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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask him to pay the rent..

52 replies

UnlawfulBananaPeeler · 20/08/2019 00:03

I am in the midst of a separation from my partner of 9 years.
We have two children 4 and 3.
When he moves out I would like him to pay the rent (£500) and that’s it by way of maintenance.
He earns £1,700 p/m
Is it unreasonable to ask this of him? Is it too much?
I don’t want to move as my eldest is starting school in September and we live just across the road and it’s already so much upheaval while they’re so little .

OP posts:
WhyBirdStop · 20/08/2019 00:49

It's change of circumstances, so will be UC. I think you have to attend certain getting ready to go back to work things when they are two, but once your youngest is 3 they expect you to work 16 hours or be actively looking.

howyoulikemenow · 20/08/2019 00:51

They'll likely move you onto UC as a change in circumstances often triggers it. You may need extra support from him financially then though as payments get delayed, so I would discuss this with him as a short term thing.

You need to get onto sorting the benefits ASAP though as it all takes time, and you shouldn't be expecting not to do it and just let him pay for somewhere he's not living. It's not right.

Original poster
UnlawfulBananaPeeler · 20/08/2019 00:59

I only would have tax credits as extra income until I sorted everything out.
I don’t know what’s normal to pay and not pay I’ve never been in this situation and nobody I know has either. At this point we’re both sort of living there just not at the same time.
I’ll have to sit down with him and make a plan. Does maintenance need to be sorted with a mediator/court?

OP posts:
flirtygirl · 20/08/2019 01:04

Op no offence but you néed to do some googling. Read all about child maintenance, universal credit, etc

Henrysnoopy · 20/08/2019 01:04

Its needs must op I ended up a single mom after ex left when ds was 1 I was due to return to university to finish my nursing degree but I ended up getting a job to support myself and ds and It was a while before i got any maintenance. You end up sorting things out and you find you're own feet.

howyoulikemenow · 20/08/2019 01:06

No it doesn't, unless he refuses to pay. As someone said above you do need to do some Googling. Gov website is very helpful and the Gingerbread single parents website too.

Original poster
UnlawfulBananaPeeler · 20/08/2019 01:09

I did a bit of googling but I think my head is a bit up my own arse to understand anything atm.
I’ll look again with fresh eyes tomorrow.

OP posts:
quizqueen · 20/08/2019 01:16

I don't think £500 is too much. I don't see why the tax payer should have to pay anything towards anyone's failed relationships. He can go and live with family or lodge somewhere and you can go out to work too.

howyoulikemenow · 20/08/2019 01:18

@quizqueen, you do realise that even if she goes out to work the 'tax payer' will still be paying right? Because she'll get working tax credit and money to help with childcare...

It always makes me laugh when people say this shit, as if every working parent pays the entirety of it all on their own.

Wehttam · 20/08/2019 01:27

Exactly howyoulikemenow we end up paying for them in the long run, some people just can’t seem to be independent and always have the odd few excuses as well. Maybe after Brexit this pandering to those with child will stop? lol 😂

Original poster
UnlawfulBananaPeeler · 20/08/2019 01:36

This was a thread for advice not for the ‘burn the benefit users’ to come out with with their pitch forks and talk the crap about supporting the whole country on their pay checks .
I payed my tax for YEARS and never claimed a penny until recently. You should think you pay your tax to help yourself in the future if you should need it . We’re all one bad day away from needing extra help.
I’d be happy if the tax I paid for years went to feeding a child or making sure he had socks for school or helping someone poorly to not have to drag them self to work every day.

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 20/08/2019 05:40

If you’ve paid taxes for years and years then surely you have job skills o can easily pick up work?

You have two children to support, sheet madness to not be making it a priority to get a job. What if he loses his and can’t pay minimum child support let alone the large amount you want so you can live where you like.

GPatz · 20/08/2019 06:13

I would be looking at getting a job and getting a fairer contact arrangement.

adaline · 20/08/2019 06:57

You'll need to get a job OP - you're youngest is three so the government will expect you to either be looking for work or already working at least 16 hours a week. £500 way above the CMS minimum (not that that's great, but it's a fact) and he could easily decide to drop down to minimum payments if he decided that paying £500 a month was unaffordable for him.

You're not married and therefore have no rights to anything beyond child maintenance unfortunately.

Are you private renting? Your landlord may not allow you to continue to live there if you're dependent on your ex to pay the rent. After all, he could easily decide to stop and he'd be legally within his rights to do so.

Remember he's going to have to buy or rent at least a two bed place himself so he has somewhere for the kids to sleep over - that's not cheap. Add on bills and £500 you want him to pay and he's going to have very little left over each month. His CMS rate is probably 2/3's of your rent which I think is fairer - he's paying the DC's share and you pay your own.

PookieDo · 20/08/2019 07:03

If you are unemployed it depends on the ages of your DC but you will need to claim universal credit as it’s a change of circumstances and you may have to actively seek some work hours. But you may also claim HB to cover your rent

You need to open up a UC claim online and book an appointment with an advisor

You also do need to tell your landlord as you will need your rental agreement with only your name on for any claim/25% council tax discount

PookieDo · 20/08/2019 07:05

^this is once he has moved out

Original poster
UnlawfulBananaPeeler · 20/08/2019 07:21

I will be looking at getting a job, but at this point it’s still summer holidays, my children don’t start school/pre school till the second week of September so it’s not like I can get a job and start within a week.
I’m thinking of what can tide me over until then.

Not much I can do about the contact arrangement really because his shifts are too unpredictable, and the children are very very reliant on me.

OP posts:
PookieDo · 20/08/2019 09:15

No you don’t have to go and get a job between now and 5th September but you need to be realistic about how this is going to work

While your partner lives with you you can update your TC claim. They may then say you need to change onto universal credit

Under UC you will be able to claim rent, tax credits and childcare costs as a single parent

To claim universal credit you need a lot of documentation and you may not pass the claim if your ex is living in the same house

If he’s living with you then either he is going to have to support you or you will need to get a job. You are no longer a couple

He needs to move out one day
You need to arrange with LL a new tenancy agreement in just your name or ask ex to write a formal letter saying he no longer lives with you. Sometimes (but I can’t promise) this will be accepted for benefit purposes
Call council tax and get single occupancy discount
Go online and start a UC claim on gov.uk website
You will need identity documents for you and DC, tenancy agreement, proof of child benefit, bank statements etc
UC may say you need to look for work, to be able to make your claim. They will expect you to seek work for a certain no of hours per week
Start a claim for child support or agree an amount with your ex

Amber2019 · 20/08/2019 09:29

When he moves out you can claim uc, you will be expected to job search but you will likely during that time recieve around 1200 per month, that includes your rent element, 2x child element and a single person element. Any child maintenance will be extra and not counted in that. Not an ideal situation but benefits are there to help in situations like this. When you get a job the uc will be tapered off. You are expected to work 16 hours when your youngest is 3. Been in this situation before, it's not great but its manageable.

IsobelRae23 · 20/08/2019 09:29

Don’t take the comments to heart OP. I had those when I went on benefits (health reasons), until I pointed out to some of those that thought it wise to comment, that actually my tax and insurance for the previous 10 years, had been higher each month than their take home pay. Surprising how many ‘well that’s different’ comments I had. No it bloody isn’t, none of us know what’s going to happen tomorrow. I didn’t know a stupid women couldn’t be arsed to look when she pulled out of a junction into me. 10 years later I’m still dealing with that decision, and will do for life.

IsobelRae23 · 20/08/2019 09:29

(Sorry, I’m not a keyboard warrior, it just gets to me)

MsFrosty · 20/08/2019 09:31

You would be claiming universal credit once separated so should be claiming your rent through that. He should just be paying child maintenance

Original poster
UnlawfulBananaPeeler · 20/08/2019 15:48

Thanks @IsobelRae23 it seems that people just come to have a go ( even though I hadn’t mentioned benefits in my OP) I’m sorry to hear about your accident, like i said we’re all one bad day away from needing help.

I’m going to do lots of research tonight

OP posts:
adaline · 20/08/2019 16:43

Where has anyone had a go at you? Confused

PookieDo · 20/08/2019 16:51

Sorry talking you about working was not meant to be an insult but just a heads up what will be asked of you. And you need to expect that it will be