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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For having a BBQ at ds's 2nd birthday party

58 replies

onetiredmummy · 05/08/2007 21:08

Get this. Ds's birthday party is next Saturday, and as we have large family there will be lots of adults there. Most of these adults will be travelling down specially (coming south in August on a Sat!)& the journey is min 2 hours from the nearest, they will be driving back on the same day too. Dh has decided to do a BBQ but there will still be party food for any children who turn up.

Went to see MIL today & she has informed me that I am being selfish for doing a BBQ, that birthday parties are meant for the children and no adult in their right mind wants feeding. She says I am taking the attention away from ds by making it an adult event & generally stopping it being a birthday party.

I don't know what to do now, am I spoiling his party?

OP posts:

macmama73 · 05/08/2007 22:05

Agree with every one else! We do BBQ for most of the family get-togethers, even DD's christening. Great fun, the kids get spoilt by all the aunts and uncles.

I wouldn't let your monster-in-law smoke in the house though, send her to the pub... oops, forgot can't smoke there either

Have a fantastic day!

margosbeenplayingwithmynoonoo · 05/08/2007 22:08

Tie your MIL to a chair and gag her. Leave her there until BBQ is done.

Kewcumber · 05/08/2007 22:10

my DS would much rather have a load of adults spoiling him at his birthday than a bunch of other children he will be expected to share with! And he wonlt much care what anyone apart form him eats. Your MIL is wierd.

lucykate · 05/08/2007 22:12

we had a bbq (albeit in the rain!) for our ds 2nd birthday in may

WanderingTrolley · 05/08/2007 22:14

If you must invite MIL, make sure no one feeds her.

lol Custy and WillyWonka - how about 'No smoking' on the front and 'fuck of Grandma' on the back?

Kids don't really get the idea birthday parties till they are three or four ime.

alipiggie · 05/08/2007 22:17

OMG what is it with MIL's!?!?!?. Sounds like a perfect solution for your ds's birthday. What's wrong with bbq food for a kid's party anyway. Sausages are great food . Hope the weather holds and you all have a wonderful time. And I like the suggestion of not feeding her. Just give her banana sandwiches - that'll keep her happy oh and ice cream and jelly for pudding.

tortoiseSHELL · 05/08/2007 22:19

We just did this for dd's 4th birthday - worked like a dream, kids love sausages and bread anyway, did some cakes for after, they loved running round in the garden.

KITTENSOCKS · 06/08/2007 10:07

In my experience, a barbeque party can actually be less work than a traditional kids party. I've seen birthday parties where at least half the food is left because it was unfamiliar/ kids too excited to eat etc. and you rely on adults to help eat it up.(Tell MIL this if she still thinks adults don't need feeding!) As was said earlier, a 2yo party is more about the adults celebrating, but that doesn't mean the child and other children won't enjoy socialising. A help yourself buffet in addition to the cooked food will be fine.I'm sure other adults will pitch in and help you. I 've not been to a 2yo party where there were no parents present, even if just mums.The only point at which the party will turn into an adult event, is if people get drunk, or are too busy gossiping to take notice of the children/ keep them safe. Or if the child is sharing their birthday and party with an adult.
I feel sorry for MIL, she's going the right way to not be invited. Imagine how embarrassing for her when all the other relatives find out how she tried to spoil things. This is your DS's party which you are hosting at your house, it's your decision and you'll all have a lovely time. If she can't deal with that she can stay away.

Oblomov · 06/08/2007 10:09

Your mIL is talking nonsense.
My SIL always ahas a BBQ for her ds, In May.
It is always totally lovely.
God, I would do the same for ds, only his birthday is begin Feb and it always is cold and miserable.

aDad · 06/08/2007 10:13

none of MIL's business anyway is it?

and no, of course you arent spoiling his party. He's only 2, it's not like that kind of thought would cross his mind anyway!

Dropdeadfred · 06/08/2007 10:16

You are not being selfish but I would tell her she is being extremely selfish to assume she can carry on polluting your family's lungs every visit.

I'd tell her NO SMOKING in the house from now on. Also if she doesn't want it to be an 'adult' event perhaps she'd best stay at home?

MaloryTowersHasManners · 06/08/2007 10:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kslatts · 06/08/2007 10:28

YANBU - I think children love BBQ's with both adults and children, mine certainly do.

weirdbird · 06/08/2007 12:07

A birthday party for a 2 year old, is entirely for the adults benefit, the kids don't really know whats going on, and have no recollection

Your not being selfish at all, your being a considerate host!

maisemor · 06/08/2007 12:17

A BBQ birthday party. What a great idea. I think you should definately go ahead with it.

Why would the adults not want fed!? If your mil does not want to eat, then she just doesn't. Very simple.

Mil had her chance at throwing children's birthday parties. It is now your turn, and it sounds like you are going to be good at it.

ruddynorah · 06/08/2007 12:21

tell her ok, you see her point. if she feeld uncomfortable eating around the children then you won't make anything for her. easy.

SweetyDarling · 06/08/2007 12:31

What on earth would you cook on a BBQ that a 2 year old won't eat!??

SweetyDarling · 06/08/2007 12:33

Get some green prawns and BBQ those - kids love them and it will show your MIL that her ideas of what is adult vs children's food is ridiculous.

PinkChick · 06/08/2007 12:36

LOL at custy, couldnt have put it better myself..we were at a 13 birthday party yesterday..party food, cakes sarnies etc..then about 2hrs later the bbq came out..not just for adults, anyone who wanted any..no problems there!..your MIL sounds the one with an issue, everyone else including the children will have lods of fun and if theyre anything like my dd, they wont be botherd about food and will just want to play!

ChasingSquirrels · 06/08/2007 12:36

agree with everyone else, in fact I broached this as an idea with ds1 the other day for his 5th at the end of Sept - only concern here is the weather at that time, I was thinking his friends and their parents (who we know so would hopefully be fun for all) plus the grandparents - but if we end up being inside because of rain I don't want all those adults to entertain and would rather just do kid's games.

PinkChick · 06/08/2007 12:37

buy a load of those jelly sweets shaped like burgers and hot dogs, then some of the others shaped like pink shrimps/prawns etc

Pinchypants · 06/08/2007 12:42

We just had a fantastic BBQ party for DD's first birthday on Saturday. Loads of booze, great food, party food and bits for the kids, put out loads of picnic rugs and toys in the shade for the little ones, who got loads of attention and just wanted to run round and grab the odd snack cos they were so excited. Made a cake, had kiddies' crocks, cutlery, party bags, napkins, bunting, sang happy birthday etc, and will do the same every year for a while, introducing a little more kid's entertainment each year as they get older. You can't ask adults all that way with no food, and it's a family celebration.
Have no idea how you cope with a MIL who tells you to your face you are 'selfish' in any area of parenting...
Have a fantastic time and hope the weather is glorious. Don't forget the fizz, and enjoy celebrating two years since DS arrived!
xx

RGPargy · 06/08/2007 12:43

I've only read the OP and Custy's hasty response and i have to say that i agree with Custy!!

Adults are humans too and we all need to eat, ffs!! What a stupid thing to say (the MIL, not you).

PinkChick · 06/08/2007 12:50

oh an weekend before was at my cousins, dd's 2nd birthday party which was bby only, so sarnies etc and everyone loved it, they also did aprty games inside later on, but all kids didnt care wether they had chicken or ham on a bun

Jackstini · 06/08/2007 12:51

Most of our family parties are BBQs - it is a family celebration for DS - he will love all the people and little hot dogs and burgers!
I think the smoking issue is more important - not in a million years would I let anyone smoke in my house with my dd. (Luckily my Mum & MIL presumed this would be the case anyway and they don't)
Definate no smoking signs required

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