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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a school can change the culture when it comes to anti-redhead bullying?

98 replies

Absofruitly · 20/08/2019 17:26

My son has recently started secondary school (we're in Scotland) and in the small number of days he has been at the school so far, he has on numerous occasions been threatened by other children that it is 'kick a ginger day' (he has red hair) and has also been kicked once by an older child (so much for looking out for the young new starts). This all came out after school today. He has been teased about his hair colour his whole life by ignorant little so-and-sos (while being roundly admired by all the little old ladies), but it seems to have stepped up a notch now he is at secondary school.
Is anti-redhead bullying taken seriously by schools, I wonder? I have told him to speak to his registration teacher (key adult) in the morning, and I will also contact the school separately, but I wonder what can really be done. Anti 'ginger' sentiment seems so ingrained in certain quarters here, and this is a country with the highest number of redheads in the world!
What can I really expect the school to do to deal with this kind of nastiness? I really don't want my son to feel negatively towards his hair. I think it's beautiful!

OP posts:
suckerforbrowneyes · 20/08/2019 17:32

Where are you in Scotland?

I’m near Glasgow and I have VERY red headed children. This makes me soooooo sad. Their hair is amazing!

I’m angry on your son’s behalf Angry

suckerforbrowneyes · 20/08/2019 17:33

The way your son has been treated makes me mad btw...not my children’s hair colour. It’s flippin gorgeous 😍

OtraCosaMariposa · 20/08/2019 17:33

I'm in Glasgow too and have a redheaded child in P7. He is one of three redheads in his class and his hair colour has never, ever caused any issues.

It's just not a "thing" round this way. Although the school clamps down very hard on any sort of bullying, for any reason.

Original poster
Absofruitly · 20/08/2019 17:35

We're in Edinburgh.
I wonder if all the redheaded children get this horrible bullying and some are just thick-skinned enough to not let it bother them? My son is a sensitive soul and rightly sees and feels the injustice.

OP posts:
suckerforbrowneyes · 20/08/2019 17:37

@Absofruitly

Mine are much younger - young primary school and a baby. You’d probably have to hold me back if I thought someone made fun of their hair colour.

To be honest I don’t condone swearing but I’d be telling your son to tell them to fuck the fuck off to the far side of fuck off then fuck off some more.

Original poster
Absofruitly · 20/08/2019 17:38

I think if my son were more bolshy he might not be such a target for these bullies. I guess the bullies will pick on anything 'different' about a person, and for my poor soon it's his hair colour.
I just wonder if there's anything that can be done to turn people's perceptions away from this horrible 'ginger = ugly' message that is ingrained in some people. I wish the school would clamp down on it, or do a tolerance campaign or similar.

OP posts:
suckerforbrowneyes · 20/08/2019 17:39

Your son’s hair colour is bloody awesome.

I’d be harassing the school to sort this out and pronto.

jellycatspyjamas · 20/08/2019 17:39

What can I really expect the school to do to deal with this kind of nastiness?

You can expect the school to provide a safe, violence free learning environment for your child. Regardless of the reason for bullying I’d be expecting the school to come down hard on bullies especially given your son has been assaulted.

Original poster
Absofruitly · 20/08/2019 17:41

I wish he was the kind of kid who would be brave enough to say that to the bullies sucker, I really do, but he's a wee quiet, awkward, soul, who wouldn't say boo to a goose.

OP posts:
suckerforbrowneyes · 20/08/2019 17:41

Btw, fwiw my elder ginger DC was approached to model when he was about 2/3. So it’s definitely not seen as ugly.

Original poster
Absofruitly · 20/08/2019 17:43

Yes, I've sent an email to the school just now jelly, and will be interested to see their response. I really hope something can be done, but the whole anti-ginger message seems really firmly ingrained in certain sectors of society, and secondary-age boys can be so horrible...

OP posts:
awesmum · 20/08/2019 17:43

My DD is 11 and has red hair. We're in the east of England. She's so far not had anything ever said about her hair, I know it will come, she's about to enter year 7.

redexpat · 20/08/2019 17:44

Omg di I get to be the first to do ? Im usually too slow.

Im a redhead and the constant stream of name calling is really tiring.

Original poster
Absofruitly · 20/08/2019 17:50

I love Tim Minchin's song too red! I've told my son his whole life how beautiful his hair is, and he hears it often from lovely random old ladies in the shop/street, but I worry that the wee so-and-sos with their 'kick a ginger day' taunts will undo all that good work.

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 20/08/2019 17:52

I started school in1959 and was never bullied about my red hair although it was sometimes commented on. It's awful that this is happening now. Having said that I was never aware of it happening when I was teaching either (Early years and ks1). The school should definitely deal with this as they would any other kind of bullying. One would hope they would clamp down hard if a child was bullied over skin colour or any other difference, this is the same thing.

kennypppppppp · 20/08/2019 17:57

that's horrendous. am so sorry for your son.
my son has orange hair too and i love it and i even googled combacks to say to people if they take the piss out of his hair.

one was:
mean kid: oi, ginger publes
orange haired kid: well, your mum doesn't mind

not really very appropriate but it made me laugh, the thought of my son using it when he was 11!! thank god no one has said anything about his hair else i'd go totally mental.

good luck and i hope it gets dealt with soon.

Thatsalovelycuppatea · 20/08/2019 18:02

I did when I was at school. I would hate to be at school nowadays. I feel for you.

TrumpetyChump · 20/08/2019 18:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rubyupbeat · 20/08/2019 18:10

I am ginger and I love my hair, 55 and never had to colour it.
Hated it when I was young, because of the jokes.
Even nowadays its 'acceptable ' to dig out gingers. People say things in front of me, then realise and ALWAYS say. Oh but you are not really ginger are you, then go on to name a list of ginger variations..."NO, I'm fucking ginger and proud".
My neighbour has a gorgeous red headed girl, now 12, but the amount of insults she got when her daughter was a baby. The favourite was how she will have to keep a hat on her all the time. Mind you that's hit them in the face, she gets so many modelling jobs as ginger is in big time, they just see her waist length curly mop and she stands out from the rest.
My boys were blonde and I am so hoping for a ginger grandchild, but they dont even want a ginger!!

herculepoirot2 · 20/08/2019 18:10

They really do need to take any bullying based on any characteristic seriously. This isn’t a minor thing. They need to nip it right in the bud and come down like a ton of bricks on the bullies. Go in all guns blazing!

Newgirls · 20/08/2019 18:14

Surely it is a racist comment? Like commenting on a skin colour? It doesn’t have to be for a school to tackle it - just curious what’s the difference?

LeysaV · 20/08/2019 18:26

People are ridiculous .

I am sad to hear this has happened to your son, and to PPs and/or their DC
How pathetic are some people.

I would have a word with school .

FastnetLundyRockall · 20/08/2019 18:27

Depressing how this has become a thing in recent years. I got the odd "collar and cuffs" jokes at school in late 80s, but gingers were not seen as that different.

baubled · 20/08/2019 18:34

Bullying for any reason needs to be taken seriously but I've always told myself if the worst thing someone is calling me for is my hair colour then I'm doing something right 🤷🏻‍♀️

kazzy1988 · 20/08/2019 18:39

I am a red head. I spent most of my school life being bullied about my hair colour, it was that bad my mum wanted me to change school after starting high school but I refused as I didn't want to let the bullies win. The worst bit was being called a ginga by a teacher in the middle of a lesson because apparently he thought he was being funny. I let rip all the years of being called everything under the sun just because of my hair colour and he got the all of it. that's when everyone realised I also had the temper to go with it so they left me alone and actually made a few new friends afterwards. The worst bit tho I was the suspended and the headteacher wasn't going to do anything about the teacher till my mum threatened to go to the papers, I was suddenly allowed back into school and the teacher was suspended while a investigation took place, it was the last of many things he said/did to pupils as he was sacked a month or so later. Tell you son to stick up for him within reason of course. If the school don't take it seriously then take it to the governors, my 1st 2 years at high school were made hell because of bullies who thought it was OK just because I have red hair. If you get it nipped in the bud now hopefully he will enjoy his time at school