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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To end the friendship

43 replies

Jenjimyaha · 18/08/2019 17:42

I've moved back to my hometown and got back in contact with a school friend. Weve been good friends for best part of a year I would say, going out for meals and play dates with our children etc. I consider her a good friend as I did at school

We both attend the gym where one of her friends go. I dont know this friend but say hello if I see her out and about.

My friend said to me the other day that the friend she has at the gym was slagging me off to her, going into depth about some nasty comments that she had made about me. I was surprised by this as I dont know the girl and have always been friendly.

Friday, my friend and I were in the gym and as we were leaving the friend who has been slagging me off was getting out of her car and walking towards us to go through the door. She said hello and was all smiley, talking to my friend and was trying to include me in the conversation. A rage came over me and I basically said that if she was going to be rude about me then I dont care to speak to her. At this point the girl looked confused and said she had never been rude about me. I looked to my friend and made reference to the conversation we had and my friend just looked me blank on the eye and said "I didnt say that, you must have misunderstood" This then led to a very awkward moment where I looked like an utter twat as my friend claimed she didnt say anything to me. So I just walked off and drove home leaving them talking.

When we got home I text her to say what was that about and she is point blank denying she said anything and that I got the wrong end of the stick. It is so stupid and pointless as a) I dont really know the girl, b) it was her that brought it up as the conversation came out of nowhere and c) why an earth would I lie about it?

I dont see how I can trust her after this and I'm just so baffled as to why shes denying to me she said it when she knows full well she did? AIBU to end this friendship?

OP posts:
MrsTWH · 18/08/2019 17:45

Yikes, even if it was true why would she repeat the hurtful comments to you? Sounds like those unpleasant comments were a way of her saying them to you out loud without you being angry with her? And now she’s been caught out! If it was me and was a genuinely good friend I’d probably give her one chance to be honest (rather than gaslighting you) and if she couldn’t apologise and discuss rationally then yes, I’d end the friendship.

MrsZola · 18/08/2019 17:47

For whatever reason she's being a complete cow and gaslighting you to boot - end the friendship now.

cubed123 · 18/08/2019 17:48

She’s clearly bonkers - you’d do well to distance yourself from that psycho otherwise you’ll wonder if it’s you!! And clearly it’s not. This is the first time (hopefully) but it probably won’t be the last...

Dieu · 18/08/2019 17:49

I can understand your friend denying it at the time, as you really bloody put her on the spot. However to keep denying it later is madness, as you both know what was said!
I wouldn't have handled it as you did though.
How you deal with your friendship now is up to you. If it were me, I'd have a face-to-face conversation about it, and give her one last chance to come clean. If you point out the actual details of what she said, and she continues to deny, then I'd bin her off. Not only is that unhinged, but it's important for a friend to have your back. Also, it sounds like she was shit stirring in the first place, but then we only have your side of things.

MzHz · 18/08/2019 17:50

You ditch the old friend and when you see The other woman again you apologise and explain, telling her exactly what your now ex friend had said to you

Drum2018 · 18/08/2019 17:51

End it. She didn't want you befriending the other girl and probably never thought you'd call her out on her lies. Next time you see the other girl at the gym, I'd apologise and tell her that mutual friend had obviously made up stuff about her slagging you off. Then go about your merry way and find some genuine friends.

recrudescence · 18/08/2019 17:53

Pull the plug, your friend is toxic.

Original poster
Jenjimyaha · 18/08/2019 17:54

But this is what I cant understand... i never would have been good friends with the girl at the gym I just said hello in passing - i cant get my head around why my friend chose her?!

I know I put her on the spot but gym girl was being so friendly and chatty I thought she was being two faced! So I called her out on it. I can only imagine what my friend said to the girl when I drove off

OP posts:
MumW · 18/08/2019 17:56

I'd be stepping back from the relationship and letting it die a natural death.

Dieu · 18/08/2019 17:56

But maybe gym girl did say those things. So I'd be wary about apologising.

ZaZathecat · 18/08/2019 17:56

Sounds like your friend didn't want you making friends with her other friend so made up ridiculous tales to put you off her.

misskatamari · 18/08/2019 17:59

YANBU. Ditch the friend, and like Drum says, when you next see the girl at the gym just apologise and explain. Really odd behaviour from your friend, but whatever the reason, you just don't need that kind of shit in your life

RoxyHart13 · 18/08/2019 17:59

I've had a friend who did similar. It's really bizarre behaviour.

Ditch old friend. Apologise to the other girl. Rise above any future drama involving old friend.

recrudescence · 18/08/2019 18:00

The lies were designed to cement your friendship. In effect, your friend was letting you know she was looking out for you by identifying an enemy. She assumed you would never challenge the other girl about it.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 18/08/2019 18:18

I dont see that there is a friendship any more. There literally isn't anything she could say, that would make her behaviour acceptable.

Maybe you could be civil if she apologises but otherwise I dont see there is any option other than to block and ignore - it would always be hanging over you. She is clearly hoping if she denies it, it will just go away but it wont

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 18/08/2019 18:20

She has acted even worse to the other lady - made her out to be bitchy and gossipy.

Beautiful3 · 18/08/2019 19:27

Your friend likes to you to make you hate this other woman, to keep you both separated.

Beautiful3 · 18/08/2019 19:28

Lied to you that should have said.

nanbread · 18/08/2019 19:31

What were the comments the gym friend allegedly said?

Were they just random bitchy stuff or could it have been your friend's way of trying to tell you something, like your leggings are see through or you make weird noises when you exercise, for example?

Original poster
Jenjimyaha · 18/08/2019 19:50

The comments were that she supposedly saw me out with my children and that they didnt look clean or well cared for. She also supposedly said that I'm always dressed in designer clothes but my kids are always in primark.

OP posts:
LuluBellaBlue · 18/08/2019 19:53

Wow get rid of that friend ASAP!! Sounds like she has some serious issues

FireBloodAndIce · 18/08/2019 20:35

Yanbu, she's a liar.

Birdshitbridgegotme · 18/08/2019 21:01

She clearly thought by lying and telling you the other girl had said nasty stuff that you two wouldnt become friends. She was wasnt counting on you confronting her either so thought she would get away with it. I would drop her.
I would also smooth it over with the other girl when I saw her again

messolini9 · 18/08/2019 21:19

AIBU to end this friendship?

YANBU. Run & block.

LemonAddict · 18/08/2019 21:28

If someone tells you that a third party was slagging you off, gossiping about you, etc, you should always have a think about what their motive might be.

Even if it’s true (which is clearly isn’t) what could you do about it, and what could your “friend” possibly achieve, other than upsetting you?

Anyway it’s bitten her on the arse. Explain and apologise to the other woman next time you see her. And bin off the friend.

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