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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I was rude, but WIBU?

75 replies

Brittany2019 · 19/08/2019 18:13

The measles thread has reminded me of this...

A few months ago, I was taking a plane home with my DD to see my mother who had terminal cancer. There was a woman with a toddler in front of us, covered in spots. The toddler was running around, putting his hands all over everything as toddlers do.

I asked the Mum (quite rudely, I admit, but I was really stressed) “Is that chickenpox he has?”
“Yes”, says the Mum. There was a long pause, with me trying to find a way to say something that wasn’t “Wtf, you selfish arsehole?” After what seemed like an eternity, she added “but he’s had it for 10 days now, so isn’t contagious anymore.” So....fine, hopefully.

My AIBU is this...was I wrong to ask her about it? (Although I absolutely could have and should have asked in a nicer way.) The spots didn’t look scabbed over at all, tbh, so I had no idea how long the child was poxy for. WSBU to bring her poxy child on a plane and not think that some people might be freaking out about it for valid reasons? What should one do in this scenario?

Also, if the mother is on here, I’m sorry I was so rude.

OP posts:
BlackSwan · 19/08/2019 21:27

It is unbelievably selfish to travel with kids with chickenpox. I would have been far less polite than you.

Growingfrenchlavender - you say kindness matters? Are you for real. Quit posting.

growingfrenchlavender · 19/08/2019 21:27

I am sorry for your loss Flowers

sara the op said that life doesn’t carry on as normal - it does - and part of that life has to be showing one another compassion.

You were both in difficult situations OP.

growingfrenchlavender · 19/08/2019 21:28

No, BlackSwan, I’ll make that call thanks all the same Hmm

CleverLoginName · 19/08/2019 21:28

I asked a lady on holiday if her oozing spot covered child sat on a sun bed had chicken pox. She said he had recovered. He clearly hadn't. She then said they had been cooped up in room for 3 days and she needed some sun. He was in the pool too. Made me very cross as DS hadn't had it and had his 11+ exam three weeks later. We tried to keep away

HotPenguin · 19/08/2019 21:30

I don't think you were rude, unless you said it in a rude or aggressive way. Also by the way, the fact he was touching or dribbling on seats is irrelevant. Anyone on the plane who wasn't immune could have caught it because it travels in the air. I think you can catch it from being in the same room as someone else for 10 minutes.

fluffyjumper · 19/08/2019 21:32

I would have done the same op. When my mum was I'll I kept my dd off preschool due to an outbreak of chickenpox. I did alot of the medical things my mum needed like flushing picc lines, taking blood etc so I couldn't not see her.

When going on holiday abroad it's a risk you take that you may contract a contagious illness, it's your duty to isolate yourself to prevent spreading it. It makes me so cross when people dont think of others, like diarrhoea and vomiting. If you have please stay away from the hospital. 1 our patients really dont need it, 2 if we are sick with then there is no one to replace us and your relative or friend will not get proper care.

Rant over, you didn't sound rude to me op, just emotionally stressed so a bit direct.

Rachelover40 · 19/08/2019 21:32

I doubt the child was still infectious, I remember when mine had chicken pox I was told that as soon as spots started to dry up, he couldn't pass it on to anyone. He still had spots but they were dry.

You were a bit rude really, especially as the little one wasn't going to infect anyone after ten days. Something you, as a parent, should have known. However it's all over now so try and forget it. We all make mistakes.

DuchessDarty · 19/08/2019 21:33

I don’t know if you were rude - depends on tone - but to a certain extent I think it’s a pointless Q to ask unless the intention is to shame. Because you have no way of knowing whether she’s lying with the 10 days, or even mid-calculated and over-estimated. The only people who could get a status factory answer are the airline staff as they could ask for fit to fly certificates and doctors’ notes.

CloudPop · 19/08/2019 21:34

In response to a previous post, travel insurance will indeed cover the cancellation of a holiday when one member of the party has chicken pox (this happened to us some years ago)

TeeniefaeTroon · 19/08/2019 21:35

Nah you weren't rude and the mum
should have expected parents to comment. My son has had chicken pox for the last week and he's going back to school tomorrow. They're all scabbed over and he looks awful but I'll obviously speak to the teacher as he goes into School and will be reassuring other mums while we're waiting for them to go in.

DuchessDarty · 19/08/2019 21:35

Oh fgs with auto-correct:

“Status factory”? Hmm SATISFACTORY

And MIS-calculated

Robs20 · 19/08/2019 21:40

No you were not rude at all. My dd was immunosuppressed and everyday viruses and illness could (and eventually did) kill her. Annoying as it was for the mum to answer the question, for those of us caring for vulnerable people, it is essential to know these things and avoid all possibility of catching these things. Don’t stress about it anymore, she will also have forgotten about it!

MrMeSeeks · 19/08/2019 21:45

growingfrenchlavender
You clearly disagree, so why not leave the thread instead of making callous and upsetting remarks to a grieving person Hmm

Im sorry for your loss op, Flowers it feels as if life really does not go on, i know Flowers
Don’t beat yourself up over this.
I don’t think you were rude at all.
Look after yourself.

saraclara · 19/08/2019 21:49

In the OP's question, I would have asked too. Simply to establish it so that I could ask the cabin staff for a seat away from the child if necessary.

Original poster
Brittany2019 · 19/08/2019 21:49

Thank you to the very kind people who answered my question and also to those of you who expressed their sympathies.

As it turns out,@NailsNeedDoing answered my question earlier with her very simple solution of just asking the airline crew, which is the obvious choice, but one which I really didn’t think of doing. so, yay, all sorted.

Again, thanks to everyone who replied.

OP posts:
Original poster
Brittany2019 · 19/08/2019 21:53

@Robs20 I’m so sorry about your DD. Flowers

OP posts:
OneHanded · 19/08/2019 22:06

I work in travel insurance claims, we underwrite LOADS of policies and we’d cover if child was contagious and nftf on all of them 😊

user27495824 · 19/08/2019 22:08

I genuinely don't understand how you asking was rude?

skeemee · 19/08/2019 22:21

I unknowingly took my son on a very long flight to LA when he had chickenpox. It wasn't until we arrived at the hotel, getting undressed for bath time that I realised he was absolutely covered in spots. So he was likely to have been at the contagious stage for the whole journey. I still feel bad about it, but honestly was completely unaware.

HaileySherman · 20/08/2019 03:00

Is there no vaccine for that in the uk? It's pretty standard here in the US. Just asking, not trying to be controversial but chicken pox this day and age?

HaileySherman · 20/08/2019 03:05

Ok i googled it and apparently it's not a standard vaccination in the UK. Learn something new everyday. Sorry

Durgasarrow · 20/08/2019 03:46

What the hell. Chickenpox on a plane! You have every right to ask. That is no joke. And if 100 people ask parents who drag their sick child covered in spots from an infectious disease into a public place where hundreds of people will be forced to interact with that child, they can damned well put up with it.

Mothership4two · 20/08/2019 05:58

I can remember when my cousin came to stay with chicken pox but no longer 'infectious' when I was 16 and then catching it and having the most miserable summer of my life.

Chicken pox can be risky in pregnancy - thinking chances there would be a pregnant woman on the plane would be quite high.

Mileysmiley · 20/08/2019 06:13

@Brittany2019

I would have shouted as loud as I can "I hope everyone has had chicken pox on this plane because if you haven't the child infront of me has it because their considerate mother decided to risk taking them on a plane !"

My friend had chicken pox in 30s and ended up in hospital extremely ill because it can be serious if you contract when you are an adult.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 20/08/2019 10:54

Speaking to the cabin crew would have been the right call. They might have been able to move you to another seat if you had explained your concerns in relation to your DM's condition. I'm very sorry for your loss Thanks

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