To think we should try harder with DS's food?

[MamaOomMowWow]

Our baby is about to turn 1. We are a vegan family (nb we are planning to do it responsibly and see a nutritionist shortly to make sure we are getting DS all the nutrients he needs) so we cannot just rely on pouches/ready-made baby meals as there are only a few suitable age-appropriate ones at the local supermarket.

DH, who will be a SAHD when I go back to work shortly, doesn't see the harm in feeding DS lots of processed food at every meal - eg ready-made veggie burgers, veggie sausages etc. as long as they are not too high in salt. I think some lightly processed food is OK (eg soy yogurt) but it would generally be better if we gave DS home-cooked meals from scratch at the moment rather than always relying on frozen burgers as we might as well give him healthy food whilst he is not too fussy. I'm not saying never give him a burger but I don't think it should be something that we do every day.

I want DH to take charge of the cooking as he will be the SAHD but I want him to feed DS properly and have offered to assist in any way I can (eg help batch cooking) when I'm not working. I am genuinely not sure if I am being unreasonable in suggesting to DH that we should really be making DS proper food from scratch rather than always relying on food from packets.

More generally to try and avoid drip-feeding, DH's cooking is always very reliant on processed food - normally some kind of fake meat with some veg on the side. I don't really like this way of eating and since we started dating have either been eating DH's way and gaining a lot of weight (and not really enjoying the food that much tbh) or on a diet and making my own food. DH doesn't think his way of eating is unhealthy but he currently spends 2+ hours every day working out so that he doesn't gain weight (I think it's going to be a struggle for him to fit that in when I go back to work but that's another matter...)

As the SAHP, it is really down to him what he feeds your DS whilst you're at work

Er they’re both parents and one does not have the monopoly over the diet.

Imagine if the SAHP was feeding turkey twizzlers etc! That’s the equivalent here.

As it is OP, I would be wary of a vegan diet for a growing child in these circumstances because, quite simply, it takes a lot of effort and planning to ensure that a full balance is achieved. I’d be more wary than if it was a vegetarian diet for example.

I believe humans were meant to eat meat, just not in the vast damaging quantities that we do. Avoiding such an important food group is a choice which can result in malnourishment.

I would get a dietician appointment sooner rather than later to be honest and both of you attend.

Vegan dc here.
Just a bit of both really (processed vs non processed). Kids wont eat what icook for them sometimes. And sometimes i am too tired to cook for them.
As long as you feed your kids the right amount of protein, calcium, iron,b12 and the list goes on; they will be ok. My dc are the healthiest kids in my group of friends and the tallest.

And yes... salt.... that is a thing. But iv seen plenty of kids eating mcdonalds and fries etc on regular account
And they are all still alive . Not saying it is thr healthiest haha
But there is a balance. And there should be

If you want your kid to eat all the things you want : batch cook ! And then all your dh has to do is get it out of the freezer/fridge.

Because I was the one at home with DD at the time, I made the decision to bring her up as veggie - I'm not actually veggie myself but DH is. But it would have been wrong for him to make that decision not being the one at home with her, and he would never have said anything had I decided to bring her up omnivore. So I do think that the SAHP gets a greater say.

Having said that, your DH needs to sharpen his ideas up. Personally, I would be concerned that if he's happy to feed his DS a diet of processed foods, what else is he happy to do? Stick the baby in front of the TV all day?

I used to batch cook toddlers portions and freeze them in washed out large adult yogurt pots so portion size was right. Perhaps do thos for toddlers lunch then agree on evening meal you can all eat so meal hos way one night and yours the next

How much does your dh really want to be vegan? How much does he really want to be a SAHD? Feeding your dc properly is pretty basic normally but being vegan adds a layer of complexity to it and tbh he doesn't sound terribly bothered about doing it well. When are you seeing the dietician?

Dh was a sahd through circumstances and had never cooked so usually I left babies lunch in microwave night before - batch cooked.

Then I'd leave all the ingredients out for him to make dinner with simple to follow recipe.

So you could start him with veggie spag bol made with quorn mince as it's just a few ingredients - make big batch and can use half as a base for chilli. Then lovely easy veg curry - pataks curry paste pots are dead easy to use. Stir fry with lots yummy nuts.

I started dh off slowly with five basic meals he could make with straight forward instructions. After couple weeks he was flying then I'd introduce another couple of meals. Eventually we meal planned the month and dh would cook each night.

DH's cooking is always very reliant on processed food - since we started dating have either been eating DH's way and gaining a lot of weight or on a diet and making my own food
As a side point so why haven't YOU been cooking meals since you got together?
What has baby been weaned on over the last 6 months? Is DH still cooking the dinner once he's home?

It just sounds incredibly late to be tackling all of this!
I'd get a basics vegan cook book and get him to help you batch cook some meals in the time you've got left so he can see how easy it is then he'll have some back up meals and some ideas for simple meals he can do. Do that periodically so you're both cooking together, freeze them so he has pre cooked half the week and can add simple meals the rest of the week. Where possible eat the same at baby

I think it is very difficult to be healthy if you're a junk food vegan. I'm vegan myself and have to work hard at getting the right balance. Very occasionally I might eat something processed like vegan cheese or a vegan burger, but generally I try to eat a whole food diet as far as possible. Lots of whole grains (although apparently you should be careful of them in young children as they can be very filling leading them to not eat enough of other foods), beans, lentils, nuts, seeds, fruit and veg.

How about getting an Instant Pot? I can make a giant batch of vegan chilli (obviously v mild for the baby), bolognaise or stew with a total of 10 minutes active input. There are some really easy recipes, and you could even buy frozen pre chopped veg like diced onions and garlic to make it really easy for him.

We’re vegan, well actually thats a lie, we eat egg about once a month.

I very rarely buy ready made things like vegetable fish fingers etc, they’re expensive, lack flavour and generally contain too much salt. But they’re fine as an occasional thing.

Rissotto is a good one, super easy, requires very little attention, just shove all the liquid in, put it on a low heat and leave it twenty minutes, you don’t need to stand and stir.

I always make too much dinner, then the next day we have the left overs in a roti, so I never really have to make lunch as such.

Frozen veg is fab, no chopping, doesn’t go off, the cubes of frozen spinach are great, we add them to virtually anything.

So far this week we have had
Multi bean chilli with brown rice
Veg curry with white rice
Roasted veg with roasted skin on potatoes smothered in harissa
Black bean stew with courgettes

I’m a single working parent, I don’t spend more than thirty minutes making any meal. They may take longer than that to cook, but don’t need actual supervision e.g roasted veg.

Does your DH want to be vegan, his diet sounds crap.

Second the suggestion of batch cooking a lot of healthy meals and freezing in baby sized portions. Things like bean chilli, lentil bolognese, veggie moussaka and then DH can just cook some pasta/cous cous/ rice and defrost a portion to go with it.

The Ella's Kitchen recipe books were great for weaning. Some of the recipes are vegan/veggie or can be very easily changed to be vegan by removing cheese or replacing meat with meat-free alternatives. They're all designed to be a batch cooked and frozen.

Young toddlers, Vegan or not, should not have processed junk except on rare occasions eg family bbq. Sausages in particular and high in salt and vegan processed food actually has far more additives and flavouring to make it palatable. I would suggest an urgent visit to a specialist dietician because it's incredibly hard to give a child a healthy vegan diet unless you are 100% committed, every meal needs to count because protein tends to be lower per meal for instance. It's also essential to have lots of tricks up your sleeve for the inevitable fussy toddler stage, you won't be able to rely on home made chicken nuggets, chips and peas every night like I did at times. All but one of the vegans I know gave their kids dairy until 8 or so, the one pure vegan family I know have adult children now but they are tiny, shorter than their parents, and always were sickly, not sure if they ever got health advice regarding diet

Does DH really want to be a vegan?

Yes, I think he even feels more strongly about it than me.

Has your ds only been eating pouches and processed food up until now?!

No. I've been doing most of the cooking. Things like home made baked beans with toast, bean mash, hummus, lentil bake, Quorn with potato, mushroom and broccoli (the unsalted Quorn chunks are suitable from 10 months), tofu scramble, unsweetened soy yogurt and fruit, ready brek (not strictly vegan as it has some vegetarian vitamin D in it, but we have agreed to give it to him anyway). I had a bit of fortified nooch to the savoury meals for B12. I'm no Nigella Lawson but it's decent compared to DH's meals.

I thought i was fairly relaxed about food but I'd never give a child that stuff regularly, let alone as young as one year old!! I'm a meat eater and i make stuff like a v mild lentil dhal type thing with spinach and coconut milk which is vegan. My kids love it.
He needs to be making proper food, it's so so important.

And unfortunately catering is a very big part of being a sahp, like it or not...

When I was vegan I rarely ate fake meats, mostly because it was expensive for the vegan stuff (no quorn was vegan back then and barely any is now tbf).

I ate tofu, lentils, beans and veggies for protein. You don’t need to eat fake meat and I don’t think it’s very healthy for a toddler.

Once babies and toddlers get a taste for pre prepared and processed food (vegan or otherwise) its really hard to wean them onto home cooked food so I would try and encourage as much scratch cooked food as poss. Agree that batch cooking is the way to go. No harm in the odd burger or sausage sometimes though.

YABU no child should be vegan. Vegetarian is fine. If your dh is not prepared to go the extra mile for what is essentially your and your husbands vanity project (after all your ds hasn't chosen to be given such a restricted diet) then don't do it. Your baby will end up sick and under developed.

Shut this down if I’m totally wrong here but is there an element of veganism as a control thing. The 2 hours of working out a day and you mentioning being on a diet while being vegan sound quite restrictive.

You will have to work really hard to get everything your toddler needs as you’re well aware and if he isn’t prepared to do that then I don’t think it’s fair for you to be bringing up the child as a vegan. That much processed stuff will take him well above salt level and he won’t be getting what he needs.

Vegan children can be perfectly healthy but I’ve seen the effort that some of my friends have gone to to achieve that. I don’t think they’d have gone down that path unless they were fully committed to prioritising good food. I’ve also seen how some of my friends with CMPA babies have really struggled cutting out dairy and how much easier their lives were when they went through the milk ladder both in terms of meals but also enjoying life with their children.

I agree with PPs that to be a SAHP you need to know how to plan, shop and prepare meals for your DC - that's part of the job! So, like any other job, he needs to learn.

I'm not really sure what more you can do op. You must have discussed this with him and if he doesn't see any problem in giving your 1 year old a lot of processed rubbish then all you can do is pre prepare all of his food yourself and leave it to be re heated. Maybe the dietician will get through to him, when are you meeting with them? Tbh alongside the 2 hours a day at the gym he's going to have (how does he do that now ?)I'm not sure he's really thought through what it is to be a good SAHP.

Hi OP

YANBU. Once you get your son hooked on veggie burgers etc he wont want to eat anything else. It's so much easier when you have a child who isn't a fussy eater so when you go out you can just give them something from your plate etc. The difference is with your husband is that he will presumably also eat whole foods. If you mainly give your baby processed stuff, whole foods will become alien to them. Kids just seem to love that stuff. I give my daughter veggie fingers etc occasionally (most meals home cooked from scratch) and all her favourites are things from packets

We shared maternity leave. We are not vegan but I batch cooked loads of stuff and I did leave some recipes and direction for my husband for the easier stuff e.g. savoury flapjacks that just needed mixed and baked (he hates cooking)

There are tons of simple meals he can make that don't involve fake meats, even simple lunches.

Beans on toast
Toast with nut butter
Baked potatoes
Vegetable fajitas
Black bean enchiladas
Mushroom, spinach and chickpea curry
Mixed bean chilli with rice or jacket potato
Lentil Bolognese
Bulgar wheat with roasted vegetables
Pasta and tomato sauce (can also vary that with roasted garlic, basil or mushroom as well)
Or even just making a hidden vegetable pasta sauce
Ratatouille
Homemade mixed bean burgers
Homemade vegan sausage
Homemade nut roast
Vegetable stir fry with satay sauce

All of these can be frozen to make life a lot easier

He's YABU to feed a baby processed food every day, but that applies whether the child is being raised as a meat eater, pescatarian, vegetarian, vegan...it doesn't matter. No child needs crap like that every day.

I think the vegan thing is a red herring too. If my DH was the SAHP and was feeding the DC processed crap I’d be unhappy. It would be ok if it were the odd meal but not for the majority of the meals.

YANBU, he needs to feed his child properly or get a job to pay for childcare where someone else will do it properly.

I agree that vegan meals are not the main issue, no child of your lo's age should be eating processed foods regularly or at all really. I didn't realise it was possible to be unhealthy ie. eat a lot of junk vegan meals so need to educate myself on this. I would be showing him how to cook more healthy meals and start batch cooking alongside him now so you can put as much variety as possible in your lo's diet. He also may need an overhaul of his own diet and you sound like the best person to help him with that. It sounds like you are already being sensible by seeing a dietician with regards to having a child on a vegan diet.