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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask him to pay the rent..

52 replies

UnlawfulBananaPeeler · 20/08/2019 00:03

I am in the midst of a separation from my partner of 9 years.
We have two children 4 and 3.
When he moves out I would like him to pay the rent (£500) and that’s it by way of maintenance.
He earns £1,700 p/m
Is it unreasonable to ask this of him? Is it too much?
I don’t want to move as my eldest is starting school in September and we live just across the road and it’s already so much upheaval while they’re so little .

OP posts:
WhyBirdStop · 20/08/2019 00:04

Is that income before or after deductions?

PickAChew · 20/08/2019 00:05

What's your income? It's actually a big chunk out of his earnings.

You're best off claiming what you're entitled to and going through CMS for maintenance.

timshelthechoice · 20/08/2019 00:06

What is he supposed to live on if he's paying that much out? There's no way he'll be able to afford it on that low an income.

Walnutwhipster · 20/08/2019 00:10

That does seem a lot on £1700 a month.

WhyBirdStop · 20/08/2019 00:12

It's way more than CMS, it's almost a third of his earnings. Do you work, will you be entitled to UC?

TheCatsACunt · 20/08/2019 00:17

Are you married?

Is the property one you’ve been renting together?

SoLost101 · 20/08/2019 00:21

It’s to much.

SoLost101 · 20/08/2019 00:22

You will be entitled to less then 300 going by the cms calculator.

How is he meant to pay his own rent?

notapizzaeater · 20/08/2019 00:24

That seems a lot on the wage

choli · 20/08/2019 00:25

You can ask. He can comply or refuse. It's more than he would pay in maintenance so it's his choice.

BoneyBackJefferson · 20/08/2019 00:25

Based on www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance he should pay £272 pm if he has them EoW.

Henrysnoopy · 20/08/2019 00:25

That doesnt leave him alot to live on

Original poster
UnlawfulBananaPeeler · 20/08/2019 00:28

I’m a SAHM because he’s always said he earns more than me so I should stay home. I have literally nothing.
I did think it seemed a bit too much honestly but I wasn’t sure.
Yes it’s a house we’ve rented together. We aren’t married no.

OP posts:
Original poster
UnlawfulBananaPeeler · 20/08/2019 00:29

As a side note there’s a potential for for him to get accommodation through work therefore he wouldn’t have to pay any rent just bills

OP posts:
Henrysnoopy · 20/08/2019 00:31

You will either have to get a job or claim benefits such as housing benefit but he also needs to get accommodation, pay his own Bill's

howyoulikemenow · 20/08/2019 00:31

We have three children aged 6,4 and 3. Also separated after 9 years. He pays 277 as dictated by the government website calculation based on his wages (21k). So I'd say unless he earns a wad then you are BU. It's a lot of money...
Where's he going to live? How is he going to move on with his life paying you 500?

howyoulikemenow · 20/08/2019 00:32

Oh wait I've just seen that he doesn't earn a wad. So yeah definitely BU

Original poster
UnlawfulBananaPeeler · 20/08/2019 00:33

That’s his income after deductions.

He wouldn’t have them at all for any extended time as his shifts just don’t allow (another reason I’ve stayed home to work around his shifts) so there’s potential he’ll have them 2 days, as in morning till bedtime and then back to me.
Maybe one over night every now and again at his mums.
We’re working atm as I stay at my mums his night and he stays at his friends/family on my nights.

OP posts:
Original poster
UnlawfulBananaPeeler · 20/08/2019 00:37

It’s over whelming . Never thought I’d be in this this situation so I don’t know where to start and everything I’ve read just doesn’t make sense.

He must be on more than 21k I think he’s on £1,900 a month actually. It’s reduced atm because he’s paying back tax overpayments 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
howyoulikemenow · 20/08/2019 00:40

So he earns about 25k then. So his CMS calculation with no overnight stays comes out as 332. You're asking for quite a bit more. Can't harm to ask, but you are being unreasonable. You should be able to apply for benefits that will help you out if you are not employed. I'm a single SAHM and my rent is 595. You will be in a grace period for the benefit cap for a little while which will help too.

howyoulikemenow · 20/08/2019 00:42

Ah ok, so maybe 28/29k approximately then if his take home is 1900. 372 for 28k but no overnight stays, it would be reduced if there were.

WhyBirdStop · 20/08/2019 00:46

£1700 a month after deductions is £26k or there abouts. If his employer provides him with accommodation there is usually an impact to salary or tax as it's seen as a benefit. You will have to claim UC, if your youngest is under 3 you won't have to look for work until they are.

Original poster
UnlawfulBananaPeeler · 20/08/2019 00:46

Yeah I’ll have to see what I’m entitled to. We claimed tax credits so I don’t know if you stop them and move onto another kind of benefit. The idea was I’d get a job anyway but I feel delaying that will be wise until at least my eldest is settled in school and my youngest gets in pre school . It’s just a hard time for lots of change to be happening for them

OP posts:
pooopypants · 20/08/2019 00:48

It's almost a third of his take-home. How would he also pay bills? What income do you have to pay all the other bills?

Sounds like the time has come to get a job. Shitty, but needs must. You're asking for too much from his salary and judging by PP, CMS would agree.

Skittlenommer · 20/08/2019 00:49

Being an unmarried stay at home mum is a huge risk. You’re entitled to nothing from him minus maybe a little child maintenance which if CSA are anything to go by will be peanuts in comparison to what you need to survive.

You need to work on gaining some financial independence back and looking into what support you may be able to get.