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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you for your drink-driving experiences

61 replies

smokeytoby · 22/08/2019 11:38

Has anyone here been impacted by drink driving?

Lost a loved one to a drink driver? Had someone close to them drive whilst under the influence?

Without going into detail, I need some real accounts of how drink driving impacts lives to show to someone close to myself.

Thank you in advance.

OP posts:
Thingsdogetbetter · 22/08/2019 11:47

Passenger in a car with a drunk driver when I was 17. Nearly killed the person in the other car. Watched them being stretchered off to the ambulance was one of the worse experiences of my life. I never get in the car if someone has been drinking. Never! It's immoral, selfish, stupid and deserves the strongest legal punishment possible. If they won't listen then report them. Before they kill someone.

Diagonalli · 22/08/2019 11:48

smokeytoby - have someone close to you that is a regular drink driver?

ThePolishWombat · 22/08/2019 11:55

Two friends from school, when we were 18. Rear-ended at a junction by a drunk driver. Female friend died on impact. Male friend who was driving died a week later in hospital.

Jebuschristchocolatebar · 22/08/2019 11:55

Look up the Road Safety Authority (Ireland) campaign called crashed lives. They run a tv add on channels here and there a true life story of a 4 year old boy killed by drink driver. I think his name is Ciaran Treacy. I have to turn the add over every time it comes on because it is heart wrenching.

Babdoc · 22/08/2019 11:57

OP, if someone you know is drinking and driving, you have a moral duty to report them to the police, before they kill or injure some innocent other road user.
I’m a retired doctor who has had to see the results of drink related RTAs, and they’re grim. A dead teenager with a tree branch impaled in their head through the windscreen, a 20 year old on a ventilator in ITU with a flail chest after driving on an icy road following 12 pints of lager, a man with multiple fractures after drunkenly driving his Land Rover into a rock face, are just some of them.
How would you feel if you said nothing and the “person close to you” does something like this?

Blondiecub0109 · 22/08/2019 11:59

A very close family friend was killed by a drunk driver 25 years ago and it’s like a bomb went off on their family they are still reeling from

He was picking up his 17 y o daughter from her school prom - so just before her A levels. He also left behind a 20 y o daughter who was pregnant - he never met any of his 4 grandchildren or his now great grandchild.

The daughter in the car did eventually learn to drive but suffers from anxiety driving which has limited her career choices. She has seizures afterwards.

His wife has never met anyone else, he was the love of her life.

MmmBlowholes · 22/08/2019 12:04

Journalist?

Original poster
smokeytoby · 22/08/2019 12:17

I'm not a journalist I can assure you of that, I don't wish to divulge personal details, but I can also assure you that the situation is being dealt with appropriately. I don't know a drink driver, but someone I know considered driving after a drink, they didn't but I need to show them how serious their actions could have been if they chose to do so.

OP posts:
Vinosaurus · 22/08/2019 12:18

Arsehole boyfriend picked me up from a night out and had, unbeknown to me, been drinking. Wouldn't stop the car when I realised and even sped up on the winding country roads we were on, asked if I was scared yet ... then promptly crashed into a tree. Very quiet roads but a van of squaddies on their way back from a night out to their barracks stopped and insisted on taking me to hospital (boyfriend and his mate in the back were unscathed), he flat out refused to let me go with them and they gave us all a lift back to his house instead (with him promising them he'd look after me), he then dumped me on his parent's sofa and went to bed. Police (who had found his abandoned car - suspect the squaddies tipped them off, thank god) turned up at the house a few hours later to find me in agony and being yelled at by his mother (who hated me - god knows why - and managed to point the blame at me for her son's drink driving). They called an ambulance and I was treated for a broken leg. He was charged with drink driving and leaving the scene, naive 17yr old me even went to court with him (with a full leg cast) to show my support, he got a ban and a fine - fortunately I came to my senses not long after and dumped the abusive twat (this is one of many stories).

Feel very fortunate it was only a broken leg (and a couple of years of being terrified of being in a car).

HotChocolateLover · 22/08/2019 12:18

My ex-husband, twice. First time, can’t remember much about the details but he was fined a small amount and banned for a year. Second time, fined more and banned for 40 months. We had separated by then and I still saw him around driving! It was ideal though as he had basically nicked my car and I was using my maintenance to pay the finance so when he dramatically wrote it off by flipping it over into a ditch the insurance paid out in full. Voila, no more repayments!

inboxmayhem · 22/08/2019 12:20

My now 10 year sober DM had 3 drink driving charges, 3rd time she was jailed for 9 weeks.

The impact this had on us as a family was devastating, it also didn't get her sober, thankfully she did 18months after and is now 10 years sober

Hairsprayqueeen · 22/08/2019 12:26

I know someone who killed their best friend (passenger) after drink driving after a night out. 10 years in prison and now out, still has counselling for what they did. I can only imagine the impact on the victims family , they were only in their twenties :(

Greywalls12 · 22/08/2019 12:28

Not impacted me personally. But i was a nurse working when a mother came in from being hit by a drunk driver. She was a pedestrian and she was pinned up against a wall by the car. Massive abdo laceration, I'm surprised she made the ambulance ride to hospital. She unfortunately died, leaving behind her young children and husband.
Thankfully the driver got a long prison sentence.

Original poster
smokeytoby · 22/08/2019 12:29

Thank you all for the replies so far, I really appreciate it.

OP posts:
Rainbowshine · 22/08/2019 12:36

A 24 year old woman who had recently married, and about to join our company. She was celebrating getting the job with husband and a drunk driver, already banned for a previous offence, drove at them at 70 in a 30 zone in a town centre street. He was killed, they’d been married a month. If that wasn’t bad enough she suffered life changing injuries and was not able to work for some time. We held her role open for her but after a few months she withdrew saying she needed to focus on healing and grieving. The driver had driven off after the impact but the driver’s friends reported her to the police as they’d had enough of her behaviour related to the drinking. Driver was unapologetic and pleaded not guilty in court but got found guilty and received prison sentence. Total waste of three young lives and the impact on their families was unspeakable.

BishopofBathandWells · 22/08/2019 12:38

Someone I knew from school. Run off the road by a drunk driver. Trapped in the car. His daughter managed to escape. Drunk driver drove off, left the daughter to watch her father burn to death in his car. Anyone who drives drunk should be banned from driving for life and imprisoned. It's sickening.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 22/08/2019 12:39

I was a Nurse in a former life and I briefly looked after a woman who had tried to end her life by taking an OD (she lived but buggered up her liver) because she had killed a teenage boy by hitting him with her car while under the influence of alcohol. She had been to dinner with friends, gotten "a bit tipsy" but thought she was fine to drive as it was only a few minutes to her house and she felt fine. She lost her career, her home, her friends, her marriage broke down and in her words "it's no more than I deserve". When I met her several years had passed but she was still so haunted by the guilt. Basically, she hated herself and there was little anyone could say or do to help her come to terms with what she had done because it was her fault and there was simply no getting around that. She wouldn't accept any help from the Mental Health Team anyway, she didn't want help, she just wanted to be dead. I have no idea what happened to her but I'd be surprised if she was still alive.

Slightly less dramatic but my parents had a neighbour who was convicted for drink driving. He was a nice man, in his 50's, very straight-laced, very shy, not someone you would expect to every drink and drive. He wasn't an alcoholic, actually he rarely drank. It was the week before Christmas and he had been to lunch with his adult DD. He had a couple of glasses of wine (I assume large glasses!), didn't realise he was over the limit. Got pulled over (random checks, nothing to do with his driving) and breathalized and was shocked at the result. Begged them to repeat it thinking it must be a mistake. He got banned from driving which led to him using his job. His career never recovered (he had to take a mucb lower paying job that he was massively overqualified for) and neither did the family's finances. They eventually got into debt and had to sell their house. His wife was devestated as she loved their home and it was where they had raised their DC. I don't know if their marriage survived or not as obviously they moved away.

In conclusion, it's not fucking worth it!

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 22/08/2019 12:39

Journo?

TheBadCop · 22/08/2019 12:41

well, drink driving kills and wrecks lives. you don't need personal accounts of internet strangers to show someone how hugely irresponsible this is. the only decent and meaningful thing to do, is to report them if you have concerns.

Just have a google for news articles about drink driving and the devastating consequences. you will find plenty. I really don't understand the point of this thread.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 22/08/2019 12:42

losing his job, sorry

Original poster
smokeytoby · 22/08/2019 12:43

As I have previously stated above, not a journalist, just someone trying to help a friend who considered making a very bad decision, I want to show them the potential consequences if they had decided to drink and drive.

OP posts:
Siameasy · 22/08/2019 12:45

Two people I know. Person one got away with hip flask defence the first time. Second time they lost their job as well as a ban
Other person got a ban so their wife had to ferry them around everywhere so obv that pissed her off as he was useless without car eg picking up kids etc. She’s probably a nicer wife than me cos I think it’d be “shanks’ pony” if my DH did that.

Milkcup · 22/08/2019 12:47

My friends nephew was hit a few weeks ago on a night out by a drunk 21 year old with 5 passengers. Paralysed from the waist down now. Only 20. He was lucky to survive but what kind of life is he living now?

MamaGee09 · 22/08/2019 12:52

My aunt got into a car with a drunk driver when she was early 20’s and ended up in a serious crash, she had over 200 stitches on her face and she has had over 40 operations for facial construction and plastic surgery and the mental scars have left her a bitter , angry woman,

I would never get into a car with anyone who has had a drink and have told both my children not to either.

BelgianWhistles · 22/08/2019 12:57

I have a friend who was drink driving, crashed and killed his girlfriend. He survived and served jail time for it. He’s been out for a few years now but has to live with that guilt every single day.

The person close to you needs to realise that their actions could very easily take away the life of somebody else. If they won’t stop for themselves, stop for their potential future victims, and those who have their loved ones taken away from them. Imagine living with that for the rest of your life.