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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ban in laws from my house

25 replies

MG08 · 19/08/2019 19:31

There is a massive background to this but very basically I have fallen out with my in laws due to how they have treated me in the past and I have chosen not to see them anymore. They turned up at our house and my MIL told me to shut up and said that she never wanted to see me again.

We are due to go on holiday soon and my parents are also going away at the same time. We have pets that will need looking after. I want to pay to have someone come round and feed them etc as I am not comfortable having my in laws in my home anymore. I think my husband will kick off about this and just want to know if I am being reasonable?

OP posts:

Summerunderway · 19/08/2019 19:39

Pet sitter? Neighbour? Cattery? Kennels?
Yanbu to ban her from your house.

Willow2017 · 19/08/2019 19:40

No way would she be back though the door.

Arrange someone to.come see to.pets with strict instructions that pil do not get in the house. I suspect if she is that bad she will try to wangle herself in to have a good nosey for something to rant at you about.

Mil chose to be a bitch you don't have to see her again. Your dp should have your back on this.

73Sunglasslover · 19/08/2019 20:00

I can see why that feels tough for your OH but I can also see where you're coming from. I guess you need to think about the longer term. You can avoid your MIL forever, but your OH probably won't. So will he ever entertain her at your house while you're out? In which case might it be more reasonable for her to animal sit for you?

Croquembou · 19/08/2019 20:03

I don't like either of my in-laws, they're garbage people. But they are, at the end of the day, my husband's parents and I do think, whatever my issues with them, he deserves a relationship with his parents.

Just get him to sort out the admin for it and enjoy your holiday.

IAskTooManyQuestions · 19/08/2019 20:05

Is it only your house or is it co-owned? Does your DH get a say in his own home ?

Passthecherrycoke · 19/08/2019 20:05

I don’t think you can ban them from your and your husbands house tbh. If he’s not on the same side as you the banning will never work

onalongsabbatical · 19/08/2019 20:09

Get a pet/house sitter, OP. I do it - it's free - sitter gets a holiday, you get pet care etc. www.housesittersuk.co.uk/

Summerunderway · 19/08/2019 20:09

If the dh wants to see them he can go visit them. His respect for dw wishes should come first...
He married her not mil...

RonnieScotts · 19/08/2019 20:25

Would not have them over my threshold again.

Ponoka7 · 19/08/2019 20:29

Well the holiday isn't going to go well, if you and your DH aren't on the same page.

Are they both your pets?

He does get a say. Why did she tell you to shut up?

Drum2018 · 19/08/2019 20:33

Ask a neighbour. In your circumstances I wouldn't want them in my house, especially while I was away. Once you find someone to help then tell dh it's sorted. I assume they don't have a key to your house.

Bambamber · 19/08/2019 20:33

YANBU

Has your husband seen how they treat you and how does he feel about it? Does he stand up for you?

Original poster

MG08 · 19/08/2019 21:07

My husband still sees his parents at their house, he still has a relationship with them and we have a child who he takes to see them without me. He doesn't generally stand up for me, he's the type of person who will agree with whoever he is speaking to at the time. He said about going out for the day with them shortly after MIL had screamed that she never wanted to see me again...

It is our joint home and they are both our pets but I will not be able to enjoy the holiday thinking about them being in our home, but there's never a limit of what they can do to me in my husbands eyes hence the worry that he won't understand.

I have found someone who can pet sit for us at a reasonable cost but I don't really know what to do!

OP posts:

Davidbowiestrousers · 19/08/2019 21:13

Get the pet sitter

Steppenwolverine · 19/08/2019 21:18

Just explain that you aren’t comfortable with them being in your home in your absence given the recent breakdown in your relationship with Mil and that you will make alternative arrangements for pet sitting

Livelovebehappy · 19/08/2019 21:55

Well we are only getting one side of this story. Nothing telling us what’s lead up to the argument. Yes, MIL screamed she never wanted to see OP again, but there clearly is a backstory, and ops reluctance to elaborate on it makes me wonder what that backstory might be?

Willow2017 · 19/08/2019 22:23

Livelovebehappy
It's really nobody's business what backstory there is.

Op is nc because her mil has done things to.her in the past and her oh allows it.
That's enough to know plus the crap at her on her own doorstep.
That alone would do it for me.

LadyRannaldini · 19/08/2019 22:33

Is your husband allowed to ban his in-laws from his house or is it a one-way street?

Lumene · 19/08/2019 22:38

It’s his house too. She is his mum. YABU to insist he agrees to ban his mum from his house if he doesn’t want to.

Original poster

MG08 · 20/08/2019 00:22

I haven't elaborated because there is too much to say. My husband has no reason to ban his in laws from our house as they haven't done what mine have done to me, so it can't just work both ways.

I am going to organise the pet sitter as I am already finding the constant memories of the verbal abuse I got in my own home too much, and I cannot deal with the thought of them here again, especially on their own. I realised that there is no way I would be allowed to enter their home on my own either.

OP posts:

dollydaydream114 · 20/08/2019 00:45

To be honest, if you're not speaking to these people it would be really fucking cheeky to ask them to look after your pets, even if you were happy to have them in the house. I'd had a row with someone and it was so bad that we weren't speaking and I'd told them I never wanted to see them again, I wouldn't be happily popping round to do them a favour while they were on holiday.

Anyway. It's absolutely understandable that you don't want them in the house if your relationship with them has broken down to that extent, so YANBU to get a pet-sitter.

It would certainly be unreasonable if you were telling your husband he can't see his parents, but that doesn't appear to be the case - you're simply saying you don't want them in your house unsupervised, which I do think is fair.

I assume you'd let them visit the house when you were out and DH was there, though? Because it certainly wouldn't be fair to stop that.

donotcovertheradiator · 20/08/2019 01:19

Just suggest that all in-laws are banned. That's fair because you cannot ban his parents from coming to his home, no more than he can wake up one morning and ban yours.

Original poster

MG08 · 20/08/2019 05:23

I've no issue with them coming to our house when I'm out as of course it's my husbands home too, as you say my issue is with them being there unsupervised. I don't need to ban my parents as well as they haven't done anything wrong, they just happen to be going on holiday at the same time as us as my mum looks after our child when I am at work. If they weren't going away too they'd be looking after our pets.

OP posts:

Teaandcrisps · 20/08/2019 05:35

So why doesn't your OH stand up for you?

Original poster

MG08 · 20/08/2019 09:21

Because it's still very much a child/parent relationship between them.

OP posts:

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