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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am I being precious or are they being mean

51 replies

Littleteacup1 · 19/08/2019 19:56

Told friends that we should all go to London for Christmas shopping they all agreed. Was mentioned a few times over the summer and recently mentioned again in the group chat recently again. When I call friend A from the group chat she mentioned her and friend B has set a date for the end of the month. I can’t go I’m working that day just started a new job I’ve mentioned it a few times said how disappointed I was that I can’t make it. No ones mentioned changing the date at all. I’ve had a tough summer and was hoping as it was my idea they would be willing to change feels like they don’t want me to come.

OP posts:
greyspottedgoose · 19/08/2019 19:58

No that's mean if it's something you have all discussed, I'm sure someone will be along in a minute to tell you to woman up, but I'd be hurt by that.

Are you close enough to brazen it out and say that doesn't work for me can we rearrange?

marvellousnightforamooncup · 19/08/2019 19:58

Mean, it was your idea!

NoBaggyPants · 19/08/2019 19:58

Have you suggested an alternative date?

Sounds like you're moaning but not taking any proactive action.

Original poster
Littleteacup1 · 19/08/2019 20:01

I suggested going at Christmas time but they apparently can’t afford or don’t have the time then

OP posts:
Original poster
Littleteacup1 · 19/08/2019 20:03

Can any of you do London on the Saturday instead? Just sent this x

OP posts:
RedSheep73 · 19/08/2019 20:05

Another vote for 'that doesn't work for me, can we rearrange'. And suggest an alternative. If they still persist you know they are mean and not good friends.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 19/08/2019 20:08

But shopping at the end of August isn't Christmas Shopping , it's just "Shopping"

Unless you plan going to Harrods who IIRC open their Christmas Shop in August (but it'll still be there in December)

Poppi89 · 19/08/2019 20:52

If it was my idea I would be upset too and I don't really get upset over things like this.
Unless it is something that you all do quite often, or this date was preplanned and they've booked their tickets and can't chnage them but if not then I would have to ask them outright if they can go another time because it was your idea and was really looking forward to it.

Poppi89 · 19/08/2019 20:53

Also it's extra mean and the 2 friends seemed to have arranged it without even checking with you first! Was it meant to be just the 3 of you?

Original poster
Littleteacup1 · 07/09/2019 22:41

I messaged the group chat told them how I felt Two weeks ago didn’t go down well apparently I was guilt trip if them for wanting to hang out wasn’t there fault I couldn’t come why should they cancel. I asked numerous times about weather they could change the date but no other date was possible. They never went friend was too ill so they changed it for the weekend after didn’t tell me until 2 days later by which point I had told work I was free to work. Do I bring up the fact the date couldn’t be changed for me but could be for them or shall I leave it ?

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 07/09/2019 22:47

Leave it. Don’t beg.

LordNibbler · 07/09/2019 22:52

They don't seem to want you to go. I think you need to accept it and move on. They don't sound like very kind friends to me.

purpleme12 · 07/09/2019 23:03

Personally I probably wouldn't be able to resist commenting that I thought they couldn't change the date but that's just me

Original poster
Littleteacup1 · 08/09/2019 07:49

I know I haven’t commented I didn’t say anything just going to leave it think it’s all coming from one girl possibly. She rang me a few days ago to say that I wasn’t welcome at her boyfriends surprise party as he may find it awkward due to us getting together at a party when I was 17 he’s now 27 and I’m 25 but other friend can go as she knows another girl

OP posts:
Heartburn888 · 08/09/2019 07:54

Wow sounds like a shit bunch of friends. I wouldn’t be able to resist either and I feel like if something isn’t said they would continue to treat you like an after thought.

I’d find someone else you can go with on a date that’s good for you and start phasing these cows out of your life.

Sounds very petulant, I mean not invited to a birthday party because you got with her bf nearly 10 years prior. Tell them to fuck off you deserve better. It’s her own insecurities and nothing to do with you

Weezol · 08/09/2019 07:57

They don't sound much like friends to me. How long have you known them?

MovinOnUp · 08/09/2019 08:02

These people are not your friends.
It's time to stop trying with them.

Original poster
Littleteacup1 · 08/09/2019 08:11

I known them since junior school one of the girls I’ve been on off friends with the other I’ve been inseparable since but not so much recently x

OP posts:
Weezol · 08/09/2019 08:25

It sounds like you have outgrown each other - it's easy to mistake length of friendship for quality of friendship.

For now, stop chasing them up and offering ideas. Take a step back for a couple of weeks and see what happens.

Butchyrestingface · 08/09/2019 08:26

Time for new friends! Smile

Juells · 08/09/2019 08:32

:( They're not friends :(

I'd leave the group. They're communicating with each other and making arrangements that don't include you.

Hederex · 08/09/2019 08:39

This is very mean.
These women aren't your friends.
Cut them out and look for new ones. Flowers

JacquesHammer · 08/09/2019 08:42

How incredibly unkind.

YANBU, they’re rubbish friends.

Mammylamb · 08/09/2019 08:44

They’re mean. Make new friends x

dottiedodah · 08/09/2019 08:58

I think one of the girls obviously doesnt want you to go ,due to the incident some years ago!.Seems very petty but she is not very secure is she?.The old saying twos company ,three is a crowd seems very apt here.Do you have any other friends to go with?.Sometimes be brave maybe ask at the office ,if anyone you are friends with, would like to come or even put on the Notice Board!.A lady I know from walking our dogs ,mentioned she had never been to the Tower Of London ,so I asked if she would like to go with me!.Going in a couple of weeks time!