To think we should try harder with DS's food?

[MamaOomMowWow]

Our baby is about to turn 1. We are a vegan family (nb we are planning to do it responsibly and see a nutritionist shortly to make sure we are getting DS all the nutrients he needs) so we cannot just rely on pouches/ready-made baby meals as there are only a few suitable age-appropriate ones at the local supermarket.

DH, who will be a SAHD when I go back to work shortly, doesn't see the harm in feeding DS lots of processed food at every meal - eg ready-made veggie burgers, veggie sausages etc. as long as they are not too high in salt. I think some lightly processed food is OK (eg soy yogurt) but it would generally be better if we gave DS home-cooked meals from scratch at the moment rather than always relying on frozen burgers as we might as well give him healthy food whilst he is not too fussy. I'm not saying never give him a burger but I don't think it should be something that we do every day.

I want DH to take charge of the cooking as he will be the SAHD but I want him to feed DS properly and have offered to assist in any way I can (eg help batch cooking) when I'm not working. I am genuinely not sure if I am being unreasonable in suggesting to DH that we should really be making DS proper food from scratch rather than always relying on food from packets.

More generally to try and avoid drip-feeding, DH's cooking is always very reliant on processed food - normally some kind of fake meat with some veg on the side. I don't really like this way of eating and since we started dating have either been eating DH's way and gaining a lot of weight (and not really enjoying the food that much tbh) or on a diet and making my own food. DH doesn't think his way of eating is unhealthy but he currently spends 2+ hours every day working out so that he doesn't gain weight (I think it's going to be a struggle for him to fit that in when I go back to work but that's another matter...)

Hmmm...

I'm wondering if he's just not listening to you OP as he eats the ready made stuff and says he's OK on it. Maybe the dietician will be able to get through to him that it's not good for DC?

I agree that the debate is really processed vs unprocessed - and it’s one that I have with my DH on a regular basis. I was brought up skint and cooking from scratch whereas he lived on a largely beige diet until I moved in! I do most of the cooking so try not to moan about his occasional processed offerings but if he was catering for the kids every day we’d need to come to an agreement - nurseries pitch themselves on healthy, unprocessed meals, your DC should get the same at home.

dads are just lazier

Nice.

Make sure DH goes along to meet the dietician. Maybe he’ll take it from someone other than you?

It's not the being vegan that's the problem - it's the baby's father being happy to eat shit and feed it to his child.

My eldest's father was like that, albeit vegetarian. He didn't like vegetables. Or pasta. Or rice. Or fruit. Or herbs or spices. He liked huge bowls of porridge made with milk and sugar, chips, vegetarian sausage rolls and cheese sandwiches. Nothing else, except fried meat substitutes.

DD inevitably got into the sort of things he made - but being used to meat substitutes made her an enthusiastic carnivore as soon as she had her first taste of meat. She was lactose intolerant, so chose for herself to avoid dairy.

Perhaps suggesting that getting the baby to like processed substitutes for meat/cheese/egg will make him more likely to enjoy animal products would make Dad's decision to make the effort to cook an easier one?

I think this is tricky, because your aims are not unreasonable, but I do think it's a bit much to expect somebody else to carry out your wishes for you, especially as being a SAHP is a huge job in itself. The point is kind of that you don't get to decide how he manages things when you're at work, just as he doesn't get to decide what job you do as long as you're bringing in money (and not doing something illegal or something).

Everyone has their own level of energy, patience, etc and if he's decided that cooking from scratch takes up too much of his then it's not really on for you to insist he does it another way. Assuming that you're generally happy with the level of care he gives DS, it probably is just a case of accepting you have very different priorities. (But that your DS benefits from that in other ways than nutritionally - maybe from just seeing that different approaches exist).

However I do think there's mileage in the compromise that you'll help do some of the work e.g. batch cooking at weekends.

I still don’t get why the OP is the one expected to do batch cooking at weekends. How many dad’s to the same for SAHMs. I bet a tiny, tiny number. Being a SAHP is a luxury for most people and part of the role is doing some cooking.

I dont think anyone should rely heavily on processed foods I'd they can help it. He needs to look into getting some recipes, watching some cooking shows or looking at YouTube clips. Hes gonna have the time so no excuse

Everyone has their own level of energy, patience, etc and if he's decided that cooking from scratch takes up too much of his then it's not really on for you to insist he does it another way

Sorry but that's bollocks really when it comes to the food your child eats. The OP has as much say in it as she does in whether the dad should have enough time and energy to put the child in a car seat when driving or whether he supervises the cold in the swimming pool.

*The child

Aside from the level of processed food and salt, my understanding is that boys shouldn't have too much soy products such as quorn as it can interfere with testosterone levels. We only let our boys have it once a week. This was advice from a nutritionist so maybe worth asking your dietitian when you see them.

aqua that's a very ignorant post. Why do you think its anything weird to gain weight as a vegan?

A lot of people only go vegan because of the sheer amount of processed vegan crap available (it’s possible to get your vegan credentials by living on biolife and oreos!). That’s why you’re gaining weight - the diet is crap and if you let your DP continue to control it your DC’s diet will also be crap. I suggest you give your DP an ultimatum - if he’s unwilling to make nutritious meals then he pays for a nursery / child care option where you can purchase it.

@Somertime - East Asian diets are based on soy and yet people there have one of the highest birth rates in the world. Also, Quorn contains mycoprotein (ie mushroom protein) and not soy. Think before you spout rubbish like this.

This aside, do you think he is otherwise suited to being a SAHP op?

I am genuinely not sure if I am being unreasonable in suggesting to DH that we should really be making DS proper food from scratch rather than always relying on food from packets.

Really?

I must say I'm doubtful if parents as clueless as both of these appear to be, one way or the other, should be bringing up a child on such a restrictive diet that requires a lot of thought.

This aside, do you think he is otherwise suited to being a SAHP op. I'd be interested to know this too OP.

I'd be worried about the salt in take using ready made food at that age.

What is the salt level of the food your DH is proposing?