To ask what aspects of your parents parenting style would you not want in your own parenting style?

[TomLee475]

Basically what would you do differently to your parents.

Everything I said I'd do differently I do the same! It's almost ingrained

I genuinely cannot think of one thing I would do the same as my parents.

Less yelling (in general, not just at me) and no smacking.

I don’t smack, or rather I didn’t smack, seeing as dd is in her 20s and ds is over 6’!

Erm...

I’d not emotionally abuse my children.

I’d not hit them.

I’d keep them safe and not subject them to knowledge and experiences that children should not be subjected to.

I’d let them be their own person.

I’d build up their confidence and praise them.

I’d give physical affection appropriately.

I’d let them be children.

Plus a hundred other things!

Things I do differently with mine;

1. They are allowed to finish a meal when they are full, not when the plate is clear
2. They have not been smacked.
3. They do not have to give hugs to anyone including me or dad if they don't want to.

I don't hit. I don't emotionally abuse them. I don't withdraw all attention and affection for imagined infractions.
My parenting is based on doing the opposite to what my parents did.

Mistakes are how we learn
Appearance is not as important as who you are as a person

My parents taught me mistakes are to be hidden or to be ashamed of, and my mother and maternal grandmother (not deliberately) taught me that to have worth, a woman should be slim and at home with the kids and a martyr to the family. I don't have daughters, but I am a recovered anorexic with huge self esteem issues that I'm only just working through. I'm determined that I won't be like either of them and I'm desperate for my two DCs to develop the confidence and self-worth I didn't.

I don’t hit or shout.
I won’t leave the older one looking after the younger ones.

I wont give them the pressure! E.g. When you come home with a b and get treated like you are stupid because its not an a etc etc. I just want them to be happy for who they are. Also I wont shout as much or work as much

No plate clearing or giving them food they don't like.

I parent really differently from my parents. I didn’t want to do knee-jerk diametrically opposite parenting ( which my sister went in for) because I wanted to do what i believed to be right rather than parenting informed by my terrible upbringing, albeit as information on what not to do.
So basically no continual criticism, no emotional manipulation, no game playing using the children as pawns, no staying on a relationship with someone i hate so the house is pervaded by misery, and then moving a new violent man the day my dad leaves. No controlling every aspect of my children’s existence including their feelings, thoughts, looks, body and behaviour.
Just that sort thing really....

Overall my parents have done a pretty decent job, but I won't be talking about anyone's weight and I will do my best to apologise when I'm wrong. I don't think my parents have ever apologised for anything or admitted they were wrong in my life.

As long as I think 'what would my parents do?' And then do the opposite I'm doing ok.

Am in the same boat as most of us here. Hell would freeze over before I treat my dc the way I was treated.

I look at my dc and they're happy stable kids who feel safe and loved. L'm proud of myself.

I wouldn't make my love conditional & expect perfection. I wouldn't be so rigid, endlessly critical or controlling. I wouldn't have drama queen style hysterics over incredibly minor stuff & resort to personal insults towards my child. I wouldn't berate children for normal minor mistakes we've all made growing up, I'd ask what did you learn & say when making mistakes, which we all do, how you learn & regroup from them is key.

I don’t smack my children. I’m very tactile with them, lots of hugs and I love yous. I don’t work as much.

However, I do still shout and have less patience than I would like!

Not emotionally abuse them. Not let them wonder which face they'd see that moment. Not destroy their self confidence. Not have them walk on eggshells.

I wouldn't leave my porn magazines where my children might find them and then give my children 'the slipper' for finding and reading them!

My parents are nice people and I love them dearly, but I am a lot more affectionate with DS and tell him I love him regularly. I don’t think my DF has ever said it to me even though I know he does.

I'll talk to my kids more openly than my parents did. I grew up a little naive I think. And I'm being more openly affectionate than my mum was, I knew she loved me but she wasn't never a "warm" person which has definitely rubbed off on me but I'm trying to be better with the kids (maybe overcompensating a little...)

My parents were great. Only a few things I can think of, mainly:

1. My mum was very strict on me as a teen and it meant I couldn't be honest with her about anything (boyfriends, drinking, etc). So I would often put myself in vulnerable positions where she had no clue where I was/who I was with. I really really want my DD to be able to at least tell me where she's going.
2. My dad didn't really know how to treat me and my sister as we became teenagers so our relationship became quite awkward, and still is sometimes.

Now that I am a parent, though, I see myself turning into my mum every day!

Laughing at me when I was experiencing any kind of strong emotion such as anger and sadness.

My parents were/are pretty awesome but for some reason they just didn’t handle my ‘fussy’ eating well. I actually wasn’t being fussy, i had a nut and egg allergy but they didn’t connect the dots and just thought I was being awkward. We had so many battles over meal times, it was awful.

I don't leave my child with dodgy adults.