DC due close to Xmas visiting family

[user5859503]

For context every year we spend Xmas morning/afternoon at my mums. So I know it would feel strange for us not to be there. However I am due my DC four days before Xmas. I know I could go over/be early etc so this may be irrelevant. (I had DS a week before my due date).
Had a conversation with my mum yesterday. Saying you are coming over on Xmas day aren't you? I replied just saying will obviously have to judge the situation when the time comes. As we know all having a baby isn't necessarily straight forward. With my DS I remember not wanting to leave the house and having a horrid bout of mastitis in the first couple of weeks and just generally feeling sore.
Sister then gets involved and they both basically imply they can't understand unless I'm in labour on Xmas day why I wouldn't be coming. Or at the very least if I won't come I should drop DS off.
AIBU? I'm not saying I won't be going and obviously hope to be. Also AIBU in saying unless I was in labour on Xmas day I wouldn't be dropping DS off as I would want to be spending Xmas day with my own DS?
They would obviously be welcome to visit me.

YANBU. It's only one year and they can come see you for a few hours if possible. And bring food.
I was in hospital with my five week old one Christmas, other five week old at home.
My dad drove over with my Christmas dinner.

They are being massively unreasonable. I think I would be putting an end to this 'tradition' of going to DM's. You put yourself and your little family first, and DM and DSis need to get used to it.

Good grief. When they say they don’t understand why you couldn’t come, tell them it’s because you don’t want to.

You are entirely within your rights to say you'll play it by ear! If you've had the baby in the few days before Christmas, you probably won't feel like getting in a car (if that's what you need to do) and travelling elsewhere. If you're overdue, or have had the baby earlier and feel well enough to go, great! It also depends how far away from your house they are and how much effort it would take.

I would just ignore the moaning.

I'm due on the 19th and I am totally anticipating the same conversation with my in laws!

1 SIL didn't speak to me over one Christmas period because it was my first Christmas without my DM so DH and I had lunch at home, and then we both visited them all at BIL's house in the evening. She couldn't understand why I might want to be at home for lunch!

Other SIL who is hosting Christmas Day is more than happy to play it by ear (and plate up mine/our lunch) should we be at home or in hospital! (Thankfully!)

At what point to these parents (OP's parents, not OP) set their adult children free at Christmas??

Every year I read these threads and it's so sad that grown people are not allowed to do what they want on Christmas day.

Sorry, as you were...

If they actually gave a shit about you, they’d drop you a dinner round and say “don’t get up, here’s your dinner, do you need anything?”. But they won’t because it’s not about you! They don’t care I’m afraid. Speaking from bitter experience. From your update also it’s very familiar. It’s bizarre how a person EBF-Ing their own baby bothers controlling people so very much! My family all lost their minds about me being quiet and dedicated to my first baby. This type of narc family will start to panic when you start wriggling out of their grip.

How far is it? Assuming the birth went ok and it's under 30 mins away the arriving 30 mins before dinner and leaving an hour after is very doable and solves the "meeting the baby" situation as well. But if it's a long drive then it's a different scenario

(Should qualify my opinion to say I had two easy births and popped to asda on my way home from the hospital, I know I'm not typical but not everyone is exhausted)

Hahahaha NO you are not. I am due 22nd Dec and I'm doing f nothing for Xmas this year! Not going out, no one is coming over.

They are mad. Ignore them. Plan to stay home.

I'm due in late January and will not be visiting (mad) family at Christmas

yANBU at all. Ds was 3 weeks old for his first Christmas and we turned up nearly 2 hrs late to my mums, the day just didn’t go as planned and my mum was very patient saying it’s ok don’t worry, we’ll have dinner when you get here, there is really no rush at all.

Why can’t your mum be more understanding, personally it would make me say well we aren’t coming if you are both going to act like that.

They’re mad! You don’t know what the situation will be at that time, just tell them that you’re going to play it by ear and will make a decision when you know what’s going on and how you feel.

I had a baby on 22nd December.No way i would be going anywhere,

Tell them no.But look at changing having Christmas at theirs,Start a new tradition.Staying at yours.

I think that they obviously want to have you all around at Xmas. I think this is normal. From experience unless going to see them involved excessive travel or you were in labour then I would be going. It would be better for your dc to be entertained and you can put your feet up. I had my dc 6 days before Xmas. My parents were here when she was born and left Xmas eve (they live abroad). My dh, dc and I travelled on Xmas day to spend it with my in laws. I'm a big Xmas person and did not want to spend it isolated from family. It was 1.5 hr journey each way. I didn't have to cook (or drive) and spent the day bf'ing on the armchair.

'they were quite demanding and hated the fact I ebf him'

Not going off the point at all - sounds like they are controlling.
Put your foot down at Christmas and carry on keeping healthy boundaries. Your family comes first.

Not everyone is fit enough to undertake travel 4 days after due date, assuming baby has arrived.

And the OP'S posts give me the distinct impression that the mum and sister are interested in what they want, not what OP wants, or what might be in her best interests.

And this is all assuming a relatively trouble free birth. OP could have a CS, or all sorts of complications that could m as ke loo eaving t JC e house a problem.

My advice would be to stay at home in your own comfy surroundings.

Fat fingers strike again.

That sentence should be "make leaving the house a problem."

Yanbu, shrug, smile and say 'I hope you'll be dropping by to see me on Christmas day!'

Dd was due Xmas eve. I hosted for ils and cooked the dinner!
Dd arrived new year's eve.
Remember you can sit around being waited on and showing off your baby if it is here!

YANBU!
And I’m sorry they were so unsupportive after the birth of your first. It’s not you it’s them.
Insisting a new mother hands over the goods is not “helping” unless that is what the mother says would be helpful. Helpful is not guilting you if you aren’t up to visits or visiting. Offering help with bringing food round or household chores.
They sound a bit crap. Don’t go.

I had my second a few days after christmas. He was due Jan 1st.

We said anyone who wanted to come to us for Christmas day was welcome to come over after lunch for cake and a cuppa. They were welcome to stay as long as they liked. We figured this would be fine even if baby was days old. Perhaps we would have rethought if we had literally just got out of hospital, but my family would have understood.

I made it very clear I was not hosting lunch. It was just me, DH and DS1 for lunch. We only bought the lunch the day before as I didn't want to plan too much in advance.

We decided that if I was in labour on Xmas day then the inlaws would have DS1 for as normal a Christmas as poss and we would have our own family Xmas when I returned. We didn't need this back up plan but I did go into labour boxing day morning, so it was close!

I would just laugh it off and say 'we just can't make plans can we! We have no idea what will be happening. I know it's difficult but we will just have to play it by ear. If I'm still pregnant, of course I'll come. If baby is here, we won't, but you'll be welcome to pop in if it's convenient. But wether it will be convenient or not we just don't know and that's how it is.'

Maybe you could suggest a family do in January when you can invite everyone to you? A second Christmas!

I had the same due date and gave birth on boxing day. As my first dd was born on her due date I had assumed I would have had the baby by Xmas day and I didn't want to spend the day with parents or PIL with a newborn (various reasons based upon my knowledge of my families behaviour where babies are concerned) so I was very firm that we were staying at home Xmas day this year but was a bit more vague about saying I'd try and pop round and see people before Xmas day/after or pop round in the afternoon if still pregnant and feeling up to it. I tried to sell it on the basis that I didn't want family spending money on food for us given that we couldn't say with any certainty that we'd be there. I had a lovely peaceful Xmas morning until I went into labour in the afternoon .

It was my parents 'turn' to have us last year and my dm did try and guilt trip me afterwards with the whole 'Xmas was so boring this year with no children around' but, tough, it's one year. I like a bit of peace and quiet and barely left the house for the first two weeks after the baby was born which was lovely. I did far too much gallivanting around to please others when dd1 was born and I didn't want a repeat of that with dd2.

Yanbu. I was due on the 22nd last year and my mum just could not get it into her head that we wouldn't be making any plans and continued to ask every other day from september onwards what we were doing and trying to force me into agreeing to go to theirs and saying things like oh I know you said you don't know what you're doing but you can come here and there will be dinner no pressure! As if constantly hassling someone about something and then adding no pressure means there is no pressure. We ended up going to hers. And I also ended up giving birth on Christmas day.