by wanting to keep things consistent for her. She will adapt fine.

Basketofkittens · 22/08/2019 22:05

Care jobs come with bags of emotional labour. For crap pay. There’s a reason there are thousands of vacancies. Nobody wants to do them.

Ponoka7 · 22/08/2019 22:05

"If I worked in a minimum wage job with poor T&Cs I don’t think I would be particularly motivated either."

Well millions of us are and we don't need the pity or to be working with people who are having excuses made for them.

If you don't want the job any longer, then there are other mun wage jobs available.

You don't get to make everyone else miserable and create an atmosphere.

How patronising do you think you sound?

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