Recent family trip

[NicyB]

Firstly, new account as I haven't been on here in several months and can't access old account so ... Start again!

AIBU?

we visited my DH's family last week. They are all based in North Yorkshire, where my DH is from originally. Because of 'family politics' in his side of the family and some falling outs in the past, his family have not been very close to our DS and DD - not in the same way my family are. That's also to do with geography since my family are much closer to us. And that brings me to the main point here....

We live in West London (Chiswick) and it's fair to say that my DS (16) is what you could call 'very west london'.

I feel my son was mocked and made fun of during this trip by my DHs family, in particular my father in law. Some of it could be called banter but I think the amount of it and the nature of some of it when into bullying. My DD escaped this, probably because she is only 11. Now my DS did say some funny things which you would expect to lead to friendly playful teasing, for example the night we were all going to have fish and chips DS wanted to know if they did sushi (he wasn't joking). Now I can see why that's funny and why it can lead to 'london boy' jokes by 'yorkshiemen' but like I say it went beyond just benter. My father in law made repeated jokes and mocking comments about DS 'posh boy' accent. Also the 'fish and chip incident' got less funny when my DS, having seen what was on offer at the fish and chip shop, requested he could order something else online. My father in law took this a clear personal affront. My son, I must point out, was unfailingly polite and nice to everyone the whole time. He responded to the moking by just laughing along and smiling. There are loads more specific examples I could give about how the made fun of him but I think I've put accross the general idea.

To be honest, I'm absolutely fuming and don't plan on visiting again. My DH is basically of the view 'well that's what they are like' he doesn't necessarily condone it but is fairly unconcerned - mainly because my DS wasn't really upset by it. DH is saying if they had upset him it would be a different story but since they didn't it's just something we should let go. I found it difficult to hold my mouth and it was only because this was supposed to be a nice opertunity for DS and DD to get to know dad's side of the family better that I tried to keep it all friendly. Now i feel massively guilty that I didn't stand up for my son more. Honestly I actually feel terrible. Terrible with myself and furious with them.

Any advice on how to deal with this is appreciated x

I’m not sure if this was a weird stealth boast about how posh and refined your children are compared to their Father’s impoverished Yorkshire family but it just makes your son sound rather dumb if I’m being totally honest.

*Fish and chips? Luxury. All we got was a cup of cold sulphuric acid.

Sorry I couldn't resist. Lancastrian raised in Yorkshire.
I'll get my coat.*

Hahahaha

My husband and I were very anti teasing. One side of his family thrive on it! They're a wonderful, loving and warm family, and to be honest, the more I got to know them, the more I think we didn't do our own kids any favours by taking things so seriously. Certainly my kids adored their super teasy uncle!

I think a huge amount depends on the people. Some do teasing well, and make you laugh, some make you feel silly.

As a northerner who came down south for her first job, aged 21, I got a hell of a lot of teasing about my accent.

My family are also the kind where teasing is a form of affection.

I'm considered 'posh' by my family and 'common' by lots of my uni friends' families. I don't really care tbh, I'm just me.

It was a bit rude of your son to not just order something like chips when the rest of the family were ordering their food.

Had there been a sit down dinner I would have expected him to try a bit and not complain or ask for anything else - it's the same thing in my book if a takeaway.

I think this is a bit of everyone being over sensitive tbh - was probably an avoiding awkwardness mechanism by your family when your DS said something unexpected.

In the grand scheme of things, not a big deal. My uncle called butternut squash a "middle class vegetable" and it caused a big row 😂

He was silly to say it and we were silly to rise to it - this sounds the same. I'd forget it and move on, but tell DS that it's polite to (especially for one evening) graciously not make a fuss for the sake of some chips versus sushi!

The thing about asking to order from somewhere else - in London we are surrounded by thousands and thousands of takeaway options. So it’s not unusual at all to order takeaways for a group but different people choose from different restaurants. It’s not rude. Last night my 4 year old didn’t want the pizza our guests wanted and asked to order from the Vietnamese instead which was fine.

So OP I don’t think your son was being rude.

Having said that I also grew up “up north” and yes we would have found it hilarious thinking a fish and chip shop might do sushi, that is a bit silly!

Does anybody remember peter mandelson (who was mp for Hartlepool I think?) thinking that the mushy peas in a chippy was guacamole?

In general the Yorkshire sense of humour can come across as rude/abrasive to people who aren’t used to it, sounds like your son took it well though. I wouldn’t worry.

Places other than London are swamped with takeaways as well. I presume you all happily cook 4 or 5 different meals a night if everybody wants something different then?

Sometimes we order from different places. It's one of the perks of a takeaway that everyone eats what they want. The rest of the time we all eat what's cooked.
Having several different types of cuisines within a few minutes walking helps. Orders phoned through and someone collects it all.

I’d rather assume that your DS’ question about sushi was an amusing joke than a real (dumb) question. Was it?

Is there even a small chance that despite you being offended on his behalf, your DS may actually have taken the piss taking in good humour. After all, he IS half Yorkshire-bred

I really do think you should just draw a line under it OP. Unless you are going to drip feed, it’s not worth losing family over is it?

You paint such a ghastly picture of the North, and a not much better one of your son.

(Never realised a Chiswick accent could even be considered "posh"!)

But YABU, and that's that.

Has he confused Otley for Osaka?

Mocking a teenager is pretty mean but unless your DS was jokingly playing to the stereotype then asking if a local chippie did Sushi is pretty funny
And Henryscat there ARE several South American Restaurants and 24 gyms in Leeds and the surrounding area!