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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To Not Understand Hen Weekends/Nights

40 replies

SirJamesTalbotAndHisSpeculum · 20/08/2019 15:21

Why do so many women think they are an integral part of getting married?

Stag Nights are just as bad.

What a waste of money.

OP posts:

MonnieMoo · 20/08/2019 15:21

Dizzywizz · 20/08/2019 15:22

I think a night/weekend in this country is nice. Any longer or abroad is a bit much, financially and also taking people away from their famoly

MaMaMaMySharona · 20/08/2019 15:22

You're doing it wrong if you don't enjoy them

uokhun25 · 20/08/2019 15:25

a night out with yer mates - whats the harm in that?? lolz you sound like great fun!

Original poster

SirJamesTalbotAndHisSpeculum · 20/08/2019 15:25

You're doing it wrong if you don't enjoy them

I've never been on one.

OP posts:

blackpinkinyourarea · 20/08/2019 15:25

Oh bore off!

Alloftit · 20/08/2019 15:27

It makes me a touch sad that someone can be so miserable about something that no one is forcing them to take part in but that so many people enjoy.

MaMaMaMySharona · 20/08/2019 15:28

If you've never been on one then why do they upset you so much? It's not your money that's being 'wasted'!

FudgeBrownie2019 · 20/08/2019 15:28

I've never been on one.

Then why complain?

I've been on a few hen nights, some awful, some brilliant, never boring.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 20/08/2019 15:28

Any night out is a waste of money if that's your mindset.

What's wrong with going and celebrating your upcoming wedding with your friends.

Or maybe the fact you've never been means that you've never been invited. Bit of the green eyes monster there op?

Didntwanttochangemyname · 20/08/2019 15:28

You've never been on one but have a pretty strong opinion on them - are you jealous that others have been on them?

SuzieBishop · 20/08/2019 15:28

Not surprised that you’ve never been to one 🙈

Thurmanmurman · 20/08/2019 15:30

Not sure what’s to understand really. Is it really that difficult to fathom that some people enjoy going for a night out with their friends? It might not be everybody’s cup of tea but a very simple concept nonetheless.

HeyMonkey · 20/08/2019 15:42

I'm not keen on certain types of hen do tbh, and i'm in the process of arranging my cousins.

I wasn't planning to have one before my own wedding which is coming up, but a few friends have asked about it so I might suggest a curry and then a couple of cocktails.

I have zero interest in going out clubbing dressed in L plates and willy headbands if that's what you mean.

Original poster

SirJamesTalbotAndHisSpeculum · 20/08/2019 15:44

I have zero interest in going out clubbing dressed in L plates and willy headbands if that's what you mean

Yes. That is what I mean.

OP posts:

whothedaddy · 20/08/2019 15:45

I like a girls night out before a wedding. The bride gets to be looked after in the anxious run up to the wedding and her friends get one last harrah before she becomes a wife.

I do think the modern expectations are crazy though. At least half the ladies I went to school with have had foreign hen trips costing each friend hundreds.

I do think people should be mindful of the cost of their guests attending in general. Outfit for a hen do and a wedding, travel and accomodation for both, activities, gifts. If you aren't careful this can be £1k+

DisgruntledGuineaPig · 20/08/2019 15:47

Weddings (for the bulk of us who dont just elope with a couple of witnesses yet cant afford to pay professionals to do all the work for us) are incredibly time consuming and absorb so much of a couples' free time, money and 'head space' for such an extended period, the tradition of stag and hen dos, by excluding the opposite sex, force a refocus on other friendships and family relationships in a way that is incredibly healthy.

Think about it as a tradition, yes a wedding is a public declaration of "this relationship is the most important to me in my life, this is the person I want to share my life with and to become a legal unit with", however in the midst of all that, we have a space for also saying "these other friendships and family relationships are also incredibly important, and need to have space to be celebrated within the general extended celebration of my decision to enter into a life partnership with someone."

I like that within our traditions around marriage, we have these that aren't about celebrating the couple at all, but all the other relationships the couple have.

chellochello · 20/08/2019 15:52

I love a good hen do - great chance to get together with old friends you don't get to see as much as you'd like to.

Not all hen do's are getting dressed up silly costumes waving inflatable willies - we had a lovely one in a cottage were we all wore matching onesies, drank lots of wine and ate lovely food and also one just night in the local social club

lazylinguist · 20/08/2019 15:55

I have zero interest in going out clubbing dressed in L plates and willy headbands if that's what you mean

Yes. That is what I mean.

Hen nights a) aren't compulsory and b) can be whatever you want them to be. Mine was a river boat trip with a posh picnic and just a few friends. It was lovely.

dollydaydream114 · 20/08/2019 15:58

What a waste of money.

Don't have one, then. Other people can spend their money on what they like.

I wouldn't have a hen do, personally. It's not my thing. But I can't really imagine getting worked up at other people having them. I rarely go to other people's and no bride-to-be has ever been offended when I've told them I can't go.

While it's not really my kind of thing, I can totally see why lots of people love them. And plenty of women don't do a weekend of clubbing. One of my colleagues went to a water park for hers.

Yabbers · 20/08/2019 15:58

I never had one because I don’t like them generally, but we did have a big meal with all family and friends the night before the wedding. It was lovely.

I don’t judge others for having them though.

dollydaydream114 · 20/08/2019 15:59

@lazylinguist Your hen do sounds absolutely lovely!

Pukkatea · 20/08/2019 16:00

I think hen dos have evolved into a bloody nuisance. Recent ones I have gone to where things are kept 'cheap' have still been over £250 and involved multiple parts over a whole weekend.

It's all well and good saying don't go to your best friends hen do, or don't organise something so expensive, but I don't want to be the only one not going, and I don't want to disappoint my friends by organising a hen do that is so much more low key and cheap than all the others they'll have been on.

JacquesHammer · 20/08/2019 16:02

Yes. That is what I mean

So in fact just one type of hen night?

Why assume all are the same? And why so bothered if you’ve never been on one?!

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 20/08/2019 16:05

What a misery you are. They don't have to be of the tacky sort.
My hen do was a few nights away with close friends and included a meal in a nice restaurant, afternoon champagne tea, a boat trip, and an evening in our lovely Riverside apartment drinking wine and playing games and chatting about old times. It was lovely and we're doing it again shortly for another hen. Not a waste of money in the least.

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