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Original poster

I am I being precious or are they being mean

51 replies

Littleteacup1 · 19/08/2019 19:56

Told friends that we should all go to London for Christmas shopping they all agreed. Was mentioned a few times over the summer and recently mentioned again in the group chat recently again. When I call friend A from the group chat she mentioned her and friend B has set a date for the end of the month. I can’t go I’m working that day just started a new job I’ve mentioned it a few times said how disappointed I was that I can’t make it. No ones mentioned changing the date at all. I’ve had a tough summer and was hoping as it was my idea they would be willing to change feels like they don’t want me to come.

OP posts:
RhiWrites · 08/09/2019 09:00

These people don’t sound like good friends. Start forming other connections.

clairedelalune · 08/09/2019 09:05

I would remove myself from the group and not give them a second thought. I was neat that decision about the shopping trip, then you mentioned the party.

clairedelalune · 08/09/2019 09:06

*near

MyNewBearTotoro · 08/09/2019 09:10

Sounds like you’re a group of three friends, but that one of them is trying to push you out and have her and the other friend do more things as a pair. To be honest if the other friend isn’t standing up for you when she’s trying to do this I would just step back and leave them to it. Neither sound that nice if they’re happy to leave you out - I would concentrate on other friendships.

ParentingFailsandPigtails · 08/09/2019 09:30

Im a third of my first ever successful 3-way friendship. All of us are mid/late thirties 2/3 of us have known each other 15 years and we met our 3rd amigo about 8 years ago. We have a very easy, happy friendship and endeavour never to leave one out. Thats not to say we don't organise stuff with just 2 out of the three, but none of us would ever want one to feel left out. I am by far the softest and easiest target in life, and even I can cope. There are times Im sad about stuff, but that's my issue rather than something anyone has done.

They sound as though they need to do a lot of growing up, and maybe its worth leaving them to it for a while. I am sorry to hear you've had a shit year and people can be so mean about party invites as adults.

To put it into perspective one of my best school friends married my ex boyfriend and I was bridesmaid. Didn't think anything of it, I am married with 3 kids, and zero harboured feelings for any of my exes, and I am truly happy they are happy together.

Going to go with your friend probably wouldn't invite me either Grin

It is so hard when you feel left out, can you do a trip with some nicer folks at some point? @Littleteacup1

You deserve better I would say Flowers

H x

greentheme23 · 08/09/2019 10:15

My girlfriends and I arrange these things over a WhatsApp and we don't set the date until everyone is included and happy. They don't seem like friends tbh. What you do and say now depends upon whether you are happy to accept the consequences. I don't think I could help myself and would have to say what I feel!

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 08/09/2019 10:21

Is it just the 3 of you in the chat or are there others?

If there are others ask has anyone a date in mind for Christmas shopping. It sounds like Friend A and Friend B are just going for a day out together. That shouldn't be an issue.

However if it's just the 3 of you in the group then it sounds like one of them wants to phase you out.

Atalune · 08/09/2019 10:23

Sounds like they are mean girls.

TwinPair · 08/09/2019 10:25

think it’s all coming from one girl possibly.

I think you have found the issue. She is 'wendying' you. Mn term for girl who befriends you and your friends and then excludes you from the group.

PleasedToSeeYou · 08/09/2019 10:31

This happened to a friend of mine. It was heartbreaking to see how hurt she was. She stayed friends with them but they've done it again. Walk away now, you don't need them.

Actionhasmagic · 08/09/2019 10:34

These girls aren’t friends

Uniformuniformuniform · 08/09/2019 10:34

I would message this. However not everyone would agree.
It is clear you guys do not value my friendship anymore. It's a shame as I thought we were good friends. To make it easier and less embarrassing for yourselves to keep back tracking and changing your mind I will end the friend ship and save you the trouble. If you didn't want to be friends anymore you could have been grown up enough to tell me rather than play school games and freezing me out. Have fun on your trip/s. No hard feelings.

Then leave the group. They aren't friends OP. No friends is better than shit friends. Trust me.

MaryPopppins · 08/09/2019 10:38

@Uniformuniformuniform's message was perfect.

Find yourself some friends who want to spend time with you.

These women aren't your friends. X

PegasusReturns · 08/09/2019 10:48

Oh god don't send an "I'm ending this friendship text". It's passive aggressive and pointless - they've already made their feelings clear.

Just leave it. For whatever reason one of them doesn't want you there. It's horrible but move on. Find better friends.

Uniformuniformuniform · 08/09/2019 10:50

What's wrong with being passive aggressive? It's not anyway she's telling the truth at what they are doing.

If more people are called out on their bullying it would happen less. People are always told to just leave it and move on. Why? They should be told why you are leaving and move on.

Stand up to Bullys. And yes they are bullying. Freezing someone out on purpose is bullying

aliceneedswine · 08/09/2019 11:04

It depends what you're comfortable with OP. I hate confrontation so I just wouldn't bother with these girls again and go NC. One is bully and the other is enabling her. If you want to send a message like the one up thread then you would not be BU to send it. You have out grown them. Find some new friends that appreciate you and want to spend time with you. Leave the pathetic bitches to their school girl games.

Getoffmylilo · 08/09/2019 11:24

Agree with Uniform that it's bullying. Do your best to walk away, they'll know what they're doing is mean, they won't want to deal with any fall out and will turn it on you one way or another. Take a deep breath and move on, focus on other people, make your own plans and if they re-engage (no doubt as if nothing has happened or you're the one at fault) see how you feel.

Getoffmylilo · 08/09/2019 11:37

Also (because this stuff really pisses me off!) go to London without them - either with other friends or by yourself - and do a whole bunch of things you'd really like to do or see, which may include things that those two herberts wouldn't have wanted to. Doesn't matter what it is. Your agenda, your trip, you can do anything you like, big present to yourself.

MyKingdomForBrie · 08/09/2019 11:42

They don't want you around, for whatever reason. You need to cut this negativity out of your life - don't do anything dramatic just stop messaging them, be busy if they do suggest anything. It'll fade gradually out.

RavenLG · 08/09/2019 11:48

I known them since junior school
This whole thing still sounds like junior school. I would back out of this friendship group, they sound immature and not nice. You can do better friends wise.

Hahaha88 · 08/09/2019 11:54

God don't send a text anything like uniforms suggestion. Please do not lower yourself to their childish behaviour by flouncing. Just step back, they aren't your friends. I'm sorry

user1471449295 · 08/09/2019 11:57

They don’t want you there op.

mehmehmehmeh · 08/09/2019 12:01

They're not your friends op. I'd block them and forget them.

grassygrass · 08/09/2019 12:06

Ahh. So one of them is extremely insecure and thinks you're going to seduce her boyfriend because you got off with him at a party 8 years ago. She's a dick and definitely not a friend worth having and the other one is just as bad for allowing the shitty behaviour.

Ignore them op. You could have some fun with it and maybe join them on their next meet up but check with the jealous one first that her boyfriend won't be there as he keeps looking at you and making you uncomfortable and obviously because of all the history it would be best he wasn't thereWink.

Personally I would just move on and make some new friends. Thanks

GlasshouseStoneThrower · 08/09/2019 12:09

Definitely mean!

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