To try to plan wedding around friends’ pregnancies?

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Just in case: Daily Mail are scum.

DP and I are recently engaged We have both always imagined having a “proper” wedding - nothing fancy but all of our family and friends invited to a ceremony, sit down dinner and then dancing. This is partly because we love a good party so would love to throw one, but also mostly because we both love the idea of having all of our loved ones in the same place for a day and we are aware this is unlikely to happen otherwise.

Unfortunately, we are pretty much the last ones in our friendship groups and families to get married (met each other a bit later than would have liked to). The majority of our friends got married last year/this year and this means that lots of them are planning to get pregnant over the course of the next 12 months. In particular 3 of my closest, oldest friends, who I would want to be my bridesmaids (I was all of theirs) and who I would be gutted not to have there on the day, are likely to start trying in the next couple of months. This means due dates from end of July to Christmas next year assuming it doesn’t take them too long to conceive.

For work reasons DP and I can’t get married in April or May. We have found a venue we love (after a fair amount of searching for something suitable within our budget) but it has no availability from June-Aug next year. So that means getting married either in March, which feels very soon and like everything would be rushed (we haven’t picked anything yet) or in Sept/Oct/November, which would give us plenty of time but would mean it was very likely that at least one, if not all 3 of my closest friends would either miss the wedding entirely or really not enjoy it with a tiny baby to look after. We don’t want to wait until 2021 as we’re already a bit older than we would like and don’t want to put our life on hold.

DP would prefer to go with next autumn as he gets quite overwhelmed with rushed planning and trying to pack too much in. I agree with him that it would be a shame to rush one of the biggest days of our lives to fit around our friends’ life choices. But equally I would be devastated if my best friends missed the day (and it is likely that a lot of other guests would also be in a similar position). I can’t see the point in spending all the money and all the time planning an event for our loved ones only to have those who are most important to us missing it (although I am aware it might take them a while to conceive, it also might not!)

We are stumped. Has anyone else been in this position and if so what did you decide to do? Should we rush ahead and get everyone there but probably have a stressful lead up to the day? Or take things at our own pace but risk lots of no-shows including my closest, oldest friends?

WWYD?

Op this way madness lies. You are trying to cater for too many unpredictable variables. You will drive yourself nuts.

The fact you are even thinking this makes it sound like you are too anxious about the whole thing already.

Truly my advice (I have been thru my own wedding) is just de escalate the whole thing. It's not anyones day but yours and some people you care about might not make it but that doesn't matter.

@AmIRightOrAMeringue good point, I hadn’t thought of that.

@NoHummus I wouldn’t see it as “that’s just life” as the whole reason we want the wedding is to share the day with these people! If I knew in advance they definitely couldn’t make it then I wouldn’t hold the event at all and would spend the money on a house instead!

@Cookit thank you - those are very helpful suggestions.

@BeanBag7 thank you for those examples, that’s good to hear. It’s just we’ve now seen multiple people who have had terrible times at weddings with their baby just being really unhappy for the whole thing or them missing their baby too much if they’ve left it behind or just not being able to leave the house for ages due to birth injuries

But yes our venue does have lots of rooms on site so they could escape to their room if they were tired or their baby was unhappy.

Why couldn't your friend leave the house for 6 weeks,? Such drama. Just book it for whenever suits you best.

I do understand your thinking and it would be lovely if you could pick the right time but you simply can't. I chose a wedding date that was 2 days after a close friend's due date. She could not come and I did miss her. But I had several friends who attended pregnant or with babies. If I'd chosen another date, there would have been someone else who couldn't come. My advice is to pick the best time for you and DF and everything else will work around it.

March is plenty of time to arrange a wedding! The longer you have for the planning and build up the more stress!!!! You have done the hard bit and found a venue, the rest can be quickly sorted.

I got engaged the end of March and married in August. Church wedding, sit down reception and evening do - just do it!

You can’t I’m afraid. Some people fall pregnant straight away for others it takes a long time and 1/4 of pregnancies end in miscarriage.

Unfortunately we missed a wedding of DH’s friends as I went into labour in the day. Life goes on.

I just sorted our wedding in 5wks so March is plenty of time to be wedding ready!

This may be the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Book your wedding when you want, the rest will work itself out. Yes the people there are special but the day is for you and your new husband and the commitment you’re making. I’d be so miffed if my DP wanted to put off our wedding because so and so might have a new baby! The thing is, some couples could have trouble getting pregnant and then what? Do you delay because Sheila is having IVF? Annette had a miscarriage so we have to delay again. Gina is having twins so let’s just write off that half of the year. It’s nuts!

Just have your wedding. I was unexpectedly 4 months pregnant and my bridesmaid was unexpectedly 8 months pregnant. We both enjoyed ourselves!

We "horror of horrors" invited children and babies as most of our friends had small children/were pregnant/were ttc and it was a great day. Circumstances change and we were very open to a family day. I don't think any of the expectant mums or people with little children there found it stressful and certainly none of our child free friends or family had any issues

I would go for March, 6 months is plenty of time! I organised mine in 10 weeks. Everyone I know who plans their wedding has it all sorted I a month anyway then have to wait a year. March is low season so availability of other suppliers should be fine. Obviously no time for a custom dress but plenty of time for normal one

I’d do it in March. My experience is that wedding planning expands to fit the available time and people who have too long to plan drive themselves mad worrying about napkins and favours. Assuming you have an available venue, six months is plenty of time to plan a wedding.

2 of my bridesmaids were pregnant, one 32 weeks and the other 36 weeks. I didn't know either of them were trying when we set the date. You can't plan your life around what may or may not happen, it's impossible!

I turned down being a bridesmaid at my sister's wedding because I was just pregnant when she asked and a few days shy of 9months when she got married. I didn't want her to be let down on the day if I didn't make it. I did make it, and was a witness, which was very special and I felt honoured to be so (they had a back up witness too). Just giving you another option to involve your friends.

Please plan the wedding you want, in the timeframe you're comfortable with.

If I knew in advance they definitely couldn’t make it then I wouldn’t hold the event at all and would spend the money on a house instead!
Honesy if the marriage means that ittle to you just Thore a big party. You could easily do that for Jan / Feb time

Exactly what Waterrat said at 19:15:51

There is no way you can work around several people who "might" be pregnant or "might" have recently given birth. You clearly know very little about the reality of 'planning to have a baby' in terms of precise timings.
Whenever you have a wedding, there is always going to be the possibility of people you are really close to, not being able to make it - life is just like that sometimes.

All that said, there is plenty of time to organise a wedding before March (especially as that is not in the busy season for weddings), if that is what you want. Putting it 'back' into next Autumn is not going to make it more likely your friends aren't near any due dates. You really are being very naive.

I messaged the registrar very end of April this year, got married last Friday , 3 1/2 months of planning and it was amazing.

Wed2b is a brilliant shop you can just walk in and get a dress and walk out with it. Very cheap as well.

Book your wedding for when you want it. If they want to be there they will! I was bridesmaid to my best friend 4 days after giving birth. There was no way I would have missed it. We just left earlier.

I’d book it for March. That’s plenty of time.
Seriously - get venue and registrar booked.
Dress - depending on how posh a shop you want, they’ll expect you to have ordered it about now, others only a few months in advance.
Flowers, car, food, invitations, cake, hair, makeup- these don’t take long to decide on.
Don’t over plan as afterwards you’ll be bereft and have too much time on your hands.

Aside from the pregnancies I spent 18 months planning my wedding and it was too long; I ended up re-planning stuff 12-8 weeks before! The venue dressers I’d excitedly booked a year earlier were clearly heading into administration and the florist ended up being shite so I sacked them and re-booked! I would hugely recommend booking March; it’s actually the perfect amount of time, not too rushed but also not too long to anticipate and stress. Also you may get some winter discounts!

This is bonkers! Does your fiancé know that having your friends being able to attend is more important to you than actually marrying him?

No one is even pregnant yet? You cannot plan a wedding around when someone might or might not conceive. That is bonkers, unless you want to wait 20 years to get married. Just plan the wedding.

Don't try and plan for this, you can't. My friend was pregnant when we sorted our date but gave birth 7 weeks prematurely so missed the day obviously. You never know how long it takes to ttc or if someone may miscarry.

Best to arrange your date and hope. I very much doubt (at least i hope not) that they'd put ttc on hold for your wedding.

We planned our wedding in five months. It makes you make decisions and focus.

My suggestion would be to decide Where you want to go for a honeymoon and let that be the decider whether to get married in March or the autumn, depending on the best time of year for your chosen destination.
You can’t possibly choose a date for all the what ifs and just in cases as there are other factors apart from 3 potential pregnancies which may have an effect by the time the date comes around.
If you choose the later date you’ll only end up leaving lots of the organising for a while because you have over a year to plan, so you’ll probably end up doing all the nitty gritty stuff in a similar timescale to you choosing the March date, I bet.

We got engaged in an August, many moons ago.
And married in March the following year.
Most of my parents generation wondered why we were taking soooooo loooooonnnnnggg.
We had a glorious cold, crisp, sunny day.