Aibu to want my 9 yo child to get more sleep?

[Notcool1984]

My son is getting around 8-9 hours sleep a night and it’s driving me nuts. He is pretty tired and grouchy during the day. He is active. Walks to and from school (30 mins each way) cycles, does school p.e and a swimming lesson. Even if he is in bed at 8, he can’t fall asleep until about half nine, then he’s up 5.30-6 next morning. Ahh. Anyone else have kids like this?

Just checking the obvious - is he allowed a screen after 7pm? That can make it hard to go to sleep.

Has he always been like this or is it a new thing? Some children do need less sleep than others.

IME it's easier to tackle bedtime rather than early morning (I've never managed to stop them waking early!) - have you tried things like a consistent bedtime routine, warm bath, reading a story together, relaxing music playing (google CDs to help you fall asleep).

Could he be worried about anything (eg at school)?

Yes, mine is exactly the same. He wakes at 530. He's sleeping in my room this week as we have visitors. When he sits up at 530 I pat him on the head and tell him to lie back down on his mattress. He's actually been dozing off for an extra half an hour or so rather than waking up completely by the time he gets to our room!

What time does he go to sleep?

Black out curtains? Sounds like he’s waking at around sunrise.

Earliest 9, usually between half nine and 9.45pm. He has blackout curtains x

He might be getting too much sleep too. Not everyone needs 8-9 hours a night. I used to get tired and grouchy at his age if I had more than 7. You need to explore both options.

Is he waking naturally?
My 10 yr old typically gets 9 hrs a night.... he has always slept at the lower end of recommended BUT, he isn't grumpy or tired with it.
Somehow you need to get him falling asleep earlier. Bizarrely, for us, early bed is counter productive. We are best packing him off to bed when he is likely to drop off. So, teeth and PJs at 8.30, but he can come downstairs after. Packed off to bed at first yawn, no messing. Send him to bed at 8 30, and he lies there getting stressed about not being tired.

Seconding @Chitarra here... does he use screens before bed?

I’d look up ‘sleep hygiene’ and make sure that he’s not doing something that will affect him falling asleep.

Also, maybe he’s going to bed too early? If he’s in bed trying to sleep it not nodding off he’s going to associate his bed with not being able to sleep - making it harder for him.

I’ve had lifelong issues with sleep - can’t recommend looking closely at this enough.

He doesn’t have screens before bed, although I let him have his computer in the morning when he gets up, which I don’t feel great about.
We do read before bed, maybe a bath could be a nice idea.
He always been a pretty bad sleeper, but it’s consistently around 8 hours, 9 max and just doesn’t seem enough as he is narky..

Is there a time before which he cant have a screen in the morning?
You need to work out the timings for you, but we got up at 7 on school days. Before 6.30, he has to lie quietly in bed. After that he can put the light on, and read or do something quietly in bed (no screens). We started this when I found him awake at 4am one day on his tablet....

When I was his age I never fell asleep for at least 90 minutes after going to bed and I still don't. No screens or 'poor sleep hygiene' back then, either.

Not everyone can be one of those people who falls asleep the minute their head hits the pillow. Some people just don't sleep as well as others and there's not always much you can do about it.

Are you sure his grumpiness is down to lack of sleep, though? Is it possible there's something else that is making him grumpy? Because if he never sleeps in even when he's tired, it might actually be that he doesn't actually need more than eight hours.

Earliest 830, usually closer to 9 these days.

Thanks, it could be a nine year old boy grump to be fair! I’ll try and do more of a proper wind down, bath, low light reading tonight. See if it makes a difference!

How dark is his room if you go into it during daylight hours and switch all the lights off and shut the curtains? We live overseas and have three layers of curtains on a track - our rooms are completely blacked out. I was quite shocked by the quality of the curtains in the UK and it really affected my kids’ sleep. I found that even when curtains were ‘blackout’ the room was still pretty light. See if you can block all of the light out.

Stop letting him having his computer first thing in the morning. He can read his book until you get up and after he had breakfast, washed and dressed and ready for the day.

Thanks, it could be a nine year old boy grump to be fair! I’ll try and do more of a proper wind down, bath, low light reading tonight. See if it makes a difference!

Yes, but don't expect it to make much of a difference the first time. Make it a routine for the next few weeks and then see.

The screen time when he wakes up in the morning might be a problem. He is basically getting rewarded for getting up early.

Same with my nine year old. We have melatonin otherwise it can be much later. It’s adhd in her case.

My 9 year old is exactly the same. Bed at 8ish as he's absolutely shattered by then usually. Wakes before 6 most mornings, he says about 5:30 but often earlier. He's not allowed to turn his light on before 6, after then he will read or play something quietly in his room. No screens in the room.

I'd hoped as he got older he could go to bed a bit later and sleep in a bit but it doesn't seem to be happening.

My Dd was the same at 3. The doctor said some kids just don't need sleep. She hardly had a nap either.

She is the same now age 11. Teenage year she will be interesting.

Thanks all. I’m wondering if the computer in the morning might be key!

I was just looking through as my child as 9 hrs , maybe 10 at a push but usually around 9 and feels fine usually, where we just come from on holiday to see friends its natural for kids to stay up later and not put them to bed as early ss UK and apparently they were saying they saw an article that in the UK people have more sleep problems. So many kids just laying there not being to sleep and how it's not good for you. Not all 9 years òld need 10-11 , my child slept easily 10-11 hrs at that age but less now.

My nearly nine year old has started having trouble falling asleep which I've put down to her needing less sleep now than before but she is crabbit if she doesn't get enough down time. We have upped her physical activity a bit (extra swimming session and riding lesson a week and more cycling after school) and are now letting her choose when she goes to sleep although she is in her bedroom 8-8:30 on school nights and can read or listen to Audible for as long as she wants. She has always been a very early riser but we have started having to occasionally wake her at 7am for school since she has taken more control over her bedtime routine.

Anyway, audible may help? My daughter has listened to the first five Harry Potter books and is now working her way through Lord of the Rings!

I think this might be quite common for the age unfortunately

Sounds normal. Some kids just don't need loads of sleep and at some point they definitely don't need the 10-11 hours anymore.