Fiance's excitement towards best friends pregnancy news

[Tp93]

We have one child and another one on the way. With the first child he was really scared and didn't react very well although we were trying for the baby we were living with his parents at the time while our house was being built so a grown man was terrified of telling his parents we were having a baby so I had to tell them 🤨 throughout my pregnancy he didn't seem that excited unless he was talking to friends about the pregnancy.
The second time we tried for this baby also and we found out at the doctors office he just said "I told you so!" Then that was his reaction. He works long hours so I don't like to bother him with my aches and pains with this pregnancy.

Last night he went to his best friends house for dinner, our child was sick so I stayed home, he sent me a photo of them announcing their pregnancy! I was so happy for them they had just been married a few months prior and I knew this is what the wife has always wanted. When he got home he was literally jumping for joy! And I mean jumping around the house with excitement for them saying how he will be so involved and the kids will be so close in age and we should move closer to them (we are 30 minutes away at the moment) so we can have play dates etc. Of course he should be happy for his best friend and his wife but why didn't I get this reaction he's more excited about their pregnancy than he has been for both of mine. It's a bit hurtful I don't even know why I'm posting just more venting

[MindyStClaire]

I totally get it. My best friend and I were pregnant at the same time with our first, and now again with our second (although very early days for me). The thought of BFF's little baby is much less scary - cute little babygros, cuddles, handing back! But my babies mean sleepless nights, guilt, the responsibility of raising good human beings, endless laundry.

[ArgumentativeAardvaark]

Is it also likely that the friends announced after the “safe” 12 week stage whereas your DH would obviously have found out as soon as you did? My husband was very very cautious about celebrating until we were out of the risk zone, he felt that would make it even harder if something went wrong.

[Tp93]

Yes you're all right, he is excited that he can share what he has experienced for the past 2 years with his best friend which I totally get i have my sister's to vent and relate to whereas he has no one as his sister isn't going to have children so he doesn't have family to talk to if that makes sense.
He's a great father and partner and we definitely planned for the children in fact he would have loved to have had them earlier but I guess I was hoping for the same excitement as he was when he came home from their house.

[SomeAfternoonDelight]

Is he not happy that his mate will essentially be doing the ‘fatherhood’ thing with him? Shoulder to cry on? As for woman it’s easier for us to have at least one dependable friend who kind of gets the same shit we’re getting... so there could be that?

[Stefoscope]

Is it possible everyone at the dinner was really excited for them and he got swept away in the moment, especially if he was drinking.

[Chamomileteaplease]

I think unfortunately it sounds like he is one of those people who is bored to tears of babies and family life and now he has a friend to help share the load. It's sad but hopefully this friend will help him embrace the positives of that family life.

[VirginiaWolfHall]

He sounds a bit weak-minded to me, as if he needs self-affirmation from his friends more than he does from himself. I agree with a lot of what Mathanxiety said here.

[53rdWay]

Literally jumping round the house? Was there a lot of alcohol consumed at this dinner?

[ArgumentativeAardvaark]

Is he Tom Cruise, with all this “jumping around”?

Why would he be suggesting you move when you have just built a house?!

[ShetlandWife]

You speak about 'their pregnancy' but you speak about you having a baby as either 'this pregnancy' or 'my pregnancy'.

he's more excited about their pregnancy than he has been for both of mine

I'm not sure if this is because you feel he's not part of the process, but it might be an indication that you need to involve him more.

But yanbu to think he should be at least as excited about your baby than about his friends - but maybe his joy isn't because his friend is having a baby, but because he will be able to share experiencing parenthood with him?

[ImNotHappyaboutitPauline]

It's not so much the pregnancy he's excited by, more the impending child that his friend is going to have. He's picturing your dc and theirs being friends in the future and that's something he's obviously looking forward to.

Lots of men don't get very excited before their child is actually here, after all they aren't the one experiencing the pregnancy. I think the fact he's so happy for his friend tells you that he feels fatherhood is a really positive thing.

[whereisthebloodypostman]

Had he been drinking at the friends house 😅

[BlueJava]

I can see why this may happen - with his own child he will have worries and fears (personally I was too scared it may go wrong to be happy). With someone else's child you can be happy for them and not worry about the hard stuff. I hope that helps you put a different perspective on it - but I would (gently) ask him nevertheless.

[FamilyOfAliens]

It sounds like you understand why he’s pleased, OP (he can do play dates with his friend), but just cant understand why he’s quite so over-the-top pleased about being able to do play-dates compared with how subdued his reaction was when he found out he was going to be a dad.

Maybe he felt the loneliness of being the only parent in his friendship group more than you thought. Agree it’s weird though.

[R44Me]

He could be in for a rude awakening about socialising with his friend after baby is born. Babies take over your life. Make sure he is doing his share.

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

I can see where he's coming from. Someone else's baby is pure excitement and happiness, you don't have any of the worries or fears usually. Someone else's pregnancy at the same time as you means you have someone in your friend set who will be going through similar things, who will also change their life, so you won't be completely excluded. I cannot wait to have babies with my fiancé; we're going to TTC next year, but I'd find it so much easier and more exciting if I had a friend who was pregnant then too. In reality; they've all had their babies already, and are starting to enjoy being past the dependent stage as their kids go to secondary school. He has the same but opposite.

Unless you have real fears that he isn't happy about this baby and he isn't giving 100%, I'd write this off as being a cute overreaction. He's only so happy because you are pregnant too!

[AmIThough]

I do get it. I think having a child changes your life and affects your social life, so it's really lovely to think they can bring their kids up together. It'll make him feel like he's not losing his friends for the sake of his family.

[Takemebacktolondon]

That does sound an over the top reaction especially considering how he is with you. I would be hurt too.

[Sandybval]

I agree with @Skittlenommer

[GrouchoMrx]

Did he want children? Did you discuss it beforehand?

[Rezie]

I can kinda understand having a pure joyous reaction to friends pregnancy. You dont have the worries co cernong the be us health, your own life changing and finances. But his underwhelming reaction to his own children is such a huge contrast to his reaction to the friend. That's quite messed up.

[mathanxiety]

he just said he's been waiting 2 years for his friend to have a child at the same time with him and now they can do things together with the kids.

But that's not really an answer to the question, is it?

Why didn't he rush home with flowers for you so he could celebrate the future playdates with you too?

It's almost a case of bros before hos here. Why is he more excited about doing things together with his friend and the kids than doing things with his own kids or with you and the kids? You're not his baby machine, providing toys for him to play with with his pal.

[EmeraldShamrock]

He is happy his friend is on the same playing field now.
It is hard if your the only one with DC from.a group of friends.
DC change you, I would be miffed it takes a friend for him to get onboard with the fun of fatherhood.

[tolerable]

i did this. I have to fabulous sons.14yrs age difference. first pregnancy i was utterly clueless/caught in the unknowing haze.second one-came complications so..not similar. .my nephew was born 2 months after ds2...i was ....same as your fella.....

[elizzza]

Honestly I kind of get it. The excitement you feel for a friend is uncomplicated - they’re happy, you’re happy for them. For me the excitement over my own (very much wanted!) pregnancies was tinged with terror - about my life changing, about whether I’d be a good parent, about money, about how I’d cope with sleep deprivation etc. I found it a lot simpler to be happy for other people.

It’s horrible for you that you don’t feel he’s excited about your kids though. I think sometimes it can be hard for men to feel connected to the pregnancy - this immense physical thing is happening to you, but they’re kind of just waiting for the end of it. You should feel like you can talk to him about your aches and pains, even if he does work long hours - talking about the pregnancy more might help him feel more connected?