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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU by wanting to take 2 weeks off before baby arrives?

57 replies

MummyBear405 · 20/08/2019 13:24

With my current job I'm not entitled to SMP as I haven't worked there long enough but I can still get MA and my employer offers all employees 2 weeks of 'new parent leave' regardless of length of service so we won't be much worse off than if I qualified for SMP.

I have the option to take the 2 weeks paid or take the money leaving 2 weeks that I can work and get additional pay.

Now I want to take it as paid leave at the beginning of Jan even though baby isn't due to the 28th & have maternity leave kick in after the 2 weeks. I'm type 1 diabetic so it's likely baby will arrive early anyway.

My husband is stressing about money and can't understand why (logically) I want to take it as leave when I could have the money and still work those 2 weeks.

I've told him I need time to prepare for this birth as it's my first child and with my medical history I don't want to be dragging my heavily pregnant arse to work in the middle of winter!! Angry

Money is going to be tight and I know that but AIBU or selfish by wanting to take that time for myself despite the money aspect?

OP posts:
Anotherusefulname · 20/08/2019 19:28

Take the two weeks.
Honestly with my first I finished at 29 weeks (as soon as I was allowed as I knew I wasn't going back and didn't need to save money until after.) I could probably have worked until about 32 weeks but after that travelling was so uncomfortable even just nipping to the shop was a real effort.
I always advise people to take as much time as they can afford before because the last trimester is a lot harder than people expect.

Lindy2 · 20/08/2019 19:35

I started my ML 2 weeks before baby's due date. The first week I felt good and I had a lovely relaxing time pottering around and doing a bit of batch cooking.
The second week coincided with a heat wave and I was hardly able to get up out of the armchair.
Baby arrived bang on time. There is no way I could have done my job or commute in that last week.

hammeringinmyhead · 20/08/2019 19:41

I planned to finish at 36+3 but was so uncomfortable, bored and filled with irritation at having to go to meetings about stuff I wouldn't see out that I took leave a week earlier. As it happens I went into labour at 38+2 and I maintained that just under 2 weeks wouldn't have been enough rest. Take the time off.

Yogagirl123 · 20/08/2019 19:49

Do what you think is best OP. If you are working f/t you may not feel up to working much later. My first DS arrived 1 day early, DS2 I left work on the Friday, two weeks before he was due, he was in my arms very early hours of the following Monday morning.

Grambler · 20/08/2019 20:02

With DC1 my old school GP said all his ladies thought they could go on working to 38 weeks but it was his preference they stopped at 36 weeks. So I stopped at 38 weeks much to his disgust and gave birth, finally at 42 weeks, bored out of my skull.

I worked until the day before DC2 came at 42 weeks Grin

With DC3 I had to stop at about 34 weeks - I had severe SPD and was on crutches and couldn't even eat or have a drink at work without help, so I could only go in to the office when there was someone in my team in to carry my food tray, I had to wfh the rest of the time. And I had a 90 minute commute. It just wasn't possible to go any longer.

Youseethethingis · 20/08/2019 20:19

The fact of the matter is that pregnancy and babies don’t necessarily run to our finely tuned schedules. I planned to work to the end but as it turned out I ran out of steam at 36 weeks so finished up earlier. I was looking forward to 4 weeks of pottering about, resting and prepping however I had to be induced at 37 weeks so that was Plan B shot to shit too.
I would expect the unexpected but plan to take those 2 weeks for the sake of your and your baby’s health.

EdtheBear · 20/08/2019 20:20

Op take the 2 weeks to rest.
I'd try to use annual leave to work part time for a couple of weeks before hand too.

DH is being an ass, 38 weeks becomes so uncomfortable and tiring.

DC1 I was really ill and ended up off sick 36-37 weeks. I went back to work for a couple of days mainly to clear my desk.

DC2 I was working part time, used holidays to reduce my week further and stopped at 38 weeks. I was still counting down the days until I stopped.

When are you planning to return to work?
I'd rather go back at 6mths than 7mths if its the difference of those 2 weeks.

TheTrollFairy · 20/08/2019 20:25

I worked upto 38 weeks and I regretted it. I had 3 days off before my waters broke. I had a OC in pregnancy so there was a risk that I would have been induced early due to it.
We got by on SMP and I didn’t feel as though we cut back massively on anything so my advise would be to leave the 2 week early

Alsohuman · 20/08/2019 20:25

See how you feel nearer the time. January’s a way off still.

PleaseGoogleIt · 20/08/2019 20:25

I took 6 weeks before DD came .. it was absolute bliss and I'd do it all over again. I had horrific SPD and swelled to the size of aunt Marge, I needed to pretty much lie down constantly.

cacklingmags · 20/08/2019 20:40

Tell your DH he is being a world class arse hole. Labouring and giving birth are hard work and it is wise to go into it well-rested and ready. You may also need some time in those last weeks for bouts of crazy cleaning.

EmeraldShamrock · 20/08/2019 20:42

I stopped 2 weeks before my first, I was absolutely exhausted for the next few months.
I had to leave a month before on DS I have a small frame and hips, he was huge, I felt much more prepared and relaxed facing the birth.
This is the only time off you'll have 2 weeks alone for at least 16 years, take it and enjoy it.

strawberriesandrosepetals · 20/08/2019 21:05

I worked until 8 hours before giving birth. Not the plan - baby had other ideas though. Just saying, you never know!

I would have loved to have a couple of weeks off to prepare and even at 34 weeks I was shattered, awake all night and my back was killing me. You need to look after yourself and also take a little time to leave the work stresses behind and look forward to the baby coming. I really wish I had had the chance. Take the time. Appreciate it.

If you weigh it up, is two weeks pay going to make that much difference compared to your physical and mental wellbeing and having time to prepare yourself? Just my opinion but I'd rather have gone without pay and yours is a bonus that you wouldn't normally have had so it's not losing out x

LatteLove · 20/08/2019 21:09

Your husband is a dick. Take the time off.

Jade218 · 20/08/2019 21:37

YANBU you're partner is. This about your health and baby, he doesn't understand what it's like to carry a child. If you were finishing two months early I'd probably agree with him but two weeks loss of pay is not worth your health

Original poster
MummyBear405 · 21/08/2019 06:19

Thank you for all of your responses and for sharing your experiences, it's made me feel less like I'm being silly and more like I'm being practical!

My DH is a very supportive, loving man but he constantly stresses about money ... we're not even that skint most of the time! He just gets stressed and doesn't know how to deal with it.

I did spot something in the company handbook that said the 2 weeks new parent leave is only available to those with 2 years service so I checked with the lady who I've been dealing with in HR and she said she didn't realise that so she'll have to check. A little bit of background I used to work for this company for 3 years before leaving & coming back and my DH has worked there for the last 6 years so she said she might be able to sort something.

DH is furious with me for even mentioning it to HR but I'm sure someone would have spotted it & not given it to me and as it's in the company handbook I wouldn't be able to argue it based on the fact that someone 'said so'.

If we'd planned to have that money and the company changed their minds we'd have been worse off so I thought it best to discuss it before it becomes an issue. Was that wrong? Feel like I'm trying to get all this sorted but I can't do anything right Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyBear405 · 21/08/2019 06:20

*not being silly

OP posts:
hodgeheg92 · 21/08/2019 06:27

@MummyBear405 You did the right thing in mentioning it, as you say you've already got a plan for that money. Pregnancy is a stressful time for both of you (more so for you, of course!) and it sounds like your DH is taking that stress out on you. Take some time to sit down together when you're not tired/emotional and talk through both of your worries.

CatteStreet · 21/08/2019 06:31

With my first baby I finished at just over 37 weeks (I could legally have stopped at 34 where I am on full pay, but I was in a university setting and felt I should get as much of the semester done as possible). I went into a protracted labour the following Monday and dc was born at 38 weeks. (And I went overdue with my second and third - completely the opposite to what one might expect). It would have been good to have a clear break before this all-encompassing change came upon me.

Lemonlady22 · 21/08/2019 06:41

All depends on what job you do tbh. Office job, okay to try to work if you can although you really cant see ahead for any probs that may occur (last 2 months of my 3rd pregnancy i couldnt walk). Manual job (shop, nursing, driving etc) totally unreasonable for him to think its feasable. Its you body so your call. Hope everything goes okay

DoraleeRhodes · 21/08/2019 06:49

Having had two pregnancies as a type 2 diabetic, I would say absolutely take the two weeks. I had very healthy pregnancies from a diabetes point of view, but still encountered issues towards the end and both of mine arrived at 36 weeks (my hospital like to deliver diabetics by 38 weeks anyway). At the very least the amount of monitoring you’ll have will increase towards the end, it’s exhausting.

BelulahBlanca · 21/08/2019 06:51

I finished at 37 weeks because I was moving but I had some heart issues before which my midwife advises me not to go back to work but work were able to give me very reduced duties so I could return. Pregnancy is so unpredictable it’s impossible to give a hard answer on anything.

EdtheBear · 21/08/2019 07:35

You did the right thing by mentioning it. Did you discuss the money at the interview stage?

How long are you budgeting to have off?

MerryChristmasHarry · 21/08/2019 07:41

If your DH thinks money is tight enough that a pregnant woman with a serious health condition not working right up to when she gives birth is a problem, he needs a new financial plan. Perhaps a second job for him temporarily.

Because you just cannot assume you'll be able to keep working until you give birth, or even to two weeks before. I mean, what's he going to do if you have to go off early? If you need even one sick day post 36 weeks, maternity leave starts automatically.

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 21/08/2019 07:43

I had two weeks off before my due date - I couldn't reach my computer as my stomach was so big! Ended up going 2 weeks over so I did regret the month sat on my arse but realistically I couldn't have managed going in 🤷‍♀️

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