Fiance's excitement towards best friends pregnancy news

[Tp93]

We have one child and another one on the way. With the first child he was really scared and didn't react very well although we were trying for the baby we were living with his parents at the time while our house was being built so a grown man was terrified of telling his parents we were having a baby so I had to tell them 🤨 throughout my pregnancy he didn't seem that excited unless he was talking to friends about the pregnancy.
The second time we tried for this baby also and we found out at the doctors office he just said "I told you so!" Then that was his reaction. He works long hours so I don't like to bother him with my aches and pains with this pregnancy.

Last night he went to his best friends house for dinner, our child was sick so I stayed home, he sent me a photo of them announcing their pregnancy! I was so happy for them they had just been married a few months prior and I knew this is what the wife has always wanted. When he got home he was literally jumping for joy! And I mean jumping around the house with excitement for them saying how he will be so involved and the kids will be so close in age and we should move closer to them (we are 30 minutes away at the moment) so we can have play dates etc. Of course he should be happy for his best friend and his wife but why didn't I get this reaction he's more excited about their pregnancy than he has been for both of mine. It's a bit hurtful I don't even know why I'm posting just more venting

I can see why this may happen - with his own child he will have worries and fears (personally I was too scared it may go wrong to be happy). With someone else's child you can be happy for them and not worry about the hard stuff. I hope that helps you put a different perspective on it - but I would (gently) ask him nevertheless.

Had he been drinking at the friends house 😅

It's not so much the pregnancy he's excited by, more the impending child that his friend is going to have. He's picturing your dc and theirs being friends in the future and that's something he's obviously looking forward to.

Lots of men don't get very excited before their child is actually here, after all they aren't the one experiencing the pregnancy. I think the fact he's so happy for his friend tells you that he feels fatherhood is a really positive thing.

You speak about 'their pregnancy' but you speak about you having a baby as either 'this pregnancy' or 'my pregnancy'.

he's more excited about their pregnancy than he has been for both of mine

I'm not sure if this is because you feel he's not part of the process, but it might be an indication that you need to involve him more.

But yanbu to think he should be at least as excited about your baby than about his friends - but maybe his joy isn't because his friend is having a baby, but because he will be able to share experiencing parenthood with him?

Is he Tom Cruise, with all this “jumping around”?

Why would he be suggesting you move when you have just built a house?!

Literally jumping round the house? Was there a lot of alcohol consumed at this dinner?

He sounds a bit weak-minded to me, as if he needs self-affirmation from his friends more than he does from himself. I agree with a lot of what Mathanxiety said here.

I think unfortunately it sounds like he is one of those people who is bored to tears of babies and family life and now he has a friend to help share the load. It's sad but hopefully this friend will help him embrace the positives of that family life.

Is it possible everyone at the dinner was really excited for them and he got swept away in the moment, especially if he was drinking.

Is he not happy that his mate will essentially be doing the ‘fatherhood’ thing with him? Shoulder to cry on? As for woman it’s easier for us to have at least one dependable friend who kind of gets the same shit we’re getting... so there could be that?

Yes you're all right, he is excited that he can share what he has experienced for the past 2 years with his best friend which I totally get i have my sister's to vent and relate to whereas he has no one as his sister isn't going to have children so he doesn't have family to talk to if that makes sense.
He's a great father and partner and we definitely planned for the children in fact he would have loved to have had them earlier but I guess I was hoping for the same excitement as he was when he came home from their house.

Is it also likely that the friends announced after the “safe” 12 week stage whereas your DH would obviously have found out as soon as you did? My husband was very very cautious about celebrating until we were out of the risk zone, he felt that would make it even harder if something went wrong.

I totally get it. My best friend and I were pregnant at the same time with our first, and now again with our second (although very early days for me). The thought of BFF's little baby is much less scary - cute little babygros, cuddles, handing back! But my babies mean sleepless nights, guilt, the responsibility of raising good human beings, endless laundry.