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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think nursery workers should at least act like they're happy to be there?!

61 replies

KellyHall · 22/08/2019 21:02

Firstly, sorry it's so long!

My dd (2.5) has been at the same nursery since she was 7 months old, when I had to return to work. She always says she's had fun but also never wants to go beforehand, it takes a lot of persuasion. She is not easily pleased, she gets it from me.

She had a lovely, smiley, soft spoken key worker when she was in the under 2 years room but obviously got bored with the limited resources as she got older.

When she moved to the 2-3 room, she enjoyed the new activities but nearly all of the staff are so grumpy compared to the baby room, she still keeps asking to see her original key worker. After a couple of months, a new key worker was assigned to her who is really lovely and sweet, everything you'd want.

Two weeks ago however, I noticed a new staff member when I collected dd who started straight at me without so much as a flicker of a smile. Then I got an email introducing this person as dd's new key worker, she wasn't even smiling in the emailed photo! Today I picked up dd again and it was my first interaction with dd's new key worker - no introduction, no smile, no explanation about why following an 'accident' my dd was wearing spare i.e. old and dirty, clothes instead of the clean ones in her bag.

It's a big and busy nursery so sometimes they're a bit lax here and there but this particular person seemingly has no redeeming qualities, what should I do?

OP posts:

Sadie789 · 22/08/2019 22:06

Disillusioned by what? Working with kids in a relaxed setting, spending time outdoors, doing creative things, reading books and giving cuddles?

If you’re taking on a minimum wage job (career as this is) then there are plenty worse options for daily tasks and responsibilities that would leave you disillusioned.

Like working in a warehouse or a factory for example.

Not sure why people are acting like this is some form of torture and it’s no wonder they can’t find a smile?

WheresTheEvidence · 22/08/2019 22:06

Regarding minimum wage. I am a 35 year old nursery nurse with a degree in childcare and over 15 years experience. I still earn just over nmw. I got into nursery nursing after a nanny redundancy and its soul destroying putting in all the effort, love and hard work that comes into working in the early years for less than you can make at McDonalds.

Regarding happy staff I agree that you should be happy with the staff and they should make you feel welcome but also please be aware that when dropping off and picking up you are in the middle of a nursery day there are children there who continue to need care and attention and that sometimes a quick and efficient handover is easier all round
Its lovely to hear about your holidays and yoube had a long day at work and the traffic was a pain oh and did you want to see this photo of DC but take a second, look around and work out if a long handover is feasible. If 1 nursery nurse is chatting to you does that mean 1 other is now in sole charge of 7 2 year olds or leaving 1 member of staff to deal with a couple of tearful babies.

Be bright and smiley, have a quick chat and head off. The same in the morning. Quick "shes great" kiss and go.

Basketofkittens · 22/08/2019 22:07

Ponoka7 - take it down a notch. Christ. People have serious issues on here at the moment.

EmmiJay · 22/08/2019 22:08

So we're allowing these adults to be sulky around the poor children because they are on minimum wage now?? Grief!

OP, be 'that parent' because at the end of the day its their job to be there for these children. I always pulled up teachers with my DD and amazingly, they survived and life got a little easier. Yes, I know they may not have liked me but tough tit.

WheresTheEvidence · 22/08/2019 22:09

Sadie. Relaxing setting ? Have you tried to care for 22 6month to 2 year olds in 1 room? Even when they're happy and content yes its lovely but it's far from relaxed. I love my job and yes there are some real lovely parts about it but when the children are playing and exploring happily I am writing observations on 8 children, changing nappies, juggling feeding and nap schedules plus actually want to play and interact. So whilst it may look like a relaxing room where I sit and read stories all day its not quite what it says on the tin.

Sadie789 · 22/08/2019 22:11

It’s a relaxed setting in that it’s a warm, dry, safe space with pleasant lighting and noise levels.

As I said, hundreds of other jobs are far more depressing and stressful for numerous reasons.

If looking after a room full of two year olds is killing your soul then you’re in the wrong game.

Basketofkittens · 22/08/2019 22:18

Not sure why people are so angry on this thread. Blame the system that makes your put your children in childcare because you need to go to work. Not the fed up nursery workers.

AProblemHasOccured · 22/08/2019 22:21

I work in a nursery. Min wage, no breaks (as I work 6 hrs a day), shitty ts and Cs, spoken to and treated like crap. The list is endless. I wouldn't dare be so rude and cold towards a parent or child. It is not their fault nursery work is usually so badly paid and poorly managed. I genuinely care about the children I look after and will always go out of my way to help a child or a parent. YNBU op.

CherryPavlova · 22/08/2019 22:29

I made not sure why the staff member is specifically responsible for saying hello.She might be lovely with little ones but shy around parents.

Did you say “Hello, I’m Kelly, babyKelly’s mother. Lovely to meet you. Did she have an accident?”. If not, why not?

Helendee · 22/08/2019 22:30

Pleasant noise levels? In a nursery? 😁

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 22/08/2019 22:32

Your dc will struggle at that age re going as shes only there 1 or 2 days a week op.

IceAndASlice123 · 22/08/2019 22:36

Laughing at the 'They get to work in a relaxed environment.' So, so far from the case.
Childcare is bloody hard work.
I agree that they knew about low pay before they got into it but I doubt many realised how hard the job would be. And it really is. With that said OP, I understand your concerns. Give it a while and if you feel the same change nurseries. You need to have total trust and peace of mind in your childcare provider x

Bookworm4 · 22/08/2019 22:37

It is a poorly paid job which is ironic when they are entrusted with the most valued thing in your life.

Sadie789 · 22/08/2019 22:40

Lots of jobs are hard! And horrible, and low paid, and thankless.

But if one of the key elements of your role is to interact with people, both kids and adults, and you resent that or find it hard, you are in the wrong job, and the service provided to paying customers is below par, and that’s unacceptable.

Not sure what’s so hard to comprehend about that. Min wage or six figure salary.

HighwayCat · 22/08/2019 22:46

I’d give it a bit longer OP. It sounds like your DD is happy there overall; mine adore nursery but can make a bit of a fuss before going. Asking for her previous key worker just shows she had a good bond with her, not necessarily that she isn’t happy with the new one IYSWIM? And as her new key worker is also new to the nursery she may just be trying to keep up with everything and learn who everyone is so give her some time to settle down. I’ve found as they get older the keyworker relationship has been less important. Although they would take a lead on the paperwork and parents evenings, it’s all a lot more fluid as the kids have more autonomy over who they chose to interact with and also can give me their own feedback on their day.

The only thing that would concern me is that this sounds like it’s now her 3rd keyworker in a short period of time. Does this mean there’s a high staff turnover? Otherwise nothing jumps out as being a reason to move unless you’re really not happy with things.

IceAndASlice123 · 22/08/2019 22:48

We know that Sadie but we are pointing out it isn't a relaxing job. It is far from that.

thinkingalot · 22/08/2019 22:49

Its a hard job. For minimal pay. If you want something done better do it yourself. Maybe you cant. Ok but make cut backs in life. People want their cake and eat it.

PastTippingPoint · 22/08/2019 22:49

I would give it time. When my DD was in the baby room there was one worker who always looked a bit grumpy but she was my daughter's favourite! She might be lovely with the children.

If this is just one more thing on top of other complaints then move, but i wouldn't mpve my child because of her key worker. Can't you ask to swap key workers if it's not working for your daughter anyway? I don't really know who my DD's is atm as i can't do drop offs/pick ups.

NameChange84 · 22/08/2019 23:00

Being paid NMW is no excuse for lacking warmth or being unwelcoming to a child in one’s care and it’s an insult to suggest that if someone is paid NMW that they should be pitied to the point of being excused from doing their job properly.

There are plenty of non-customer facing NMW that are available. I’ve worked with too many colleagues over the years who ultimately don’t have the enthusiasm or approach needed for working with children and it’s led me to know I wouldn’t be happy if a child of mine was in their care. If you’ve got a bad vibe and feel your child may be impacted by her key worker’s attitude request a change OP.

absopugginglutely · 22/08/2019 23:10

I have worked in those places. They are usually run by bullies and bitchy women who are jealous of anyone who has any sensitivity towards the children.
I saw some very very crap behaviour from staff day in day out in multiple nurseries that I worked in. Everyone is on minimum wage and everyone is working long hours.
Eventually I trained as a primary school teacher for (obviously the fact I adore children) the working rights, the money, the real professional colleagues and the recognition for educating youngsters.

Wildorchidz · 22/08/2019 23:13

Who do you think gives a fuck? Possibly the parents who might be aware..,
Do you think nursery owners care? Or managers?

NameChange84 · 22/08/2019 23:21

They are usually run by bullies and bitchy women who are jealous of anyone who has any sensitivity towards the children.

A thousand times this! Absolutely my experience. Some real dragons who got a kick out of bullying toddlers and younger staff members who dared to show empathy and kindness towards children rather than regarding them all as “manipulative shits”.

Needless to say I also got out.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 23/08/2019 07:14

I would think a lot of her inability to settle comes from only doing 1-2 days per week.

MissB83 · 23/08/2019 07:23

I think settling can go up and down, my 18 month old has good and bad days depending on different things and the nursery/nursery staff are always lovely, smiley and ready with a cuddle. That said you might be better looking for a place where the staff seem happier as it's a huge factor for young children.

Pileofcleantowels · 23/08/2019 13:45

Blame the system that makes your put your children in childcare because you need to go to work

Agreed.

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