AIBU by wanting to take 2 weeks off before baby arrives?

[MummyBear405]

With my current job I'm not entitled to SMP as I haven't worked there long enough but I can still get MA and my employer offers all employees 2 weeks of 'new parent leave' regardless of length of service so we won't be much worse off than if I qualified for SMP.

I have the option to take the 2 weeks paid or take the money leaving 2 weeks that I can work and get additional pay.

Now I want to take it as paid leave at the beginning of Jan even though baby isn't due to the 28th & have maternity leave kick in after the 2 weeks. I'm type 1 diabetic so it's likely baby will arrive early anyway.

My husband is stressing about money and can't understand why (logically) I want to take it as leave when I could have the money and still work those 2 weeks.

I've told him I need time to prepare for this birth as it's my first child and with my medical history I don't want to be dragging my heavily pregnant arse to work in the middle of winter!!

Money is going to be tight and I know that but AIBU or selfish by wanting to take that time for myself despite the money aspect?

Some people work right up to the birth. But you're right your baby is likely to arrive early anyway.

When I was 35 weeks pregnant this time I felt so good I asked work if I could work an extra week or so (I'd planned to stop at 37 weeks). When I was 37 weeks I was so glad they said no. The constant aches and pains, the trouble actually moving anywhere, the waking up every 90 minutes and getting out of bed to stretch to help the back and hip pain. All that meant I was completely exhausted and work was getting to be a struggle. Also it's hard to concentrate on anything knowing you could be in hospital at any time.

But everyone is different and some people are fine. It depends on what you do and how flexible your work are about working from home and cutting back a bit

If he wants you to work though I assume he is happy to spend his weekends running around getting things for the baby, washing and assembling things, doing jobs you wont be able to do when the baby's there, batch cooking so your freezer is full etc, all things that most people spend the last couple of weeks frantically doing

DD was nearly a week late so I had almost 3 weeks off before she arrived and was so glad I did. I was barely sleeping at night in the last couple of months with sciatica and terrible heartburn and kicking and managed to catch up a bit with daytime naps when I went on leave. I don’t really remember what I did all day, bit of cleaning, tidying, laundry, sorting out her stuff, going for walks, but I’m so glad I had the time to properly rest. For the last week I had loads of braxton hicks and was on edge that labour was imminent as well.

I stopped about 3.5 weeks before DS and I got so bored! With hindsight I would have stopped at least a week or two later.

I worked until 4 days before DS was due and I should have stopped earlier. Absolutely no work got done that last week.

You've got a good few months the save money and prepare for mat leave.

Until your DH is capable of giving birth and understanding the impact of being heavily pregnant he can sod off.
Take the 2 weeks. Even if you feel great and do bugger all except watch Netflix.

He needs to take logic out of the equation and get his head round thr fact that you are keeping a baby alive, inside you.

Birth can't be planned and you could go in those two weeks.

How about you starting to wake him up when you do, cause him pain/discomfort and see how his logic holds up?

He needs to change his thinking or you will be a regular thread starter after birth.

So much depends on your health and
Job. Just because x managed to work until they dropped, doesn’t mean you should do. With my first, she came early and I worked until I ended up in hospital for high blood
pressure. I can not recommend this! Second time round, I went early assuming I’d have another early baby. I didn’t but I couldn’t have carried on working any longer. I was struggling physically and mentally and needed time at home.

Take the 2 weeks.
In those 2 weeks I washed all the baby clothes, went shopping for last min bits, did the cleaning which you don’t always have time to do and most importantly relaxed!
The last 2 weeks I felt massive and wanted to sit and relax.
I’d definitely do the same again and have a couple of weeks off before baby arrived.
As others have said you could also give birth within those 2 weeks.

Your DH isn't the one with a baby living inside him. It's not his choice, it's yours. Personally there's no way I would have worked beyond 35 weeks max. I unfortunately developed SPD so could barely walk by 35 weeks. This also meant that I barely slept and was so tired that I didn't feel safe driving. I was housebound by the end of the pregnancy.

You just don't know what's coming. You could have an easy pregnancy or a tough one. You could feel great, you could feel shit. It's all so unpredictable. Just do whatever feels best for you and tell your DH to sod off.

Completely and utterly your choice OP, and I think your DH is being an arse.

DC1 I finished at 37w and baby came at 40+9 I was so bloody bored but I'd love to have that time again now
DC2 I finished at 38w and baby came at 40+1
DC3 Was meant to finish at 38w, but had to cut it short so finished at 37+5 they let me take annual leave so it did't mess with maternity pay and all my calculations) I was induced 37+6 and had baby at 38w.
(induction was moved from 39w to just before 38w I had planned to have a week off beforehand but it was moved forward at the last minute!)

I had gestational diabetes with DC3 (and they are a January baby!) so although not quite the same thing, I appreciate you wanting some time off!

It's your body and your choice. As others have said, until your DH can appreciate what it's like to carry another human being around inside your own body for 9 months, he can take a running jump!

Add in your diabetes and I'm a bit gobsmacked at how unsupportive he is being. What's more important, your health or a couple of weeks' wages?

Could he not step up and do some overtime to cover your lost wages?

Your body. Your health. Do what feels right for you!
As for your DH well he's being a bit of an idiot about it all IMO!
Good Luck OP and hopefully you get 2 weeks to yourself before the LO arrives

I finished at 36 weeks and baby arrived at 38 weeks. I got all the baby stuff sorted in those weeks and slept. I was completely exhausted.

I had 6 weeks off before 2nd child was born. I thoroughly recommend as much as possible. I worked on my feet all day and didn't want to struggle.

I was lucky last time to stop at 27 weeks. I teach so I had the 6 weeks off over summer as usual and decided to start mat leave from the beginning of September. He was born end of October. I’ve had a year off in total thanks to the 6 week holidays.

I know some women work right up until birth but I think a few weeks rest beforehand is important personally.

He cannot simply assume you'll be capable of continuing to work right up to when you give birth. Most women take at least some time beforehand. It's not always a choice either.

your DH is a dick. Does he realise that you are pregnant and what a huge strain on the body it can be esp on the last trimester?

If money is such an issue, tell him to get a second job.

I worked both times until 38/39 weeks but I had a straight forward pregnancy. I don't know anyone who worked that long - most woman are totally knackered by 35/36 weeks and leave work at that point.

Do you have to decide now?
You might find out you actually feel fine 2 weeks before and are happy to work another week or so.

I recommend having food on the table and a roof over your head. If you really cant afford it work.

Also more time with baby after if there is an option too.

I’m a type 1 diabetic also and pregnant with DC2. For DC1 I worked until 36 weeks but the last week was hard going. This time I’m stopping at 35 weeks. T1D means I’ll be induced by 39 weeks at the absolute latest but more likely 37 or 38 - I expect you would be the same so you may not even get 2 whole weeks by stopping at 36. Others might be happy to work longer but I was shattered by the end, I needed some rest time.

It depends how strenuous your job/commute is and how you feel towards the end of your pregnancy. Will they let you decide nearer the time?

I planned 2 weeks off before the birth of DC1. I lasted less than 2 days before begging to continue work up until the birth! Turns out hot, uncomfortable and working was better than hot, uncomfortable and bored! I was desk-based and able to work from home though, so that was a huge factor. If I’d been commuting huge distances or on my feet a lot, at home would have been better.

I think plan for the worst and hope for the best. In my first pregnancy I intended to work up to my due date. I had an easy early pregnancy, no morning sickness etc. Then SPD, severe polyhydramnios and hypertension kicked in quite suddenly around 28 weeks. I had to stop at 35 after having done a month of reduced working hours.

Literally nothing I could do or plan for.

Second time I planned to stop sooner and it was more sensible.

I’d recommend anyone build in contingency and having some down time before is essential.

I had 6 weeks off (thought baby would be early too, was a week late) but I'm so glad I did. I work on my feet all day and was struggling. It gave me time to sort things out at home and sleep!

Take the 2 weeks! No question!
I planned my mat leave to start on 37+1, no complications etc. Was kinda thinking of be ok to work another week if I was needed. Had a scan at 36 weeks and induction was recommended between 37 and 38 weeks.
I ended up leaving work on the Friday and being induced on the Monday, DD arrived Wednesday.
The only thing I regret about the birth was not having any time to mentally and physically prepare away from work.
Take the 2 weeks!

First baby I was due end of Jan and I went off at Xmas, mix of annual leave and mat leave. It was amazing! I felt ok and painted rooms and sorted the house before. I wouldn't have had the energy if I was at work. I also took a lot of naps!2nd child I took mat leave until due date ( both born a couple of days either side if due date) and used annual leave up until 38 weeks. I was lucky I was well.and had an understanding ( but physical job). I have no regrets. You will need your energy for the birth and recovery. Give yourself space and time.

A generation ago, it was normal for some women to finish at 6 months