To try to plan wedding around friends’ pregnancies?

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Just in case: Daily Mail are scum.

DP and I are recently engaged We have both always imagined having a “proper” wedding - nothing fancy but all of our family and friends invited to a ceremony, sit down dinner and then dancing. This is partly because we love a good party so would love to throw one, but also mostly because we both love the idea of having all of our loved ones in the same place for a day and we are aware this is unlikely to happen otherwise.

Unfortunately, we are pretty much the last ones in our friendship groups and families to get married (met each other a bit later than would have liked to). The majority of our friends got married last year/this year and this means that lots of them are planning to get pregnant over the course of the next 12 months. In particular 3 of my closest, oldest friends, who I would want to be my bridesmaids (I was all of theirs) and who I would be gutted not to have there on the day, are likely to start trying in the next couple of months. This means due dates from end of July to Christmas next year assuming it doesn’t take them too long to conceive.

For work reasons DP and I can’t get married in April or May. We have found a venue we love (after a fair amount of searching for something suitable within our budget) but it has no availability from June-Aug next year. So that means getting married either in March, which feels very soon and like everything would be rushed (we haven’t picked anything yet) or in Sept/Oct/November, which would give us plenty of time but would mean it was very likely that at least one, if not all 3 of my closest friends would either miss the wedding entirely or really not enjoy it with a tiny baby to look after. We don’t want to wait until 2021 as we’re already a bit older than we would like and don’t want to put our life on hold.

DP would prefer to go with next autumn as he gets quite overwhelmed with rushed planning and trying to pack too much in. I agree with him that it would be a shame to rush one of the biggest days of our lives to fit around our friends’ life choices. But equally I would be devastated if my best friends missed the day (and it is likely that a lot of other guests would also be in a similar position). I can’t see the point in spending all the money and all the time planning an event for our loved ones only to have those who are most important to us missing it (although I am aware it might take them a while to conceive, it also might not!)

We are stumped. Has anyone else been in this position and if so what did you decide to do? Should we rush ahead and get everyone there but probably have a stressful lead up to the day? Or take things at our own pace but risk lots of no-shows including my closest, oldest friends?

WWYD?

@SleepingStandingUp and @Jeezoh - on the contrary. By far the most important part of us marrying is the vows. I would happily do that with DP tomorrow (although our families would be gutted).

The whole point for both of us of doing the extra party part is to share it with others who are important to us.

This is possibly one of the most bizarre things I have read on here. Just plan your wedding, tell people when it is they will turn up or not. You will still be married. Life can't be planned to this much detail. Any of your guests could be pregnant, ill, working, on holiday, already at another event or any number of other things. You really just need to pick a date and get on with it.

We planned our wedding in just under 6 months. It was more than enough time, in fact I was twiddling my thumbs a lot of the time. So if you wanted March it is more than doable. Just be organised

I couldn't even plan my wedding around my own pregnancy I booked my wedding in October for May the following year and I ended up being 29 weeks pregnant when I got married (and brought a baby home from my honeymoon!)
I don't think you can plan it, just be willing to be flexible with allowing children to attend and your bridesmaids to have a say in their dresses etc
Or you could do it sooner rather than later!
Happy wedding planning

Fair enough but your previous comment made it sound like you're just looking fro an excuse to have a party with your mates.

The choice is:
A) Go for March and hope no one gets pregnant soon /has a premature baby. Statistically less of a risk I'd assume.
B) change venue so you have more time but there's still a risk of a clash
C) Go for the later date but see point B

I would totally do everything in my power to make life easier for all my friends, after all a wedding is about them.

I got pregnant so that my best friend's wedding was a week after I was due. She was really quite cross with me! But baby was late and I danced (shuffled) that ceilidh with her and was forgiven.
We did organise our wedding so my pregnant sister could take a transatlantic flight as you can't fly very pregnant, so we ended up planning it in 2 months. Once you've got the venue, everything else is fairly easy unless you are massively fixed about details. I had a few raised eyebrows about the time particularly about the dress but I remember asking "can you do it in that time?" And the woman huffed and puffed but said yes and I said, "that's ok then." You can plan a bit for definite pregnancies. You can't plan at all for possibles. Get married when you want.

I also recommend telling people when to expect food and providing snacks. This helps pregnant people. And a quiet room for grannies and babies in the evening. That way new parents can have a quick dance not far from their newborn while grannies get to coo over babies.

Thanks @Reversiblesequinsforadults - more good tips. I was also thinking of inviting the bridesmaids’ parents so they can help out with their newborn grandchildren if they have been born, but there are numbers restrictions for the meal so it depends on total guest numbers.

There were 5 women who were pregnant at our wedding. I didn't know about 2 of their pregnancies until later. One girl had given birth to her first baby 2 weeks earlier. I had expected her to pull out but she didn't. Another guest did cancel on the day though, after coming down with gastroenteritis that morning. These things happen....

I went to various weddings, concerts and other events while pregnant myself.

I went to a christening 12 days after giving birth to DC2 (was a bit tricky trying to find a presentable dress that I could breastfeed in - went shopping with 9 day old to find one)

I went to another christening 9 days overdue with baby 3....

Plan the wedding you want and people will manage to work around you. Try not to worry too much, and try to enjoy it!!!

And a quiet room for grannies and babies in the evening you must have different grannies to me. My own Mom would be first on the dance floor!!

This is the problem op. I had my baby 5 weeks before my sisters wedding, he was still in NICU when thry got married. I paid £60 round trip to be her Matron of Honour then left straight after the church.

But a sickness bug, a broken leg, a broken down car, any number of calamities can suddenly throw the best of intentions askew

You are way over thinking this. Get married on a date that suits you and Dh and stop factoring in friends possible future pregnancies.

Go for March.
I’m getting married in July 2020. The only thing we have chosen is the date, the church and my dress (got a beautiful, perfect bargain on Facebook so had to grab it). These weren’t hard, time consuming things to do.
No guest list, reception venue, transport, food, music sorted...... I just can’t imagine it’s that difficult to choose and then crack on - how people spend years planning a wedding is beyond me.......

Just pick the date that suits you and DP, it is literally ridiculous to plan around pregnancies that may or may not happen.

Would your friends plan their pregnancies around your wedding?

No disrespect but no one else will be planning their stuff around you. Your wedding is one day. ONE day. You sound a bit unhinged to be honest. If you want to get married just do it. It's utterly ridiculous planning around other people's possible pregnancies.

I think this something you can't plan for - no-one knows how quickly your friends will get pregnant, whether they will have textbook 40 week pregnancies or how they will feel afterwards.
I wouldn't worry too much about bridesmaids, in that their role can vary enormously- you could have different people fulfilling different parts of the role if one of them is a new mother or hugely pregnant.
None of us know how we'll react to pregnancy and childbirth, but I suspect your friend was fairly average. On the other hand, in some places where maternity leave is minimal, some people are back at work within a month.
\enjoy the wedding, have it when it suits you and your fiance, and hope everybody can attend. Try and build in flexibility ( eg bridesmaids maybe in different dresses but similar hues, so bumps can be accommodated; allow room for new mothers to have support ( someone to take the baby for them - nanny/their own mum). If it turns out any of them are nearing birth or have a new baby at the time of wedding, ask them what would help them, but bear in mind they may have to pull out at last minute. Make sure the venue is easy to travel to.

You are hugely overthinking this. You need to accept that this is out of your control and plan your wedding for when it suits you and your soon-to-be DH. I would be horrified if I though that my close friend was planning her wedding around my fertility; ttc can be stressful enough without the pressure of others trying to second-guess the timing.

This is crazy. You can't plan a wedding around possible pregnancies.
FYI I attended a wedding at 5 days post partum (after a traumatic birth and pumping every couple of hours).
It would be in pretty rare circumstances that your friends wouldn't be able to make it unless you have your wedding miles away or somewhere really unsuitable.

Oh I was also at her hen party at 7 days overdue - went into labour that evening actually.

I'd push ahead for march

Well put it another way,are they willing to put their life on hold for your wedding,

And would they plantheir special day around you.If the answers no,just plan what you and your dp like.Life has a way of getting in the way.

You could do all this planning around their hypothetical pregnancies and then something else might happen that would prevent them from attending your wedding. If you go for March they might have already booked a holiday abroad for that date so wouldn’t be able to come.

Don't plan around other people's pregnancies. It's too unpredictable. Do whatever dates work best for you.

If they are a really close friend then they will do everything they can to try and be there, but even if it turns out that they can't then life will go on. I'm about to give birth (I'm overdue) and I have accepted an invite to a friend's wedding happening in 2 weeks time. Ambitious? Yes. Impossible? No. I'm going to do my best to get there, but if I really can't then I know they will understand. It's just how life goes.

It's impossible to plan around every other guests possible eventualities life isn't like that.

I had an aunt and uncle who couldn't attend as uncle had a heart attack a couple weeks before wedding and was still recuperating and aunt understandably was caring for him, and we had an unexpected extra guest in the form of cousins early baby, due date was believed to make cousin 8.5 months on the day and baby turned up 3 weeks before wedding but baby was a good weight and healthy so they think due date was out by at least a week anyway.

Good time had by all.

Go for Autumn and be prepared to be flexible.

I also used to work in the industry and it's absolutely possible to get bridesmaid dresses for pregnant bridesmaids and venues can adjust menus and other factors until quite close to the day.

Certainly most weddings there are guests who end up not attending due to unexpected ill health or childcare or other caring arrangements fall through, as I say you just need to have a flexible approach, be considerate of guests needs and not be thrown by such things.

Having said all that I planned mine in 3 months! Traditional church wedding and on a budget, it can be done but you know yourself and fiancé and if it would be too stressful for you that's understandable.

IF you decided to go for March, don't hang about on arrangements, especially your dress as that can take several months to organise. But a pp is right that March is just before peak season so photographers etc might have more availability. Peak season is generally Easter to September.

"Why couldn't your friend leave the house for 6 weeks,? Such drama"
What an unnecessarily judgy comment! You have no idea of how the birth went or if the mother or baby were unwell, not everyone's births run smoothly! Mine didn't, traumatic Labour ending in emcs, dd and I both in hospital until 2 weeks after dd in scbu, me on treatments and recovering from c section which wasn't straightforward, both still not great for several weeks after we got home. Whereas the cousin at my wedding had a fairly straightforward birth despite it being something of a surprise, was home the same day and in fine fettle for the wedding.

Don't make plans around other people's potential pregnancies. Make them for you.