How do people not "believe" in Autism?

[MissPollyHadADolly19]

Just that really, bit of a rant more than anything.
It's not the tooth fairy or Santa, it's a recognised disorder!!

Relative struggling with her DC who's on the spectrum and partner believes it's just shit parenting (obviously not from him cos he's perfect, only the mother gets blames of course )

How do people really not believe in Autism? Or any mental illness for that matter.

venger that would be why I’ve been told I’m autistic, and my adhd is an addiction or incorrectly dx. I’m good at maths, and share some mild sensory similarities with some autistic people. Eg food textures, clothes labels etc. The fact I don’t react the same way is apparently irrelevant and they have insignificant effect on my life can be ignored. Who knew, the triage of impairments can be ignored, and we can armchair dx based on whether someone thinks chips going soggy in gravy is unacceptable provided they are good at maths.

Apparently you can’t be good at maths and have adhd because we all struggle academically.

But that’s because you don’t need to have an intellectual disability to have ASD - that doesn’t alter the fact that more than half of people with ASD have an IQ below 85. It’s not a rare occurrence or even a minority. When parents talk about wishing they could rid their child of ASD, they are absolutely talking about any intellectual disability as part of that.

@sinkgirl His understanding of the world is excellent but it’s as though he just doesn’t understand that words are a thing. that sounds like mine in a way, one of twins too.

The thing that puzzles me about parents who want to remove autism from their low functioning kids is, iif that were possible, they'd still have a kid with severe intellectual impairments, just a more neurotypical one. it’s easier to deal with one or the other, rather than the compounding of difficulties that comes with ASD and LD.

we're all on the spectrum somewhere... they’re just a bit thick. What they mean is “we’re all human beings” usually this is a heads up that deep down they don’t think people with disability are quite as human as they are.

One of my bugbears of being mum to a teen asd girl is everything being attributed to hormones by people with little knowledge, do mums of teen boys get this too? yes.

I rarely say I want to get rid of the ASD, but the language disorder? The fucking epilepsy? Every second of every day I wish it would fuck off.

Sorry to upset you @gamerchick but we sat in rows and nobody had meltdowns or dared to misbehave. So where were these children?
I went to school in the 60s and 70s and children certainly did misbehave and no matter how many times they were given the cane or put in detention it was always the same children who were in trouble. I have veey bad memories of seeing children hit for not keeping still, or messing about. Also classes were streamed and the most 'difficult children' were put in the bottom streams.
Also many children were segregated in special schools. There were 2 types of special schools ESN(S) for children that were assessed as having severe learning difficulties and ESN (M) for children who were assessed as having moderate difficulties, children schools thought were very disruptive were put in those schools. Education in both types of school was very lacking.
So ASD obviously existed then its just that those children were treated differently. Thank goodness times have changed.

I remember in the 1970s one boy trashing the classroom three times before he was expelled. He was 8.

@Nonnymum @gamerschick Actually my DD and many other children on the autistic spectrum can behave, can be academic, can be very pleasant to teach. My daughter would mask and explode at home, she would eat fibres from her tights/socks or bits from the floor or tables as she was so stressed, she would just stop attending school.

Let's stop this narrative now of diagnosed asd being seen as an excuse by parents for bad behaviour or poor parenting for young kids. Our kids grow into teenagers and adults we have to prepare for the world.

Saywatopatnow sorry I did not want to give the impression that I think all children with ASD are difficult school. I know that is not the case. I was just answering the PP who disputed that there were children who were disruptive in class in the 70s. There were many of them.
I have no doubt there were many other undiagnosed children with ASD that schools never pick up.

My mother is in her 90s and has been allergic to mushrooms all her life, they make her violently ill. She is also intolerant to strawberries, wheat, tomatoes, chocolate and several other foods. As she got older and her diet became more varied (she is a plain eater) her list of food allergies grew. She had cousins and relatives further back who died as children for no apparent reasons and she (and I) believe that serious allergies are a likely cause for at least some of their deaths. Having said that I think allergies are on the rise, probably because our immune systems are comprised by the chemicals and pollutants that we are surrounded by now. Agree that of course asd existed undiagnosed in the 70s and, well, always, but even kids with physical disabilities weren't apparent in school, that doesn't mean they didn't exist. I went to a very big school but never saw a child in a wheelchair, with a stick or even with a limp all the way through school. Did Down's syndrome exist? Because I never saw a child with ds at school either. Sn children were either kept at home, sent to special schools or put in institutions.

I am 58 and currently being seen by psychology and psychiatry departments at the local hospital. I originally went to my GP in despair and asked to be referred as I was convinced that something more than depression was going on and 40 years of ADs had done nothing. I suspected ADD myself. The psychiatrist diagnosed BPD due to emotional abuse bringing on ADD symptoms as I was 'never hyperactive' and it wasn't present from birth (which totally confuses me how she decided that). She said that she had discussed me with the consultant and that they had considered that I was autistic but plumped for BPD instead. I then went to look at autistic symptoms and I fit right into that and ADD but the only part of BPD is the self-harm - due to trying to overcome severe emotional overwhelming amongst other things. The reason I'm pursuing all this despite no medication being likely to help is that I've had so many problems at work and socially despite my degree (ended up in hospital after 'a breakdown' from emotional overwhelment) and other qualifications I have always struggled with communication and behaving 'normally' and 'professionally'. I get very peopled out. Any diagnosis would really help my working life instead of feeling continually baffled and overwhelmed.

As for older generations, my uncle was definitely 'odd'. Yes, we both had emotionally abusive fathers (Mum often said 'he's just like my bloody father!' about Dad) but there was more there. Despite being intelligent, he had so much trouble at school and being bullied by his father, as well as constant comparison to the eldest Golden Child son that he dropped out of academic life to become a market gardener. He seems to have been happy during WW2, rules and lots of lone time as a lorry driver. When I knew him, he was still living with his parents but never mixed with any of the family, with no friends. Completely cut off from people. He later disappeared into the homeless community, and wanted no family connection when the Salvation Army traced him. Only some years after his death did us nieces find out that he had ended up living happily as a loner in council housing far away from anyone that he knew. He was born in the 19th century but definitely "odd". Like me, how much was caused by emotional abuse and how much by autistic 'traits'? He was diagnosed with schizophrenia and me with BPD but I wonder in both our cases.

Sorry to go off on a tangent - a habit of mine down the rabbit hole - but so many people in the past coped in mainstream society only with problems and emotional pain.

saywatopatnow Ds is 15 and currently being assessed for autism. I will agree that some people have said to us 'well he is a teenager'. He's my youngest child so I've done the teenage boy thing before. Most of Ds's difficulties are associated with his asd, there is of course some teenage stuff to contend with as well but I can tell the difference.

The last year whilst he has been waiting for his assessment has been awful, his coping mechanisms have fallen apart and I wish I had pursued a diagnosis for him earlier. We did suspect he was autistic many years ago but he seemed to cope so we didn't pursue it, big mistake on our part. I've let him down, I don't think things would be as bad now had he been diagnosed when he was younger.

There is a lot of autism in my husband's side of the family and MIL and FIL were very sceptical at first when diagnoses's started pooping up in the grandchildren. (I think FIL has autism) they seem to think that it is a new made up thing. There were always children with autism it's just that those poor children would have been punished for how they were :(

deadringer I went to primary school in the mid 80’s with a girl with Down syndrome from reception to about age 8. I really don’t remember her having Down syndrome, despite being good friends and playing together out of school I only remember her asthma as being different to me or anyone else. I only know she had it because I found out when I was older that when her parents moved they ended up having to send her to a special school because the new primary didn’t give her parents much choice.

Having said that I think allergies are on the rise, probably because our immune systems are comprised by the chemicals and pollutants that we are surrounded by now.

Actually there’s research to suggest that many illnesses - from allergies to childhood leaukaemia - are on the rise due to a lack of immune-priming illnesses in infancy, thanks to the increased use of sterilisation and better hygiene. I read something fascinating about this a little while ago.

I developed a severe nut and sesame allergy age 10, out of nowhere. There were two other kids at my school with anaphylaxis. So it definitely was there 25-30 years ago.

Some people are idiots.

My son has severe autism. I couldn't love him anymore if i tried but my god life is hard sometimes. He's an 11 year old with no speech whatsoever. My parenting has definitely not caused that. The constant battles even trying to get a school to use his communication aid and random idiots that feel the need to make comments drive me nuts.

The isn't autism wonderful brigade also do my head in, it may be for you but it isn't for my son and me having to care for him. They don't speak for us. The scratches on my face today from a violent meltdown are not wonderful (thankfully we don't have many these days but they are very violent when we do). Many other families are in the same boat.

@TooManyPaws. I went to a training day at Kings College on ADHD. The Professor of Psychiatry leading the course said that he believed that many people diagnosed with BPD actually had ADHD. As a consequence, they were receiving the wrong medication.

Have similar issues. DS has autism, DD is being assessed. Mil doesn’t believe in autism nor does my sons family (he has a different dad to DD). Clearly it’s something genetic in my family having 2 with different fathers with autism. It’s disheartening.

I often hear people say that doctors are too quick to diagnose 🤣 most autism parents know that it can take months and years to get the support and get a diagnosis. Some don’t get diagnosed!

People are really ignorant. I think everyone is a little ignorant unless you have, related to
or work closely with children with asd.

Do you mean that your relatives partner doesn’t believe in autism? That’s crazy. Does he not deal with the children daily? Or your partner?

Either way! Keep supporting your friend. Just believing in her will make the world of difference.

I would take away my sons' autism too. It's a heartbreaking disability. My oldest is developmentally delayed, has learning difficulties and extreme anxiety and phobias. He doesn't have any special abilities despite what so many people assume. Everything is just like wading through treacle for him. While his peers are going off to uni, doing apprenticeships, travelling etc he still needs to be told/supervised to wash and daren't go out in public much. He has few qualifications (a couple of level 1's from 3 years at college) and is likely facing a life on benefits because no one can or will employ him as he is at the moment. I have no idea what he will do when I'm gone because he is far from ready to live alone. He can't shop or manage housework. DS2 is more what would have been defined as Aspergers once. He is achieving academically and is more able to cope socially. But he decompresses at home after a day of being "good" at school and then people say he's naughty for me because I'm not a capable parent and I can't control him. DS3 is not autistic but bears the brunt of having 2 brothers who are. Not a situation I'd keep if I had the chance not to.

@Nonnymum Not a criticism of what you said.

Dr coconut, I agree with you.
My Ds aged 12 is able academically but his ASD is so life limiting, He so wants to fit into the world but just doesn't know how. He has a good vocabularly but poor communication, h always says the wrong things and gets it wrong. He has no friends because his peers findhim annoying and because he is generally bright he is overlooked for support at school because they don't think he needs help. He suffers low level and constant bullying for being different and then lashes out at the bullies and it is his fault. So no having autism is not nice for a child and although there is better awareness it has not led to better understanding